Rewiring the System


25 The Party’s Over

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on September 30, 2010
Tags: , , , , , ,

Why do woman think we can succeed? There have been so many things in the past that have been shown to work, but what works now? The truth, I ask, is what do the various doctors, (who are people actually), actually know what will heal. What does an individual doctor know about the multi-various cancer for each unique individual?

How can one doctor tell one woman that any water, shower or any submersion, will make the radiation not work? Another doctor did tell another woman that swimming is the best thing she can do to help the radiation and the healing.

This afternoon I met a woman walking along, as I was, in the last lane at the pool. Somehow in that ‘Blink’ we started enjoying talking to one another. She could see above the bathing suit my tell tale red left neckline. One gracious sentence after another with delight in our exercising together she shared part of one story about information technology in the high speed transportation sector. I had no ‘work sector’ to share, since I feel that talking about my philosophical work difficult. I do not take it personal though I look forward to an elevator length story line to share in good time with the right people. Who needs to know what I do or think? Yes, consensual habits have a way of kicking you in the butt!

I tell this new woman in my life that I had to keep moving to cool myself. I asked if I may walk along with her? She asked what happened to me. I talked about my last day of radiation. Then she shocked me by telling me she had breast cancer surgery four months ago at a hospital in San Francisco, just a short distance from UCSF.

I am surprised that two completely opposite medical directives were given to two woman from the same ethnic socio economic world. I am speechless. Her breast was so burned that it turned black! Her suffering was so visceral to me since I was having the simular radiation process around the same time. Yet our experiences are different because of our interaction with water. Now we are walking in water before the aerobic class talking about water in the healing process with radiation treatments for breast cancer. We both had a small cancer in the same area of each of our left breasts.

I want to shout from the roof tops and rafters that each individual must be their own advocate.

I had a less than adequate medical plan from my first health care professionals in a different medical center. Instead of arguing I stated simply that I wanted a second (different) opinion. It took a lot of energy and just plain magic good luck that hard work and effort manifest. I maintain that being ones own advocate is supreme!

I am fortunate in that I have been involved with some science writing in my early work life. I have pursued my interest in science by attending lectures, reading literature, cultivating interesting intelligent scientist friends, and some dating of the brilliant men who make things happen. I researched the spectrum of possible regimes for the sort of cancer that I had. I could read from the message at the bottom of the ultra sound film what the mysterious type of abhorrent cells had taken up residence in my body. People, You Have To Do Your Research!

Doctors did not tell me what would ultimately work best for me. I had to ask the doctors for certain medicines and specific products and processes based on my own investigations. I choose to be at a premiere research and teaching institution, one of the best in the world. I was and am fortunate, but I assure you the amount of actual time and energy I expended on my own behalf was astounding. I also felt some form of resistance to conversation each and every day with every health professional in my team. I have a great team.

I took a strong stand so that I would not be herded like any dumb cow with a one size fits all, one process fits all.

There is a grand strategic plan but does it take into consideration what the woman are going through or have gone through in the various programs? Each doctor only wants to dispense what is safe from their field of expertise. One doctor actually told me that she felt that giving me a certain medicine would put her in the position of loosing her license!
This is ultimately untrue. I had to see three other doctors, four who said no before I managed through my perseverance to get an appointment with a department head who wrote me a the desired prescription. This drug has made my life so much easier. It brought clarity to my radiation fogged mental equipment. My brain just got a little clearer. I had am hour interview with this last doctor! Health care is such hard work! It is hard to be smart about your own care with professionals who should be both helpful and trusted!

Today was the last day of my receiving radiation. Today is the twenty-ninth day of September. It is the 25th load of X-rays. I started this, if I remember correctly, in July.

I look at everything as a lesson. What is life trying to teach me? So, I am able to accept this even though I might not understand or know if I get the education intended. I have lived through the radiation.

Amazing that this part is over. I have had radiation from a great institution directed by an amazing doctor. Now comes the other side of radiation, the long reverse of the swelling. I have to rest and allow the fluids to be reabsorbed or flow out of my body. The only way I can heal is to rest. I want human contact yet I am advised to stay horizontal!

Though the staff never fully leveled with me, and certainly did not share the wealth of their knowledge, I did manage to ascertain some information. I guess the prevailing thinking is that if the patient is told the complex truth the unthinkable dialogue where everyone would bring intelligence in a shared way. This would further break the hallowed doctor as deity fantasy. Health care, with all the stone edifice erected would entertain the possibility of changing. Every one is resistant to change, doctors and patients, but most of all are the mechanics of the physical, the doctors.

It is the solid stuff of our world. It is dust dumped earth, cells drawn together into sinuses
what do we say… I am the dust of the earth, hearing the movement in my heart and through out my entire system. It has been a complex day. I start with my heart meditation which fills my being with balance. I open my heart to myself and only let in the good and the true. My coffee is ready to drink. I like making the coffee the night before so I do not have to think before I have my first cup of coffee! Funny how this works. I have the bitter taste gene that makes me love the smell and feel in my mouth of the bitter base line of dark strong black coffee. Real coffee epicures make the coffee fresh when they are ready to drink it but that would not work for me since I am still brain dead until the caffeine hits my brain stem. A friend takes me out to breakfast to celebrate the end of my treatments.

Right now I am so weary that I can hardly make sentences. I am glad for today.

In space I am in the flow that can be called a place where I am always relaxed and happy. I feel great possibility! Smile…

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