Rewiring the System


Circles of Trust

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on March 25, 2009

Asking why instead of what, is an important distinction in the questioning process.  It serves me to be more awake in my conversations and activities that make co-creation happen.  Sending from within ourselves out into the world can happen either consciously or unconsciously.  I am working to knit together my personal identity with my professional integrity building a vocational vitality as noted on the Courage to Lead website.

My daughter asked me to write a parenting book before she has children so she will be able to understand how she turned out as she did and be able to replicate the process with her children. She said that others had the opportunity that she had yet have not walked on the straight and narrow.

She knows that I was a single parent as her father was otherwise occupied for most of the activities, and I was operating with a quarter of my brain surgically removed.  How did I manage?

Circles of trust:

Communal Spiritual (importance of creating spaces)

Inward Journeys

Barn and House: soul and role

Starting with:

uncovering the shy ‘birthright’ reason for being on this earth at this time. We each are Born/ come into the world with a gift which we are to shoulder and shine bringing that thread to the fabric of the human family.

Countering the Divided Life by:

Being Gentle with self and all others

Respectful for self and with others

HONOR self and others

Honor the world

What Soul is not: Soul is not,

Intellect is in universities

Emotions is for therapy

Ego is wherever we go in communities

SOUL is Nature both tender and wild

My gift is intuition, creativity and intelligent listening

The Blizzard in my life is being Jobless.

I am ‘living’ on my small alimony and the generosity of strangers which adds up to about three dollars a day. My loneliness is due to having difficulty because of my brain injury, which causes speech and thinking differences. Sometimes I feel more alone when I am with people than I am by myself since there is such misunderstanding. If I just keep quiet, I seem to be more understood and more welcome. This is nihilism in action. There is nothing I can do about my physical condition or the responses of others to it.

I am a good listener for others. But cannot discern real listening to myself. I want to be a god listener for myself to learn how to hear inside the veneer.

GIFTS

Full of Love Love is God

Breathing

Life is an adventure: With Death In Front of My Eyes

Sweet and caring person

Great parent and proper friend to my daughters’ circle

Properly assertive

(took assertive training with Salvation Army provider at a S.A. center for middle class woman & baby playgroups) Assertive not Aggressive is an important distinction

Artistic Creative: painter/writer/poet

Ready real laugh with good sense of humor

Good public speaker

Good cook

With Style, Spontaneity and Imagination

The Long View with Curiosity

Deeply Knowledgeable of Spiritual Life

Day Two small room code 2354

Painting groups (I miss Libby!) can I get her address?

Blessing the Space we are in together and individually

Assignment: Write the story of my Life in One Sentence!

No Matter what happens, I manage to land on my feet.

Libby: I am being grounded and well rooted in my Soul with a vast root system

Kathy: What makes your daughter, are factors coming in which are different.

John Alex: Influence of the Brain: Corinthians read Paul

Kathy’s story, about letters of appreciation for her workers in mental health of Berkeley

John Alex’s story, about working with head injured

Libby’s story: Parish work with Hypochondriac by listening with hand on heart and not Multi-tasking while listening.

Maya Angelu: ‘Alone’

Opened space is boundless

This process and its Quaker Language is learning another language. How to create community that is life giving? Comments to individuals behave and speak courteously with an eye to cultural grace of circle of trust.

Receive the story is a practice in opened listening

Asking open and honest questions. Opened questions are ones that you have no idea what the answer will be.

Attend the Inner teacher as a listener and as the listened too.

STORY:

WHEN THINGS FALL APART a spiritual train wreck

I was a close student to Losang Samten. I would get a call asking me to take him grocery shopping. He lived in the city and I lived 45 minutes out in the suburbs yet he preferred to have me drive him to window or food shopping. The favorite food-shopping store was in the lower northeast section of Philadelphia. He lived in University City area and I lived out in Phoenixville, which is the next little town less than 3 miles from the Valley Forge Post Office on route 113.

I chose to hold this connection close to my vest and keep it in the background with no conversation or exposure to the group of students. There are public conversations and then there are private conversations. Why this happened or how I was chosen I do not know yet I feel he treated me in a close way as though I was part of his family. In fact he said those words to me one day when he had invited me to his home for the family meal with his sister and her husband and children and their children. He told me I could drop in any time for a family meal.

