Rewiring the System

Where In My Body Do I Store Guilt?

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on March 16, 2010
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Where In My  Body Do I Store Guilt?

Just two days ago I was listening to a man tell me about how he feels guilt. It started me thinking about guilt. Until I was driving home from a networking cocktail gathering in Oakland this evening I believed that I did not have historic guilt hiding in my mind/heart. It hurts enough that it had to be lodged in my heart and not in my convoluted cerebral organization. If guilt were, simply a repeating ‘thought’ it would not hurt as it dug into my core and diminished enough tissue to cause a lasting scar. I can never redo what is past. As I drove past the section of the highway, freeway, or expressway, depending where you live you call the multi lane conveyer one name or the other, I remembered that night several years ago. My daughter called me late at night and told me she was stranded on some section of the freeway. She gave me directions to get to her and I drove around and past the spot where she was in her broken car with her wonderful friends. Somehow, no matter which way I drove on the highway or which exit or turn I took I could not seem to get to her. After more than an hour, I called her on my cell phone and told her I just could not figure out how to get to her and would have to stop trying.  I still feel guilty that she had to call a cab because I could not figure out how to get to that specific off ramp.

I was talking to a wonderful person who opened up to me and rather than listen and try to allow the fresh air of caring conversation I stamped on his reality by saying that guilt is just a chemical action that tosses junk into the blood stream which lowers the white blood cell count. I should have listened. I am a part of nature, which is all the action and reaction, all the causes and effects, all the forms, and feelings that we all carry around. Can I improve my behavior with my friends?

I cannot apologize to my daughter but I can make myself a promise that when people tell me about guilt or anger or all the other deadly emotions I will practice active listening.  I bet I am suffering from Spring Fever!


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