Rewiring the System

Too Tired To Get Out Of Bed

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on October 12, 2010
Tags: , , , ,

It is incredible to be too weary to hold my head up without support. I have a doctors appointment but I just cant manage to get up and washed let alone dressed and out of the house. Oh Dear! I fell asleep sitting up trying to write in this blog.
I just cant move. I will have to write more later.
a person I know only form facebook sent me some jokes and one or two of them are very funny. I especially like the traffic stop joke. It is good to laugh!
The weariness is not just an idea but moving my fingers to type feels like climbing up hill with heavy weights.
This is the twelth day since I stopped recieving radiation and the effects hae really started to creep up on me. I have what has been called massive sunburn after shock. I am too tired to talk!
Last month I was told to do Radical Rest and today I am unable to do anything but stay horizontal and rest.

Yesterday I was told that my body is reacting as though I have had a very bad sunburn and that my body has to rest to heal!

I am able to rest because I feel the great love supporting me from afar. It is just what I need and I believe that all people need Love. Just like the Beatles song from all those years ago. All You Need Is Love. Lately in the news is John Lennon’s 70th birthday! It is beyond my imagination that the song was more than 50 years ago. The human family has made little progress either in families or groups. The nations who were fighting back then in various levels of anger and ammunition are still at it as they were. Many leaders are reasonable people who are trapped in their own history.

I do not want to be trapped in my own old story line. I want to walk into my future from this weariness and malaise less angry at myself and with less touchy knee jerk reaction to people.

Yesterday I found out that my system wide infection is due to stress. The chemistry of storing my reactions to events and building the fight surge which causes shallow breathing and other effects. Combat mode seeps into every one of my actions and thoughts. It sears with an army of atoms surrounding my emotional atmosphere. People feel the power of my strong emotions. I can be softened when I am given information that inspired trust with affection. I have lived with uncertainty since I was sent away to my first foster home at eight years old. I was afraid of being beaten by the first foster mother who kept a cat of nine tails black leather whip in the kitchen drawer. It was available as a symbol of fear. I was taught to fear reprisals for almost any word or action. I do not actually remember being beaten yet I have the recalled a time when I drank more grape juice than my allotment and felt the sting of the whip. I was in sixth grade and living at the far other end of Philadelphia. I had no friends of my own and did not know how to make new friends while living in a home where I represented a pay check for the parents. I was going to a school where I saw everything as though through a dream like veil. I was forced to live in a dream because of the extraordinary shock of not being wanted by my mother who tossed me into a state system.

I sat in the doctors office listening to her telling me that my internal anger was the primary creator along with the quality of cells due to my allowing myself to get overweight as the creator of my cancer. Anger triggers the functioning of the adrenal glands stress response to adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH). ACTH is a hormone produced in the pituitary gland that stimulates the adrenal glands to release cortisol.
It is the Cortisol which is the factor in my internal infection. I feel that knowing this is the best first step in my ability to change by facing the seed cause and pulling out the weeds.
Love is the answer!
I now feel that I must dress and no matter how weary I am I must go to the doctor and address this chemical imbalance.


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