Rewiring the System

The Blizzard In My Life Is Being Jobless

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on September 27, 2009

My gift is a warm heart, intuition, creativity and intelligent listening.  By gift, I mean the spectrum of possible that I came into this world with to explore, expand and execute.

The Blizzard in my life is being Jobless.

I am ‘living’ on my small alimony and the generosity of strangers, the most helpful has vanished, which adds up to about three dollars a day.  My loneliness is due to having difficulty being understood by people. This is largely because of my many near death experiences and the big near death experience when I flat lined in intensive care after brain surgery.  My brain injury, after four falls and two times having my car hit causes speech and thinking differences.

Sometimes I feel more alone when I am with people than I am by myself since there is such misunderstanding.  If I just keep quiet, I seem to be more understood and more welcome.  This is nihilism in action.  There is nothing I can do to alter my physical condition. However, I can reprogram my need to be liked, and then loved by people I meet. Just as all people need to be loved as they are, I need to be loved as I am. What retraining can I offer to people in the way of insight about brain injury so that others will not feel afraid that people are dangerous and not dependable?

I am a good listener for others who tell their stories to me and feel relieved in the circle of human empathy and compassion.  Never the less these same people cannot discern real listening to my small soft sound. I want to be a good listener to and for myself so I might learn how to hear inside my own veneer.


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