Rewiring the System


Xray Pictures and Radiation: 12

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on September 10, 2010
Tags: , , , , , ,

I wonder how the Universe knows the difference between what I ‘want’ and what I ‘need’. The disparity is blinding. I am glad to have what I need and try to give what I can give or do what I am able to help others.

If you are visiting my home town I will drop my projects to take you on the best travel guide I can imagine is right for you A short while ago I got to take a visitor to every possible view of the Golden Gate Bridge and surroundings.

If you are in need of a ride I will offer to take you and wait to bring you back. If you are shy about getting on and off the freeway ramps I will give you a gentle lesson and talk about your fear, with references to our daily life, then take you on a practice run, or as many as you feel you need.

I will be there for you when you need a helping hand acros your physical, emotional and philosophical abyss.

I feel lucky to have the spiritual fiber to understand that we are connected. I believe we are connected by consciousness of self and our quality of warmth in each of our hearts. I feel that consciousness is what we call being alive. Our life is living in every other person as a spark. I am a spark. You are a spark. Nature is the ultimate spark.

If you are suffering I believe we are, all people are diminished.

I am not always available. Like now, I am tired from my treatments and need to practice self care and priorities. It is a new warm flow of energy coursing through my viens. I am important member of the family of man. I have no ego in my self importance or lack of importance. I must learn how to take care of myself to make the most of what I am made of for useful service.

Today is the first day that I got out of bed with out wooden hurting legs and ancles especially my calfs. My legs have been in so much pain since the my surgery. Now I am into the day after day, after day, of this marathon!
And all day I am fighting fatigue. It is in waves. I wake up and wash and dress then feel flaccid and dull. I eat and do my studies, meditate in a way to be connected to the flow of life. Life pulsing with love and joy, this gives me the ability to get to the hospital in time.

My car died yesterday. Right in my parking space behind my building. (Did I write about this before?) … I went to turn the key and nothing happened. It clicked. I gave the car a charge and it till clicked, A friend came over to look and the car clicked. Today the car was towed to the local honest auto shop, my charming blue collar genus diesel engineer picked for me. Though we are just friends, everything was ready and all the questions answered so I only had to sign my name. It is true that a woman alone does not get the same price or treatment as a man in the auto repare or purchase area. I love when a real man takes care of things. It is the way people show that they care. It is not in words but actions. I am fortunate to have such a nice friend who lives in my county.

It will cost 450.00 plus tax for the starter and labor and an oil change and maybe an air filter. Adding the cost of the rental car might bring close to 800.00 dollars the cost of this sudden adventure. Right now this is my only choice. I am actually unable to go out and find and purchase a car during radiation. I need help!

I wonder why all this physical drama, this transportation crater, is going on. I have to remain present and forward moving staying focused in what I have to do every moment and not focus on the past puzzle pieces. It is all just material moving along and I must not get hooked in iridescent irrelevance.

I feel I have one Epic to move with or move around, one after another. What I cared about before I must put beside me. This is making me so very tired. I seem not to be able to ask for what I want. My daughter is helpful again and I really needed her today. I need more people. I have to reach out to the truth that free will is a powerful tool toward unity, that Freedom as a ego centered desire for only self is irrelevant! Yes, No, Yes, No!
Sting in a tender spot…

I am driving a big gray Elephant Town Car. It is like moving in a sequestered space. It is very quiet and comfortable. My Physics friend wants me to get a Lincoln. He says that no matter what happend I would walk away unhurt in a big car. I am important to some people over and above the cost of mile per gallon gas cost balanced against the cost of putting my body back together again. The front end of this rented Lincoln is very out of alignment. The car veers to the right so it is work to drive. It is dangerous to take a hand off the wheel, but as a passenger it is sublime.

I go to my fine Honda SE long and luxerous car and it does not start. I need to find a way to get to the hospital so I call Enterprise. I have an account there since I always used them in the past 7 or more years but I am not privy to their information.
I am in the rental place and I somehow get to leave the store in a new long luxury conveyance. I get what I need.

It might ‘seem’ that this is what I want, Yes, who doesn’t like the smooth ride over the bumps on the road in the moment of radiation? I have only the grace of Mother Nature in my heart. It the the universal ‘give and take’ or cause and effect that is the music in which I currently sway. Who could orchestrait my life other than her? Perhaps any other car would have been more difficult for me and my tender parts to sit in the seats.

My pain levels are constant. I am told that I will only get 3 times worse. I was told this because I asked for the real story, the truth! Only the truth as the doctors see into this process rather than ‘phantesy’ semi lie sort of desperation that is the usual doctor banter. Doctors want to have all the wiggle room to make the patient feel they are doing more each time. I rather know the imagined end game right up front.

As a human being we have things in common but how we think about our situations separate us. Some see the real and others only what they think or feel is real. The real truth helps in concert to build the life we have from the life we only complain about.

So I am driving around in a charmed vehicle. I will have the big Lincoln for two more days so that the garage will not have to rush and I will not be stressed about transportation. In this way when I get my much loved gold dust Honda back it will be humming with joy.
I now have to imagine in my heart and minds eye and breath out the dream with the funnel power of my lungs out into the forming and reforming particles to build out of my dream the car I need for the next 10 or 15 years. My lovely 1993 Honda Accord has over 220 thousand miles. It has wide tan leather seats like the Lincoln. I look forward to a great new car when I am well enough to look around. For now I am listening to my heart.

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