Rewiring the System

Feeling So Low and Lonely

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on April 5, 2009

Not having the same people to talk to every day has turned my attention to strangers on the street for conversation. I am only a pawn in a game of community, which is so easily had by many people, but I remain on the outside of this circle of intimate conversation with the same people every day. I got a book from a former student and the idea she writes about of not having a person, the same one person to talk to every day turned the light of truth on my life. I pull out my everyday face out of its box with my name on it that I keep by my bed when I get ready to face the mirror.  

I got the idea that every person is just a mirror holding up this mirror of themselves, his or her body, mind and heart up to shine back to myself  for my hook or lesson to deal with.  Facing the comments and wondering if I will ever be followed in this blog. Do readers want to understand and apply their understanding to themselves in loving kindness, apply this understanding to their community and more importantly put action and attention of this loving attention and kindness out to the entire globe?  Like no more torture and no genetically modified seeds from the big chemical companies.

One person said that I write as though my scribbles are for people with PhD’s only.  Scream and fly PhD or die!

 How deeply I feel cut repeatedly for a reason I do not understand.  I am struggling to regain my attention of myself.  Those who were friends and family abandon me as soon as I had my concussion. In two months, I had two phone calls!  Then another person I met at P.S.R., the Berkeley Holy Hill, Big Stone Center of Christ’s Concerns, says my writing is up there philosophically with Plato and Socrates and Aristotle!  Tell me I am like anyone but Aristotle, who is not for me, but for the deaf and blind who have the icy fluid of externals coursing through their veins. Half right some of the time is Aristotle!  Just as Lincoln says, some of the people are half-right part of the time! What am I to believe?  

Since I am writing to be read over and again like a page-turner full of depth, that feeds the hunger inside the reader’s heart. Where does the longing for some contact with the infinite immaterial without the intersession of a man or woman to tell you where to put your sex or your mind committing thought sins no more?   The pope even this papal pawn small ‘p’ backed by the French church who side with the Iranians that the Holocaust never happened.  Crazy bums people the airwaves.  Now how would I know if the NSA is following my blog?  Imagine that possibility!  How many roads do humans have to prison? Mirror prison is in the news about a blogger commenting on the police.  Shades of the Holocaust with no papal or religious saftynet.  All alone a complete unknown until your blog is filtered.  The traveling Google world being turned out of a little English countryside hamlet since in Britain a man’s house and garden is his castle.  How do we walk in those footprints?

A Mystery School woman sent me this note:

He is Archetypal so delightful, that Wilde man, a Wonder, of Wonders, indeed. Oscar, reminds me, always! BE kind to myself! Take care of myself~! Please me, Please, Please me! To love myself, to include myself, in it all, as One. I will find the answers to sharing myself, as loving service, with all, as that is my intent.
WE all have a Gift inside of us, and what a good surprise, to 
relate that to ourselves, seems to be the whole point of it all, 
as RISE!
I was a bit trepidicious, anxious, wondering if anything was inside
here, at all????????  How, I doubted the call, and it all, as I was so, unsure, that I ??????????????????  Could I be of any help with the whole Cure. However, that was rather foolish of me to say,
I am made to play, my Way! of course, and it is fun to relate as One, as all the colors of the sun, are sooooooooooooooo very me, and how I remember my glee most often, towards it all.  IT’s my call. Rowing my boat my way, coloring my Days, ah, refracted rays! Of sheer delight,
OH, Wowie Zowie, that ,IN-finite light!!!!!!! Relating, a scintillating warmth, that meets this painter eyes, and It’s like butterflies! as Teilhard, was so amused, by Butter flying in the Sun, and how, we all can return as ONE.Our loving service, is born of a real pleasure, I feel.
Therefore, the saying, follow our bliss, is as it’s real, it is as Kiss.  And it has a certain ease, relating my Art, all those colors, is as, so sweetly, please. Not sappy, our ONENESS for that would not make me so happy (sticky). I relate myself, with the Art of me, the very Heart of me, it is my original, natural , and wild way to be Free, to be happily me. A colorful return, I could say, as Artist. To you Ilsa, and to all, 
A Rainbows welcome. That’s my call.
Can you, my readers understand her?  She is a person of wonder and of living in the dream.

As long as people stand together, we will be strong! I am one person alone and feel as though this stage of my life is for thinking and writing alone. Perhaps this is exacerbated by my whiplash and concussion. Reading and writing lightens the weight on my shoulders but more than this, I need sleep.



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