Rewiring the System


19 Almost Radioactive

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on September 22, 2010
Tags: , , , , , ,

Monday, I sleep thru the night for the first time in weeks. Tuesday I awoke without the feeling of gravely concrete in my brain which made seeing clearly difficult at best and heavy with a deep weariness. I got out of bed without the mantle of gray weights in both my mind and body.

The prescribed cream to put on the badly bured crevices and underside of my left breast to numb the pain worked. Seems the prescription cream, is the sort of thing the dentist uses when you are getting root canal is available for surface use. The pain I have from the radiation feels so much like the pain Of root canal. Just like after the Novocain, which allows the dentist to dig around and pull out the root, wears off.

As of today, I am getting through this with Lidocaine and a foam pad to keep the skin from contact with skin, clothing, contact or movement.

One after another lovely day in Cancer Recovery Prison. I wonder how I will feel when all this stops? Will I suffer from withdrawal? I am so habituated to waking up and getting on the treadmill traveling to the Hospital and getting cooked. The skin is the first line of defense but it really is mirroring the cooked quality of my entire breast. I am aflame with knowing that there is a breast there sort of simmering in its own cooked state.

It is Tuesday, I get up and wash. It is late because I went back to sleep after the phone rang to wake me. I slept another hour and a half after the designated time to arrise with enough time to do things in an easy pace. I rush to put on my clothes that I put aside the night before. The coffee is waiting and I eat my sunny side up eggs and dash out the door. I get in the car and look around for my sunglasses and I realize that I left my handbag on my dinning room table.

I am not thinking clearly. This is the aspect of the radiation that is the most difficult to accomodate.

I find that I am going around my apartment looking for my keys and I suddenly look down and realize they are in my left hand. It was in this state of discombobulation that, after finding my keys in my hand, I got into the car without my handbag.

There is something very special about the University Of California San Francisco Medical Center. I call the Radiation department to say I will be late and am told that I will be taken in for treatment as soon as I arrive. Everything was smooth and graceful. It is the most amazing discovery, that there are medical centers living The Hippocratic Oath. It is an oath historically taken by doctors swearing to practice medicine ethically. It is widely believed to have been written by Hippocrates, often regarded as the father of western medicine. Some say it is an oath that was proposed by Pythagoreans sitting in the triangle warmed by the Mists of Delphi, the Oath was materialized for the greater good for humanity struggles. This oath is considered a rite of passage for practitioners of medicine in some countries, although nowadays the
Greek text has been reformed to gage with the varies among the countries.

All the doctors I see at UCSF are living examples of the original Hippocratic Oath. They not only do not harm they practice kindness that is the best of the healing arts. I want to tell everyone that I am so very grateful for this loving kindness.

My personal life is not filled with grace and caring so it is possible to loose faith in life. Having a healing center with a healing practice is a great support.

Today is the International Day Of Peace for all the United Nations. I take a moment to think of the care teams world wide bringing treatments to people with the whole variety of dis-eases, unbalances and suffering. Peace as I breath in and Peace as I breath out!

I want to work for Compassion and Peace. A Poppy among Wheat is the heart felt wish of all mankind. I wish this too. It is the best and most beautiful radiance gleaned from each individual vision working together that is important effort in our lifetime. It is Peace within each persons heart that beams out into the surroundings creating a web of peacefulness. This is essential for the survival of all man kind.

I might be suffering a series of physical unbalances but in my heart I know that my spark of light is intact. AsI sat in the waiting room I contacted that spark in my heart. I let the little light of mine shine. I sat in the Great Mothers lap, I thought of both Mary’s. Mother Mary of Nazareth and Mary of Magdala who is described, in the New Testament, as one of the most important women in the movement of Jesus throughout his ministry. My little light shines out past the need for a lap to rest in and opens into the vast unity of light in movement and action.

The doctors wonder how to help me get through the radiation process since the fact that I have large breasts causes me to have more intense reactions. It is logical since the area of body being cooked is greater so there will be more happening. In my heart I know that I must care for this body of mine and that my body is where this spark lives and makes actions and reactions. I am that body only to a point where use meets service. The light is what really carries me through this process. I am fortunate that I have such a wonderful team to hoist me up toward true healing. I am using this cancer as a study in self transformation. I still have my vices of over sized portions of food but I have a new consciousness about this. It was a big contributing factor in my allowing the possibility of cells turning against me. I will continue to strive to take better care of my body as I see the doctors strive to do what part they can for me. We will meet in healing and happiness on both fronts.

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