One afternoon, I got a call that the entire sangha was called together to ‘air’ their thoughts, feelings and opinions about Losang. Everyone in the room had something terrible to say! I just could not imagine this! A meeting was called and the room was packed with students of every level. I thought it was about what color carpeting to purchase but it was much more. The person who was to fund the carpet purchase was very angry directly with the teacher! There were over 50 people in the main room and they all seemed to have held a negative thought and gave it voice that sunny afternoon. He was not serious enough with teaching said the oldest member of his group. The center was a rented space and therefore unstable said many. The expense for interiors was too high for a rented space said another. What kind of medical insurance is the right one for the group to purchase for Losang? And so on. I could not stand listening to this as I sat at Losang’s feet. As the talking and shouting continued I found that I moved toward the back of the room and away from the point of focus. Finally, I moved to the stairs down I went out the door and out of the center. I was horrified that Our Teacher who is both a great venerable person and a loving teacher could be talked to in this manner.

I left that day and except or a few special occasions I never returned as a member of the group. I still drove Losang and attended different events he preformed or was an invited guest at a function of mutual interest, but could not find it in my heart to continue as a member of the group of people who behaved badly. I talked to Losang about this and him what was at play? He told me it was their cause and effect and that he had the stamina to just sit there, though it was not my ‘karma’ so that is why I was so offended and he understood why I left. After this event, Losang gave me his robe. He wore it every day of his life since he went off to study. His uncle gave the meditation scarf him when he went off to his first monastery. Losang’s father was shot and pushed out the window right in front of him when he was less than 6 years old so his uncle took on the function of father to the young man. He gave me other important whispers and direction. Losang came to my home to play with my dog and brought his friends for massages by a local professional. I remember baking a big lasagna and though it was only ¾ cooked all the monks said it was delicious. I learned more about a ‘living teaching’ by just hanging out There was a string of High Lamas that I took shopping or Just window shopping, since they already had everything they needed. The loved to go to thrift places where all the bargains are and compare what the prices are in all the different countries they had recently visited. He and I remain as close as the blood is to the vein through which it courses.

The group lost that building and has been in three other places. The Local Episcopal Church has given the center rooms for their meetings.

What have I learned and taken away from this experience?

I have a deep belief to follow my heart in a storm. What we cannot forgive will kill us.

I long for a close community since it is in community that I learn to live (the truth) see myself in actions both to others and back from others. Happy families are all alike unhappy families are ………: Leo Tolstoy

Going off to College

Roommate was in the same elevator and she had lots of clothes. A lot of the girls on the fourth floor ent to Tyler. This at the time when dressing for dinner in the dorm dinning room was expected. Skirts not pants or dreaded dungarees, now called Jeans were never allowed or seen at any meal times. As a group we waited for one another to descent on the line to the dining hall. We wanted to be seated together. We all took a part of the circus song, George Washington bridge along with the um pa pas and popcorn, peanuts. My room mate, Barbara would bring me a cup of coffee under my nose to wake me gracefully. This experience was a wonderful transition from high school and childhood into college and burgeoning adulthood with its rich possibilities of future connections. Though I had a lot of stress in early childhood and grew up in foster homes and an orphanages I was determined to build a bridge toward a future I could enjoy.

What is my Bell Stand

How do I guard the Light

Who is the Emperor

Gain or success

There is in all things a hidden wholeness

Wholeness means embracing the brokenness

How can I affirm another’s identity when I cannot affirm my own. See how mature uses devastation to stimulate growth

Separateness is a betrayal of trust

The Live Encounter gave me a rich information: Intuition is strong need to develop an air of Mystery to bring people close to want them to want to get to know me. What serena has is Mystery that makes people want to like her.

Get the Emerson quote given this Wednesday?

www.couragerenewal.org

the center for courage and renewal pacific center for spiritual formation/clergy retreat, santa cruz

Center for Wellbeing @ Lafayette Christian Church

3rd Monday Group: A Hidden Wholeness

3rd Tuesday woman’s circle of trust

3rd wed M/F circle of trust

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