Rewiring the System

Audrey Hepburn

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on May 7, 2010
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“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you’ll never walk alone.”
— Audrey Hepburn (1929-1993) British Actress

Once in a lifetime a selfless person comes into your life. Could it happen again that a lovely man would want to couple and companion in the way that would make both of our lives better than either of us would be alone? Woe is me, that I did not recognize him three years ago when he appeared at my door with a dozen highly scented deep red roses. Each time he came to take me out for the six months we dated, he arrived with a dozen roses. Whatever color, scent, or shape of Rose that caught his fancy, that were for sale in the florist, around the corner from his home in Hayward. He favored Roses. I love Roses. They are a truly spiritual flower.

One sunny afternoon we trekked to the Peanut Butter Festival on the island of Alameda just a short ride across the Park Street Bridge from Oakland CA. Wes had a luxurious new SUV. It was a comfortable ride. The Festival would be more than a street faire, with all sorts of local color including the black cowboys riding speckled ponies to the antique cars and the colorful individuals who formed the clubs. Local artists brought their wears and eateries had special nibble menus. There were free jars of Peanut Butter given to all the strollers as well as peanut flavored granola bars and other peanut treats.
I was living in a bad part of town where every night the streetwalkers stood around waiting to be used and abused. Two doors down from my studio apartment there was a drug shoot out with one person killed and with police and the dealers running right in front of my apartment door. These were the days and times of my attention on pure survival. Just one step away from being a homeless mendicant. Trust of any sort or the fact that I have ‘trust issues’ had not risen to the surface of my mind. My thinking about myself in relationship to both me, who I am internally and externally and who I am to other people had not yet concerned me.

Wesley rode into my life at full gallop. The first time we looked at one another in the eye, he said he did not understand how lucky he was to meet such a lovely person. He was just starting to date after a natural hiatus after his first wife, mother of his two adult children, passed away. Had he been in grief for long enough he asked himself? He said, ‘Oh no, not such a wonderful person for a first date in my new adventure in dating!’ He really liked me right away, in a blink!

That day walking up and down the Alameda Park Street faire, he told me how much I reminded him of Audrey Hepburn. He produced a sail cloth bag with the smiling face of Audrey. ‘I want you to have this and always remember you are as beautiful as she, inside and out.’
I had an emotional temper tantrum a month later forgetting all the good things we had together and I walked out of his life. Mistakes I have made, many mistakes in my looking for love trials. They, the good contacts, cannot be put aright or together in the same way as they were before. I live with the truth that I broke the relationship, but have I learned anything from this?
I live life as best as I can always listening to the sage advice of Audrey Hepburn! Be kind and good to others, serving those who cannot do for themselves, live with the grace of a ten year old and know that I never walk alone even if people do not surround me.


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