Rewiring the System


it is a revolution into self

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on June 8, 2009

My loneliness is so deep, dark and hard that I am filled with wonder. I am unable to see the depth of my darkness.  Isolation!

I am a tree, whose leaves are growing, reaching for the harmony of the world. Reaching for the golden heart warmth of the great Sun. My fuzzy mind queries: It must be easy to be a saint! I think NOT!  I am not very good at walking on water. Sometimes I find that I have stopped breathing.  I have faith. I remember that I know a lot about breathing deeply. To be honest I am afraid to think. Is there a relationship between breathing deeply and my lack of friends? I am finding that each of us, we each has to uncover the secrets of life. I need a crazy friendly Jewish Uncle to make me laugh and give me a big hug. 

People say the darndest ‘mean’ things to me as thought they have the right to enquire as rudely as they please, saying anything, without grace or concern at the suffering that they caused, to ask some weird ridicule posing as a question.  It will all change since change is constant but the right now is right now.

 My physical issues flared up and I cannot do much to care for myself.  This afternoon I took a shower, washed my hair, and did other grooming self-care.  Since February when I was rear-ended while stopped at the crosswalk and the safety of the seat belt stretched my chest and stomach muscles I have been unable to lift my left arm to my hair.  No one can see the pain.  The sadness and the constant pain is overwhelming.  I am studying and trying to put my best foot forward.

I took a body for a life of fun. Essence of character will be my life raft and magic will happen.  Pain, pain go away!  Prayer works so pray for me, please.

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