Rewiring the System

Am I a Best Seller?

Posted in Joy,Uncategorized by rewiringangel on December 29, 2008

My Very Own Best Seller

Today I am reaching back into my memories to that point, to that moment when I started sitting at the Twelfth Street Meeting House at Samson Street.  It was before I moved in with Nan Marie Schapperielle and her dog Max, In the middle of the school year before the summer break when I was eleven and a half years old, and in those days I went out for walks before dawn along the Delaware River.

I would walk to the docks just to move my body as my feet pounded the pavements.  I walked from Sixth and Mc Kean down to the small side streets in the still darkness.  The bottom line was something mysterious, without thinking, that got me to leave my bed in secret and walk where no one would imagine a young girl would go.  I went to see the water and birds in safety, knowing that I would most likely not meet another person in my adventure.  I felt a weight lift, and I could feel simplicity of being, as I smelled the dawn fresh air.  To this day, I have not discovered exactly why I did this or the origins of what caused me to walk to the river.  The closest reason I have come up with is that “going to the river” gave me a place to go to, a destination.

I had no destinations in my life.  My family did not want me, I know this is shocking, but they were having a hard time, and I was often in the way. My living situation and my relatives did not create a healthy place for a child. My family was trouble. I did not manage to have any real friends.  There was Simone who lived on the other side of Snyder Avenue.  She and I built a Fernando’s Hideaway Playhouse, complete with that song as password, in her basement. It was fantastic to know a dark secluded place. However, it was all her ideas and her direction. My only input was being present.  I was not there to make any suggestions or offer any arguments.  It was her house so she made all the rules.  She was not ever ‘allowed’ to come to my house.  I never found out why.  Children lived in separate strata of life, and the adult reasons never were questioned.  The rules were accepted as just the way it was, period.

Very often in my return trip home, I would walk up Chestnut or Walnut Street from Front Street and end my travels at the Friends Meeting House.  I sat in the stillness and just felt myself being alive and breathing in the quiet.  In those days, houses of worship were never locked.  No one I knew would imagine doing anything unholy to or in a house of worship.

Nothing important happened in the quiet moments, but it was energizing.  I was continually drawn back to the Meeting House, toward experiencing this kind of quiet.  This was my secret silent friend within a community that. did not notice a quiet young girl and did not realize that the quiet young girl was troubled. I planted a quiet place in my heart from those rambles. This quiet place expands with each passing year.

In my created quiet place within my being, I am ready to look at the intersections and options I have before I feel and act.  I am ready to peel and examine, though this might make me cry, the concentric layers of my thinking process.

Am I ready to look at myself, as I walk toward the car or bus from the store, or bank and find out what I am feeling at this exact moment so I can be ‘being’ the best of my thoughts forming into actions, so I can have real clarity. I try to use my energy in a hopeful, caring way, in friendliness without friction or unnecessary confrontation or wasted energy. It is truly about you and me, it is our ability to take a chance and open to one another in trust.

I have abilities and options for understanding the instant between then and the next then, the now.  The right here and right now is where I must make my choice to enjoy my life.

You are a singular person and each person’s truth is phenomenally important.  Truth is very important. My truth as well as your truth is colored by our special uniqueness and must not be trounced or trashed. Our thoughts are interconnected now that science using mathematics, chemistry and physics are all proving that we are parts of a greater whole. Mathematics is showing the interconnectedness of thought.

How you are interacting with other primary individuals within your sticky interconnected human nucleus, I might call family, is vital.  Understanding my small group within the spinning cityscape has brought me peace and poise as I face some inevitable disillusions. I work this entire ball of stuff into my minutes wanting to take the time to unravel.

I want to stop sleep walking through the day.  I certainly want to be the love and in love to the very core of my humanity.  To have an emotional connection that enriches all connections seems a driving human force.

Independent and dependent reach back to the statements of duality written by Zoroaster way back in the mists of human history.  Zoroaster gave us the story of separation. Duality can mean that you and I are separate for all time and in all ways.  It is a safe way of thinking until the moral stamina can support my being a less significant bleep on the flow of free electrons.

Sunday I spoke to a Clerk of my Quaker Meeting about how the meeting use the energy accumulated by the practice of sitting together to listen to the directions from the light.  I said that Quakers do not go crazy with all the energy coursing through their channels because they, as a group, direct this energy to the service of the common good for all humanity. The Quaker groups, local or worldwide, wait until agreement, called consensus, is achieved.

The only way consensus can arrive is because the group, built of individuals, works together to suspend their own mental story line long enough to hear, with both mind and heart, what meaning the one speaking is delivering.

Not everyone needs to ascribe to a practice growing out of Matthew Fox some time back in the 1600’s.  I can grow as a single person by listening to the many factions and fractions within my head and heart before I act.


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