Rewiring the System


Day Four

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on August 29, 2010
Tags: , , , , , ,

Saturday started slowly since no hospital trips for radiation on the weekends. I am reprieved! There are no radiation treatments on any of the weekends during my six week series, so now I will love the weekends more and more than ever before.

I did not set, therefore I did not wake, to the alarm. I woke to the fingers of light filtering in through the slated window covering. There was a spiritual alarm of longing buzzing inside of my being that filled the lull.

One thing you probably already surmise, I meditate regularly. For many years it has been the real food of life, my real life. Sitting quietly and listening to the music of the spheres as the cycle of in and out moves me toward clarity within the things here on Earth. Yay, Earth!

As I feel my movement slow down to no energy, I see life move at its usual pace and I feel out of sync. The city is spinning at 78 revolutions, like a roller coaster coming over the crest and I am revolving as the carousel slowly moves up and down in short undulating waves. I am a watcher and a listener to the stuff, mute to answer the call of life!

Last Tuesday I was reading about movement in one of my spiritual studies books. I was thinking about Infinity – the Movement of everything out to the edges of the imaginable. It is movement, I believe, which makes the all and everything. It is the shimmering of movement that shakes up the airwaves to start a sound. I create within this movement. Somehow I created this bout with cancer.

Today, my morning creation is lighting a candle and a stick of pure incense. I sit in my seat looking at the bowl of water and porcelain filled with white rice that His Holiness has blessed. I am creating a replica of the image of the starry feminine in my inner being using my inner eye.

The years of practicing visualizing has its rewards. I can sit and do this even though I am diminished in energy flow. I have the flow in my heart as a reservoir of truth.

I make my morning beverage the evening before. I do this so it will be ready and at room temperature, though not a purist in that regard. I had a cup of coffee this Monday for breakfast, out with a friend, and burned my lip since because the coffee was just brewed. I had unlearned how to drink hot coffee. Funny how little things seem like such a huge change…. In my living room, my tepid coffee in hand, I go sit. I sit for over an hour, yet it seems like 10 or 15 minutes. You might wonder why I am sharing this meditating fact?

As I take my first steps into radiation and its effects on both my body and mind, I notice how much this body and my essence, or what I call my motivating moving consciousness, are different from one another. It is my body that is getting the treatments for actions and behaviors that my consciousness moved it to doing. I am seeing the place of my will to change as an important tendon holding in tension my being. I have habits that must be transformed.

To this end I got up this morning and though I am of low energy I was determined to make a stand. I would prioritize the desires and figure out what is the best use of my waning energy.

First, I thought, I was going to wash and dress. It was actually hard work to put on my clothes. After I brushed and polished myself, I took note of how much I wanted to go back to bed and rest.

Aahh, the old habits are in conflict with what I actually am supposed to do. The one important thing that I have not learned is how to rest. It has been more than 5 years since a doctor, Tina Neff, told me I needed to rest. She took time to explain exactly what is registered as rest by the organism. Should I say that the brain recognizes certain waves of energy as awake and others as resting? Sitting and reading is registered as work and not rest. Same with watching TV. Resting, I was admonished, is lying down with my eyes closed. It is doing nothing. Meditation is not resting. Meditation is a workout for the zigging and zagging over-active thought muscle churning out thoughts. Meditating is forcing the mind to
stop generating all the jazz.

I drove home from the other side of campus today on the scenic streets and not on the seemingly faster freeway. One of the things that caught my attention was the setting sun on the Christ the Scientist building. Christian Science is a religion founded by Mary Baker Eddy in 1866 and practiced by members of The First Church of Christ, Scientist as well as some others who are non-members. Its central texts are The Bible and the Christian Science textbook, Science & Health With Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy. In the textbook, Mary Baker Eddy describes her religion as a complete and coherent Science which is both demonstrable and provable. Mary Baker Eddy spent the two years prior to the publication of Science & Health documenting evidence for the healing of various diseases and other physical ailments. (Many of these are recorded in the Chapter entitled ‘Fruitage’). Christian Science asserts that man and the universe as a whole are spiritual rather than material in nature and that truth and good are real, whereas evil and error are illusive products of a fictitious material existence.

The setting Saturday sun shown on this edifice of science of mind is not to be confused with Scientology.

I went to the bank to cash a check that was a kickback from my new mobile phone carrier. I just parked in front of the bank and scampered in since walking around the block would use so much energy. Imagine my having to think in that way! The bank has a free parking lot complete with a guard to watch the cars just around the corner. I just am so tired feeling that walking hurts! The only way I can imagine moving around is in the pool with the water supporting my pace.

The car took me to the bank, but thinking and watching the road for all the ambient particles in the flow of traffic needs a focused attention. I do not and did not want to meet any new police this day. ’ No intervention by the patrolling’, I said to a man driving with his right rear light not functioning. He laughed and said thank you to me. Even with my energy low, I still know that we are all in this life together and need to care. How much is a ticket for a rear light blown? And having to answer all the questions, including getting a complete national terrorist evaluation!

I felt good being dressed in my Craigslist Foundation bright green Volunteers t-shirt from last week’s Boot Camp event on the UC Berkeley campus. I helped somehow with the lunches or ?? My memory has been affected by the shock and the treatment. So I got washed and dressed and went to the bank. Whew!

The rest of the day wasn’t long because my busy schedule is a short list since I went out to the bank after 2 in the afternoon. I am so tired, that I am now going to roll over and let sleep guide me to dreamland.

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