Rewiring the System


Zap 20

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on September 23, 2010
Tags: , , , , , ,

Oh what a long day!
There is something to be said about the surface vener of a person. The way you look and the way you dress covers who you are and what you actually are feeling.

Today I was very well dressed. I did this for a reason. I know that my comfortable clothes are not always good in the game of life. I know when I meet doctors they are more comfortable when they are talking to someone who looks like a person from their own social circle.

Back in my time as a kept non working stay at home mom I had in my circle doctors and other professionals who lived the high life.

Today I pieced together an outfit from various non traditional sources to mimic that time and gracious quality and touch. The window pane tweed cuffed pants with the one thread of light yellow I got at a local Goodwill store for four dollars because it had no zipper. I took the pants to my favorite dry cleaner and for twelve dollars she put in a zipper. 4+12 = 16 dollars for really amazing high end threads. I bought and had them fixed a year or more ago.

The Jones of New York cashmere and silk zipper jacket with a matching silk mock neck shell which I purchased in a special sale for fifteen dollars last month just before the radiation started. I could still imagine shopping last month. The two items of clothing made a very good outfit. I have a professional pair of locally made mary -jane shoes that look well and are supported by inner arches. I am comfortable standing on my feet as well as happy to find my appearance so nice as I pass a looking glass.

I looked amazing with my new make up, specially color coded for my actual skin and color type. The eye liner surprise was a gift from an oncologist. She announced that she wanted to get me a color she thought would be right for me. I was falling into dull shallow colored sag sad. Suddenly the radiation treatments completely overwhelmed me. It turns out that the color of the eye liner is one that I would never have picked for myself and It Looks Perfect. It is amazingly RIGHT and beautiful with its copper sparkles in the dark brown. I feel cared for in many unexpected ways at the UCSF centers.

I am ready for my meetings being in fine surface form, carefully crafted to create comfort to build success in this conversation and ultimately as a successful real long term healing relationship with this medical professional.

So this preparation for the meeting is very draining. It takes time to dress well with the social armor of the upper middle or lower upper class. How can I tell the difference? I suppose I did not wear jewelry or my Archangel Michael Wings. Yet this preparation is a social oil which causes the system to move smoothly.

Many doctors do not fulfill their promise of dialogue and healing from the place of expansive knowledge. They know things because of their study yet they filter all this precise science through their personalities like creating individual rainbows in a Waterford cut crystal. We are each so different in form and in inform. How he and I think about the facts make us have different beliefs. It was weeks before I got any real true information about what was going on under the first line of defense Skin! Few doctors believe that I a patient can tollerate the fact that I am going to get worse before I get better.

A few years ago I gave a talk in Long Beach CA about breathing. It was there that I met many people interested in the Singularity as well as various organizations who are interfacing the computer algorithm and the natural cellular algorithm. Many of the most interesting, out on a limb, people I met are in the Oxford, England or the School of Crynogeitics and Life Extension. These centers include eating carefully to have a healthy body then freezing the entire body or cutting of the head and just freezing that. There is or was a center in Arizona where you can pay to have the ultra cold nitrogen tanks for your rest until less uncertain times.

Be this as it may I have a friend from the uber brainy groups who recommended a prescription drug to help my brain deal with the radiation dullness and weariness. I have the long list of the doctors in each department I had to see, in the effort to get at, remove, and heal the environmental cancer.

I went to each of these departments and asked for this prescription. Every one would not take a chance to give me what I knew and corroborated with some really smart caring persons would make me feel more awake and able to think and communicate.

So, After the debilitating burning of radiation on my skin, where I have second degree burns, I have to struggle to make sure I am believable and trust worthy to make an intelligent choice about a medication for regaining my ability to think and move. It was terrible. I had to speak to an intern who had the bedside manner of a viper and her really powerful director of the medication department for the cancer centers et al! The are the last possibile place I can legally find and get this drug! at last a glimmer.

Being my own advocate while I am getting treatments is terrifying. I really struggled to make my case with the three assembled professionals who are responsible that my meds will do no harm and will give me more of my so very dull suddenly snapped brain,.

I got the prescription and tomorrow morning I become Alice In Wonderland, This Pill Will Make Me Small and down the hole I go! I get to protect my head and heart with a better grip on my consciousness. My weariness is what I want to address with a little pill in the morning. I will take my first one tomorrow. The path to get this pill has taken two months! Perseverance furthers.

I am glad to have been at the Hospital so long. I went to the Osher Center to make sure the right appointment at the right time and day was on my calendar. I go and speak with the office manager and get the right day at the right time. I am currently having a problem knowing the right time since I seem to note on my pda mistakes rather than perfection. It is one of the complications I am having to the radiation. It is really strange since I have always prided myself on arriving on time to all events.

Standing behind the managers desk is the director of the Laughter Yoga program at the hospital. I attended a few of the sessions because some days are so long that I am on the campus at 5:30 or 6 when the Laughter Yoga sessions start. I very much liked participating in the group. It combines the laughter with real exercise. I found after the first time that I was sweating, huffing and puffing. I loved it! I love laughing too. After the first class the woman came up to me and told me I was a natural! Isn’t that funny in itself.

Are we not all natural human beings? We, you and I just have to get in touch with some fun inside. I know we are all born to enjoy fun and laughter.

My friend N. brought me to my surgery last month and stayed with me and brought me home. N saw the sort of Medicine was being delivered at UCSF and liked it. She immediately went about transferring her health care to UCSF because of what she saw in the operating floor both for patients and their relatives and friends. On a return visit for a surgical review she and I were crossing the street and a very lovely woman started up a conversation or she smiled at us in a certain attractive way. N asked where she was going and was told the Laughing Yoga group was meeting in the building across the street. We obediently followed in to this grand adventure. I have stayed with it. Now I am taking the training to add to my many ways to serve the needs of the stressed and overwhelmed.

This Thursday I am taking a refresher course on the Wholeness skills of Parker Palmer. It is a college level class I took at the Pacific School of Religion. It is a lovely Heart Centered way of holding the stories in community. The little things that we call difficulties are community building possibilities if we each can see the shared experience.

Today I found out that my wig has developed split ends! I was told that my body heat is causing the frizziness! Am I hot stuff or is it the radient atomic energy that is being shot into me that is causing my one wig to react. While I was waiting for my prescription I bought a bottle of fabric softener and soaked the wig . It is now drip drying . I will see if the synthetic strands respond to the fabric softener. I really have taken a real liking to wearing wigs! Will it become an addiction?
I go to the Pool as soon as possible after the treatments and more than any other thing it contributes to my feeling of well being. I am using alternative remedies to alleviate the intensity of the treatments. I take an ancient medicine for cortical flow from the adrenals over stimulation, in my case it is from being cooked with X-rays. The ancient med is Ashwagandha. I take Valerian dropps for my nervous system.

And I meditate every day. I try to sit in the morning before going into the city but if I miss that window I get to sit in the waiting room before the treatments and find my one flame and that focus of concentration is a real support and Joy. I am learning to Love myself. This is very hard for me since I have no example of unconditional love given to me other than my great guru and friend on the path, who loves me forever.

I am now in the equinox vibration! Light the candles, This Little Light Of Mine I Am Going To Let It Shine!

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