Rewiring the System


A Beginning

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on August 21, 2008

A Beginning.

That I should give a brief example of what I was like before my surgery and what I am like now.

Buy Me, No Buy ME, No Me…. Hunger for things that are short lived at best or illusory were not the recurring sounds of my early life. I did not get to ask for things. My Mother sold insurance and stocks and on the side for added income demonstrated food to toys at stores in the big city. We did not ‘go shopping’ for even the minimal clothing and food things. I remember going into a Buster Brown & dog Tyke Shoe store to try on a pair of Mary-Jane shoes then a pair of nice two toned lace-up shoes. First, my feet were measured on the flat aluminum tray then I stepped up into that X-ray thing the Buster Brown stores had, so I could see my bones and toes through the viewer. I am so glad I had the X-ray experience. Then my mother thanked the sales clerk and we walked out. I remember bring drenched in misunderstanding. I felt the sadness of close but never happen. My Mother teased and taunted me as a child by an excessively early experience of ‘window shopping’.

Look but not ever purchase. This was not the first time that what ever was tried on was just for the experience and not for ownership. I needed shoes but they were not going to be purchased at a store on that day or any day. My feet were measured so that My Mother could tell her sister, Ruth what size I needed from the arsenical of her daughter, Diane’s used shoes and clothing. I remember with pain and horror the stencil cut mud brown sandal loafers made for a person several years older than I was, that arrived in time for opening day of my first day of first grade. The shoes were both ugly and too big.

I walked to school myself and dawdled across the street from the Southwark School watching other mothers holding their children’s hands and hugging their shoulders and wiping away a tear of fear of the unknown, that the first day of school represents to a 5/6 year old. I was all alone to face this big event without any safety net. This has had a life long impact of my feeling just outside the normal circle of process event.

The feeding chain of ‘social order’ terrified me. The common social order is what turned a healthy social interaction and me away from education as I planned my life. I had to face my early steps alone.

I had a ‘Terrible’ early child hood. No rational society was part of the real world to me. There is always an interesting story from each individual birth. We each have a story and create your own narrative with all the drama and energy out of that shadow. My formative years are the soil from which my body, heart, and mind were built. Embrace the dark side; embrace the soil and its rich dark compost of causes and conditions. The ground you walk on is touching the undefined intersection of then and now, with a toe, your toe and my toe, into our shared future. What truly feed our legitimacy is a vagueness, a trivialness, and frivolity that is at the root of all creativity.

Spirit! I am spirit, using form to function in the three dimensions. Hanging on all the while, I realize that all the bodily stuff will fall away and fail in its appointed time. The good approach is embracing the no-doubt. Who is going to be there at the end of the day? Who is going to be very generous?

Embrace the common notion that is all around and make it your own, in space and in time. This is our interesting right here and right now moment.

The best time is now.

Emotions are all still there and run deep with their own interest of stirring feeling to subvert progress.

This is right under our nose as a view of us in our complex interactions. This shows the deflation of understanding of our nature as spirit by accepting practices that got us into this mess. We are imploding.

Never in a rush to ‘put out’ for conversation or the relationship will continue to be that way. Have I hidden what I am doing? I wait to see what is said and put forth. I Look and listen to life and people, before reacting. I take the time to see the flow as a total intersection along the way of time and space. Gertrude Stein said to Picasso, that his portrait of her ‘does not look like me.’ Picasso said, ‘it will look like you’. He was fully aware that the material is constantly becoming, coalescing and reforming. He saw Gertrude, as she would be at the height of her power and immortalized that minute.

Get up and do the physical stuff and sweat

Shiva with out Shacti then Shiva is a corps. Intelligence is flexibility and inclusiveness. Always build Bridges from one world to the next. In the end, with an awake caring in interactions and reactions, the separation of yourself and other selves is removed and you see yourself in an inclusive part of the whole.

Miles Davis, Bob Dylan, Neal Young, and John Coltrane,

Anticipated the 9/11 explosion. They were able to do the creative listening to the shimmering less dense magnetic carrier of information about of people, places and events. These and other artists did inform about the impending explosion, which cut a cultural crack of those no longer working systems, caught the music of the spheres. Terror! This was close to the emotional pitch of that moment. This art should have a high or higher visibility in order to affect our consciousness to wake up. Add intimacy and you have the world on a wing where you will see the rainbow!

. This has had a life long impact of my feeling just outside the normal circle of process event.

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