Rewiring the System

The Pressure of My Personal History

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on September 2, 2009

It might have been fun but looking around I find that the pressure of my history is hard to bear.

I am learning and relearning just how far away from another person I should stand and speak and what is comfortable to them. This remains a daily effort. Perhaps I have a lesioned temporal cortex, anterior temporal lobe (including the amygdala). Perhaps more people have this injury than is commonly known.  These areas are observed to have significant social and emotional deficits in both humans and animals. Lately I am controlling my overreaction to objects and persons. I have to work at thinking before I react or speak. It is all Limbic! The amygdalae send impulses to the hypothalamus for important activation of the sympathetic nervous system

Some people are not able to think before they react out of fear or loathing or out of their simple physical injury to the head and its contents.

Monday I went out and about to purchase fresh farm eggs at my favorite local small organic grocery store. As I walked toward my car with my eggs and coffee and treats, I watched and heard a mother talking to her under 7 year old son. He was walking just a hair next to the curb with his arms out imitating flight.

You could hear the mother dispensing fear and distrust without the animal instinct of loving closeness. She says, ‘you are going to be killed by walking close to the cars.’ Walking there is bad. I saw his arms fall by his side and could cut with my mind’s eye his resistance to her comment. If she was trying to pull him away from the edge, she failed. He wanted to walk where she pointed as dangerous. He wanted his pleasure as well as a shared closeness with this primary care giver as a walking together along the edges of life. Mom did not understand the dynamics of teaching by example.  She was going to use reasoning and derision. Bla blab la…

Imagine his reaction, if she had come close to her son, put her arm around his waist, hugged him as she then raised her arms, and they flew as a goose and her gosling? She could then direct the flight toward the pavement away from the curb. He would have an experience of trust that the adult is able to understand appropriately in unison with his thoughts and feelings.

I kept my mouth shut and did not look into their actions as a moment for talking with them. It was her child and she behaved as though she is injured by the fears of those in her life. She was, at that moment, unable to be in there with pure simplicity.  Maybe she was really tired? Parenting is being on call all the time job. Or she just got off work where she had a hardday?  Are parents able to put that baggage aside and be in this other kind of intersection? Perhaps she might wake up and perhaps she is creating the communication that will really drive her crazy when he is a teenager.

Parenting Joy:  Why would you have children without the meditative preparation of living in the moment.

Learning to see each situation as a distinct new set of interactions moving together as a first time thing every thing.  All of life is in flux.  Look at each living moment with eyes from the heart instead of from the mud and pressure of personal histories.

Look around when you are walking with your family and see what is going on. Do this in a respectful way to allow the development of interest of the event by the family member as well as behaving as the primary caregiver and agent of safety. Think, where am I coming from by this reaction?

Creating a safe space with a joy of the feeling of personal freedom is the great gift we can give to those in our care. It is true, as well, to all people we interact with as we walk together on this planet, wherever we are at this time. What am I giving to this situation and what will I get out of the behavior I am contemplating are what I want myself and the people reading this to ask.

One member of my family has a lovely little dog. The memory pressure terrorizes her out of the pages of her past, out of her history.  Her first dog was allowed to walk freely.  That little dog ran into the street, was hit by a car, and did not survive. She over reacts out of her fear rather than the natural loving attention she truly possesses.

Life is fun if we allow ourselves to enjoy everything for exactly what it is.

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