Rewiring the System


Day 3

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on October 3, 2010
Tags: , , ,

I guess I have to give in to another pain killer pill. How would I mange with out Morphine? The pain killer that is most often prescribed, Vicodin, always gives me the morning after hangover. I am able to think and type just 20 minutes after taking a small morphine tablet! Not the case with that other pain med. I know I will not need to take pain pills for ever but for now, when I truly need pain management. I am so very glad to have these pills!

I feel as though I am getting better after taking that little pill! The truth is that hurt comes back after three hours! Not very long. I just have to take a motrin and not another morphine tonight! More, more, more until this ‘situation’ is covered.

Yea, I am in a situation! I am in California and my heart is in the Big Apple on Saturday night. I do not want to go back to the east coast ever, though on Saturday Nights I travel to NYC by TV express. In 2010, ‘It is Live from New York’ I am there. I am a 20th century skitzyoid cancer suffering woman.

I watch TV in comfort. I am safe in my apartment. At last I have the choice to manage the pain in my body! Parts of my body are on fire but I do not combust. What Up With That? It is my favorite segment. I am watching TV. It is a Saturday Night Live with De Andre Paul: What Up With That? Oooo Weee What Up With That???

My struggles are finite, still I long to know when is this going to be over? What is amazing is that I never knew how painful and awful this cancer process gets. Why does no one, or how few woman who went through this breast cancer surgery and treatments share the story of their suffering?

Journalism is always about What, When, Where, and Why. Can I manage to ask the questions even if I will not be able to complete the answers?

Where: I am home now in Berkeley, California USA sitting up in my bed with shooting pains in the bones in my neck with the focal point at the base of my medulla oblongata. Ouch!

Today, A Person, who is listed as my only living family came over at the behest of a person who cleans for me. I have come to the understanding that I must have made some unsurmountable mistake to get so little respect. All the love I gave unconditionally is not being returned. It is more painful than the radiation redux!

Imagine that the person who works for me cares more about my comfort than my blood relative. I heard stories about this sort of occurrence but did not ever imagine that would be part of my actual life! I am so tired of being treated like a foot rag. I did try to connect and I failed, then try again but the last event at the pharmacy was so terrible that I cannot try again. Carelessness begone!

Today, my daughter came over and brought ‘food’. The containers, all but one, were things that I am not allowed to eat under any circumstances and she knows the list. It is even more crucial not to eat them in my current condition. She is highly intelligent and knows all about the what and why. My friend Pearl was here when my daughter arrived. I have a witness to the situation.

Raw onions are at the top of the list of no not ever eat. I do not eat raw onions for the ‘spiritual’ effect of the acid in onions on my nervous system. It is the same stuff that makes your eyes tear when you chop and cut one. Inside a human body, my body, your body, and all bodies, the raw onion and cooked onions cause nervous systems to get agitated.

The Indian Hindu grandmothers do not eat them. They say that eating onions excites ambient emotions in a negativity direction. Onions dilute
Integrity, honesty..and empathy for others. What separates our lives from stones and slime. It is that stones cannot care for one another or dance cheek to cheek with caring and conscious understanding of who we each are. Here is a song for this conversation. The words carry such depth of heart:

Let’s dance! Put your red shoes on. It is a choice. I choose to let the red shoes wither.

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