Rewiring the System

day 5, My Butterfly

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on October 5, 2010
Tags: , , , , , , ,

With Amy Winehouse in the background, I manage to see through the events of this day to the underlying truth. Music moves my being. I feel the waves of sound going out to the milky way. She is carrying some of the emotions and stress from my weeks since diagnosis with them. Music could create the vacuum that draws out and away feelings Like Magnesium strips explode in Oxygen. Your Sparkles ignite my container of caring, I feel settled and sweet.

I died a hundred times today. ‘I go back to life’, Amy croons. I go back Go Back Back Back! I go back to Life! I am going back to what I know is true. I can revive and survive from all that I went through…

I am in an experiment where goodness in my being washes my form because I choose to take a short timespan to focus on the longest widest time span. Right as the Pain becomes unbearable I choose to focus on the great connected heart on my path toward self knowledge. Just for a moment I see the face of love and concentrait on that spark. A wave of hurt washes that image away but I choose to know that moving to stay connected is my way out of the physical psychological trauma.

There is a person, A Real Mench, who has yet to arrive at my door. I know he will be crossing the physical threshold, yet this ‘being’ is already around me here. He is here, as though he can be here or anywhere he chooses. He is more real than the any touch. He is as a light on the path of life.

I feel so drawn to this light… yes, as the cliche of a winged moment, just out of the cocoon, drying her flutter-means of motion, lifting off to the only flight she has ever known.
Butterfly to butterfly!. Flight toward that light.

For every Kind Understanding person there are two or three who are judgmental and crewel. What is needed is a simple clear message to say to the mean ones. I have been reprimanded for sharing my actual thoughts, feelings, and pains in this blog. I suffered Verbal Violence both in person and in type. The effects of telling me that I am bad because I share my pain when it comes back remains in my nervous system long after the page is turned.

‎”I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.”.
••• Mohandas K. Gandhi

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, I promised not to use crude language or have crude thoughts but I am having an (Amy Winehouse) You Tube day today. If I ever get to scan a picture I have, hanging right here, of me in my middle 20’s you will be amazed. I look so much like Amy. To this day I have the joy and energy as I carry and I feel that torch which gives her voice such vibrato, her words mean more after traveling in and over her vocal cords…. I have in that vibrato. I have the presence of ‘it’ energy in my insides. I have chosen to be quiet for so very long. Perhaps I could not handle fame? I understand that Amy is in the news for some spin or another often. I long for someone who is able and willing to mirror my energy while enjoying me for who and how I mange to be me and not changing who I am. Who could change Amy? I am ready to take this risk of reaching out to Nature.

APPLE: Some things are really wrong with contacts in both my life and some software in my new mac. I have been to the mac store four times and they replaced the keyboard the fifth time I went. I made an appointment each time trying to get the action fixed. For the First time I went to the Mac Store I was told that the lap top was made that way! The second time the counter person at the Genus desk, not a genus or good customer service, replaced the space tab. It still sticks at least once each paragraph, but HUH!
the third or fourth time I talked to a different manager who acknowledged a problem. He replaced the keyboard so it is not as hard to get the letters to find the contact and register the font. He also told me that a separate keyboard has a better action. He was an angel since as I spend so much time typing the first keyboard had my fingers bright red and hurting. Imagine I am having so much trouble with an APPLE product! About the other posting with the string of w’s. The computer went wac!

I am going to have a bite to eat and will return to type again tonight! I had a lovely dinner at my friend Pearls home . We watched a wonderful film, The Crying Game. I am just too tired to write anymore. Know that I truly feel my sad story is the same sad story of one out of five woman in America. Ask and you will hear the trial and travel of radiation and its poisoning effect on mind and body.


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