Rewiring the System

Off X-Rays, On Family K-Rays

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on September 12, 2010
Tags: , , , , , ,

Kryptonite is quite rare. The K-metal is used by members of my blood family to rob me of my strength. I did not know how deeply I allow myself to be drained by Family Kryptonite. I crawl away in a state of wonder. How did this happen?

I need my Wonder Woman Shield! Oh Great Wonder, with the prowess and wrist action that directs the Golden Lasso to harness the the family in the sky with diamonds. Clarity in the rainbow facets reflecting the my many aspects of the constant speed of light hold and protect me from the harmful particles.

Today: My emotions might be raw, though I am an Angel, I may find myself acting rashly because of the physical way I feel. I realize that this behavior may be met with strong opposition. I am the master of discipline and rational thinking at times so this opposition comes up to smack me in the face. I want to let my emotions be an asset that helps fuel my passion, but I don’t let the passion I feel. rule me entirely. Temper Temper Temper my actions with self-restraint or my whole house will collapse.

One out of four times we are together is easy and fun then I do not feel injured. Today was particularly scurrilous. The last two times I was driven to the hospital were more difficult and draining than the radiation.

The Cur, a diminutive of Curmudgeon, is never happy and it is ‘my’ doing. I feel compassion for this young person since it is a thoughtless replication of her Fathers behavior, to kick me when I am weak. I guess she has been pulled and is not resisting the replication. Is this how people get estranged?

Over time, kryptonite use was so abundantly pointed at me that I have become unbalanced. So many ordinary emotional criminals kept a supply as a weapon to thrust at my naive heart. Kryptonite behaves as wormhole in modern theoretical physics and sucks people into a different reality and different time reference. I intend to stay opened, to the good and the other than great, that comes along with the flow. Oh Great Wonder Woman keep me grounded.

I remember with some surprise the day The Leader of the Celtic Assembly took me by the arm for a walk. He picked up my hand and placed it on his forearm moving me away from my then husband. He said he had heard the way I am being treated and spoken to and that was not the way I must be treated. There we walked between the standing stones not that dissimilar from Stonehenge talking about human relations. My daughter was in 6th or 7th grade. Bill said to me that my husband is a curmudgeon and it is dangerous for me to stay with him. I must divorce him as soon as possible. He invited me into his circle. In fact one of his students befriended me with the intension to date me. I lived along the pothouse road and the center and group of students were hours away by car along turnpikes and winding two lane highways on the Fox Run Road.

We had a an apartment in the Mountains just on the other side of the river from the Calumcille. It was to have a place to stay when my daughter was skiing on the team.

Bill had a group of reincarnated Celtic Monks rebuild some of the structures that housed the group more than 500 years ago. They are from one of the far flung islands. Together they had transported at least one of the very ancient rocks from across the pond to the mountain in Pennsylvania.

He took me for a walk along the Calumcille path. Saint Columba (7 December 521 – 9 June 597 AD) – also known as Colum Cille (Old Irish, meaning “dove of the church”), Colm Cille (Irish), Calum Cille (Scottish Gaelic) and Kolban or Kolbjørn (Old Norse, meaning “black bear”) – was a Gaelic Irish missionary monk who propagated Christianity among the Picts during the Early Medieval Period. He was one of the Twelve Apostles of Ireland.

Columba was born to Fedlimid and Eithne of the Cenel Conaill in Gartan, near Lough Gartan, in modern County Donegal, part of the Province of Ulster in the north of Ireland. On his father’s side he was great-great-grandson of Niall of the Nine Hostages, an Irish high king of the 5th century. He was baptised in Temple-Douglas, in the County Donegal parish of Conwal (mid-way between Gartan and Letterkenny), by his teacher and foster-uncle Saint Crunathan.

In early Christian Ireland the druidic tradition collapsed due to the spread of the new Christian faith. The study of Latin learning and Christian theology in monasteries flourished. Columba became a pupil at the monastic school at Clonard Abbey, situated on the River Boyne in modern County Meath. During the sixth century, some of the most significant names in the history of Irish Christianity studied at the Clonard monastery. It is said that the average number of scholars under instruction at Clonard was 3,000.

Twelve students who studied under St. Finian became known as the Twelve Apostles of Ireland. Columba was one of these. He became a monk and was ordained as a priest. During this time he is said to have founded a number of monasteries, including ones at Kells, Derry, and Swords.

Tradition asserts that, sometime around 560, he became involved in a quarrel with Saint Finian of Movilla Abbey over a psalter. Columba copied the manuscript at the scriptorium under Saint Finian, intending to keep the copy. Saint Finian disputed his right to keep the copy. The dispute eventually led to the pitched Battle of Cúl Dreimhne in 561, during which many men were killed. A synod of clerics and scholars threatened to excommunicate him for these deaths, but St. Brendan of Birr spoke on his behalf with the result that he was allowed to go into exile instead. Columba suggested that he would work as a missionary in Scotland to help convert as many people as had been killed in the battle. He exiled himself from Ireland, to return only once again, several years later.

Columba’s copy of the psalter has been traditionally associated with the Cathach of St. Columba. I saw this when it traveled around the world to art museums. I was fortunate to have all the time I needed to view this show of artifacts and this psalter at the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

I do not want this sort of relationship with my family or any future family. I do not know what to do at this point. Time and again my heart is broken. I can not seem to get the respect every human needs to thrive.

My energy is low and roller coasters up and down. I seem to forget what the really great Doctor Fowbel told me at the beginning of this ordeal. Put Productivity Aside! Yes, I seem to forget. I must think. I must give myself the time to sort out things. I must learn not to take a point of view. I could be done what should be done as I struggle to make a difference in the life of my child.

At a certain point I have to focus on myself.
When my daughter went away to high school my dear friend Losang Samten said,’Now Look What a Wonderful Job You did With Your Daughter, Now It Is Time For You to Put that Same Energy Into YOURSELF’. I need to learn how to rest sufficiently so that I can build a waterford crystal bell around my being so that only the good and beautiful light.

I am not doing well today …But I have been very productive. I went shopping. Ate 75% fruits and vegetables. Tried to get my computer fixed at the Mac store in Emeryville Ca. where I am told the recession or depression has not stopped the flow of shopping for baubles of every stripe of elegance, The Mac store is thriving.

I do not know if my daughter will come back to me after todays barrage. I feel abused and maligned but mostly tired of the nervous feeling, anticipating danger. The words of affection and love arrive to my ears but the actions today frighten me. I feel un-familyied. Your thoughts, dear readers of these scribbles, whatever they may be, let me know in a comment that I might benefit from your experiences. Please dream a little dream for me.

It is the chemical power of her anger that fills the air between us. Kryptonite!

The shopping was just the sort of mindless action that covers every inner turmoil. Standing on my feet for so many hours has taken its tole on my swollen knee. I actually bought things that will have to be repaired in order to wear. That is really dumb as a fence post!

I feel sugared out. The action of applied emotions gave me the first real diarrhea in 10 or more years. I have the real runs! I guess I have to choose between being alone and lonely and the relaxing Theda brain waves which bring me the real rest I so need. Sleep take me away!


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