Rewiring the System


day five

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on August 30, 2010
Tags: , , , , , , ,

No capitals on the columns holding me up today. The Capitols, Iambic or
Corinthian, lovely as they may be, are off with the group of those who have no self evaluation skill.
Cold stone beauty or vibrant messy living with the Path? It is the difference between, ‘I Like the way you played’ and ‘the music you played filled me with joy’. One is not involved with or engaged in life. I choose to be with the sound vibrations coming from the instrument. The Joy in the second comment is music entering your ear, brain and heart moving you with emotion. Which person are you? I am biting into a ripe juicy tomato and thinking I am the tomato, full of flavor.
In the beginning of this day I was under the quilt my daughter made for me from silk strips from a fine Tie factory. It seems too warm for the 650 ounce down comforter.
The telephone rang in the midst of the State Park as I was trying to understand the license plate on the Van on the gravel road. It was filling up with passengers. I stood there looking at the gray green flatness of the plate, unlike any car license on our planet. The panel van was dark blue and the people stepping into the rear section did not want to talk or engage with me. But the plate was so distinct i wanted a closer look. It has symbols more like calculus than numbers or letters. The shapes were ever so slightly raised as an imprint. The person on the riser as I came close to them, had that, ‘are you crazy, get away from me now’ look. I was about to speak when I was shaken out and tumbled into this time and space.
Hello, Hello, I say into the phone. It is my friend, calling about our getting together today. She and I had planned to be going for a drink and talking. We had not talked for weeks. I have been consumed with my issue of cancer and radiation and she did not want to bother me … she did not know what I wanted or how to get in touch ‘properly’.

I have not decided if being careful in relationships is better or worse than just reaching into life with graceful action. I have personally sided with the grace in action. Some short time back I was in a situation where a woman I know was throwing up in a bathroom stall. There were a group of people just on the other side of the bathroom threshold not moving, but thinking and wondering. I moved across the threshold and whispered through the stall door, ‘You are not alone’. I did not know what had made her sick but I did know what it feels like to throw your cookies. The best assurance that this yucky feeling was not eternal was to reach out with love. That love was received because later she moved close to me and said in a soft voice so that I was the only one to hear. She said Thank You. We understood and felt the human connection. It is that simple.
My dreaming is so realistic and colorful. It is more life like sometimes than where I am, here at this moment, typing my stories on this blog. More realistic are my dreams the the illumined procession of my days.
My dear friend and I went to a wonderful eatery and both enjoyed a perfectly poached egg and a scone. She prefers iced coffee and I like my coffee black and strong. We talked for over two hours planted in our seats over our drinks. Amazing that we were not charged rent by the proprietors. It was such a wonderful treat. Talking and sharing stories with a person you love and trust is the greatest gift of life. Second and third on my list are chocolate and ice-cream! I need a body to taste the flavors of life.
Talking is/was tiring to me today. My friend said that my eyelids were drooping and she could see that I was tired. Deep bone dread tired. In fact I had actually slept 10 hours. I was in one Technicolor dream after another and I was semi awake for them all. It is just the last one before waking that I remember with such clarity. It did seem that my arms, fingers, my legs and toes were numb or ‘asleep’ and that caused me to change my position a lot through the night. Does that mean I did not get solid deep sleep? I don’t know.
I was driven home from the eatery feeling wonderful. I was full of good nutrition and friendship.
Being home was comfortable but I really wanted to stretch.
Off I went to the Y to get wet and stretch in the water. The doctors told me it was ok to go swimming while I was getting the radio active radiation. Yes, I was concerned that the water and the irritated skin would be contraindicated and I am glad I can go for a dip. I just wanted to walk in the water because all my joints were just so stiff.
I sat in the steam room for a short time then slipped into the aqua chill and walked for a few laps. It was wonderful. I forgot about my issue and just enjoyed the pool. I was emboldened to actually swim the breast stroke. It is the easiest on all my body parts. Back and forth I went forgetting to count the laps. I was in the pool for quite a long time. Delicious pleasure! The Jacuzzi bubbling away took the chilling of my core from the cold wetness and smoothed my stretching. There are some familiar faces and we made casual conversation. ‘We are the ones who exercise’, the energy hovered over my head. This was good. I will really strive to overcome my deep tiredness and make it to the pool every other day during this ordeal.
Today was a second day of no actual hospital or radiation. My Weekend with no race to run to get dressed and out the door to an appointment. I must get there on time. Patients are lined up for every half hour with the staff and equipment adhering to the schedule. No big machine today humming and pointing rays at my body. I felt wonderfully alive in my life. It is a life I had taken for granted before this dance with X-rays.
At home, I had a bowl of veggie and barley soup waiting for me to pop into the microwave along with a half a roasted bell peper and mozzarella cheese slice. I am fed and in bed. Day 5 is gone…

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One Response to 'day five'

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  1. badthing said,

    I’m 🙂 that you are feeling well enough to take pleasure in what most people take for granted in this life.

    I hope you continue to get stronger and healthier as the days go by.

    Have a good night and very pleasant dreams.

    Marilyn


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