Rewiring the System


Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on September 14, 2010
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Today I got my thirteenth radiation treatment. It is Monday the thirteenth day of September 2010. All my joints are throbbing with pain. Is it swelling from the surgery, something about the fluids excreted from and by my lymph nodes.

It is the constant pain that makes me want to find out what is going on in my body. I believe it is related to my surgery yet I can get no information about what to do and I am worse today than yesterday and seem worse as every day passes.

I think it is peripheral concentration of fluids and or poor circulation. I believe I have the most common form of (symmetrical) peripheral polyneuropathy, which mainly affects the feet and legs. My legs and feet feel as stiff as a fence post. My joints of my fingers share a crying shiver along the strings of my nervous system down all the way down my legs to my toes. My arms too hurt.

I see the doctor Tuesday every week. Last week I got no information other than the mention of the doctor word for swelling, edema.

Can I fix myself? Will the medical system give me real information on how to heal.

Will I ever find Love? I am dreaming of Moses on that fateful thirteenth day on the Egyptian calendar when he split the waters. On the thirteenth day of of the month preceding the 40 days in the desert, some people were saved and some succumbed to the crashing return of their misbehavior.

I have had my 40 days in the loveless desert! A friend said I have to date like I am looking for a job. I have to date a lot ever week so that I have a chance to see who and what is available. Guess I do not have the energy to treat this project in the way that she said always works. Get out and start meeting people is the only way. I cannot do that now since I am in such constant pain. I know this difficulty and pain will pass but right now I really need a hug! Sending out positive thoughts and gracious energy right from my heart has not materialized any one I would want to spend much time with in any way other than as a friend.
I sped right from my two appointments and the one I got to late directly to the Y and spent an hour walking and swimming in the cool pool. I want to get my circulation moving so I walk in the supported splashing substance.

I do not know if I would have felt worse if I had not gone to the Y but I do not feel good now.

My drive to the hospital was uneventful because the traffic was very lite. I got a parking spot a block away form the entrance. I started today in stiffness so the ease getting to radiation was so wonderful.

The treatment was uneventful though the system had a long glitch and I was not on the table for more than a half hour after I was sitting, ready and waiting. It is a place that does many different treatments so that some things take more time. Radiation is not a swiss clock, but all things considered it is very smooth and easy.

The nutritionist had something else happen because I was late for our meeting. I am so sorry but some appointments tke longer than expected. I am sure she will call and reschedule.
Then I had my feel good to heal meeting. There were three woman who are living with breast cancer treatments. Both have more serious sorts of cancer. The two other woman had the breast removed. Both woman are accomplished in their fields. The three of us are the intellectual cream and here we sat with our stories and shared.

It was amazing. One had very high risk of the return with the most reactions, symptoms and the most complicated treatments. She had the scared timber in her voice. Her teen daughter is always by her side. I imagine that they are making the most of every moment of life.

The second woman has also lost her breast and she also has a daughter the same teen age year. She is having chemo and radiation. We all had surgery the first woman had a lot of lymph all down her arm as well as the breast.

The three of us had a different level of cancer invasion. I come away for this meeting feeling both shocked and fortunate. Shocked at the real close call that people have with disease and fortunate that the cancer was found very early.

I got to play make up with two lovely woman to make all three of us feel we can do this and get past this with grace and not loose our selves in the suffering.


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