Rewiring the System


Rigorous Rest

Posted in Joy by rewiringangel on September 28, 2010
Tags: , , , , , , ,

How will the Universe right itself? I was out of balance for over a year. Now I am near the point just before the right change changes everything.

Today, Radiation was very intense. The positioning was not right. The skin just above the lymph incision was not flat but rippled which pinched my armpit. The radiation tech, is he a nurse, just proceeded with out regard. I wanted my arm raised an inch or two higher. Who and what lives in the details?

Yea, yes, its that red dressed ‘thang’. My red thing greets the devil detail red ‘thang’. I did not want to be unreasonable. The truth is that the people working in the radiation facility are knowledgeable and hard working. The small increments up and away from my body is not a huge issue because I have two more days of treatments and then I will never return to that basement dungeon room!

I am burning up as I touch the keyboard. It is not my hot emotions, in fact I am rather sangres froid about personalities in the sealed room in the basement oncology department. I actually have burning skin and the flesh under that covering.

Immediately after my last doctors appointment I drive directly to the Y where I do a few laps and also walked in the cool water at the Y for an hour. I just had to cool down. I used the cream given me to moisturize my skin. I also slaved on the Novocain cream, the numbing cream only lasts an hour. I sit here in my undies watching Jon Stewart completely enthralled in the program, yet I am wondering how I am going to manage to sleep with this pain and fire? I can’t take Vicadan and drive tomorrow!

The real issue is that so many doctors prescribe treatments that they have no real personal experience. Doctors are people and many people do not know how to come up with many options for all contingencies. I had a conversation with one doctor who is a gate keeper for all drugs. So many doctors are under fire and or fear of fire by the government or lawyers they are calcified and hunkering afraid of prescribing without the back up of three or four consenting doctors. I had to have five meetings with medical doctors who all said no to my request for a small strength brain activating medicine. It is just what I need to feel a little like myself as I get weary and drained from the radiation. Doctors who have not had any radiation at all stand and tell me what I feel or not. I could not be weary because there is no such thing as weariness from radiation!
It is a trip, the way health care is not a dialogue. The doctors hold their medicines close to their chests. I find that many prescribe things as the one and only that they have absolutely no personal experience using. I look at the several professionals I was forced by the system to sit and tell my side of the story who mouth this tightly held belief that patients will get into terrible trouble if dialogue was allowed.

I was asked an hours worth of deep questions in an effort to gauge how and if i was disturbed. Some how I pulled the BIL/TED talk that can be accessed somewhere on the net as the source of information about the med I AM REQUESTIJNG.
THE FIRST DOCTOR I MADE THIS REQUEST LOOKED ME STRATE In The Eye and siad she could loose her license!I do not want a doctor who thinks this way. So off I went to the original breast doctor then the oncologist and another all said one variation or another that i was drawing a line in the sand. It was perceived that there woud be a fight! fighting over vapors, health care has sunk into the witches pot in MacBeth. He told me that all of his patients who use a loud elephant nose to sleep are happy . It is the main treatment he prescribes for sleep disorders. I ask him if he had ever tried one to see hoe it worked first hand? Well no was the reply.

I will have to write more on this anon.
I will take a stand for self advocate! I did get some pills from the last in the series of five for one medical product delivered by a medical professional. I will see the two doctors at the end of their group string again. They both asked to see me again! Niiicccceeeeee. I like him very well. I told him I wanted him to be my doctor, he is knowledgeable and Direct!
The very propionate doctor I saw today behaved as though my symptoms could not be associated to the treatments. I gave him the woman look, like are you kidding, then he sort of turned.
I like all the doctors I have seen.

Tomorrow I want more pills and creams to lessen the terror. radiation is not in my mind.
IT IS IN MY BODY. RADIATION IS NOT IN MY LITTLE LIGHT CORE AND TROLLS OUT.
Two more days!

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