Rewiring the System


20 Days In Reverse

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on October 20, 2010
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

My breast actually hurts today. It is especially sharp in the place where the lump was removed. I have needed morphine for the pain today.. I am able to function when I am not in terrible pain. When the drug wears off the shooting pain immediately returns.

It seems that I am no longer getting full and proper medical attention. It is so sad feeling. I do not have the energy to do the research about what is going on. I called the doctors office last week. I was told by return phone call that I would be called on Tuesday with the answers to my queries. Today is Tuesday and I was home in bed today and my phone call from the UCSF did not happen.

Duties and responsibilities — how very tedious! What the healing trajectory is and how long this will take until I am no longer weary? Not knowing seems to weigh me down and magnify the feeling of being dull and tired..

I walked in the water the other day and listened to the simular story of a woman who had 8 lymph nodes removed who is suffering the pain drain and exactly the same information witholding. I want to organized a woman’s movement to get this information, organize it in one place and publicize this by making it available to every woman who wants to know. My pool walking friend has known the cancer suffering woman suffering from a lack of information for more than 20 years. My pol walking friend is a Supervisor Nurse and even she did not know why the doctor told her friend not to take calcium. I mumbled somethings about the semi permeable membrane effect on the functioning of the individual cells. Oh well I thought, did that help her feel better about following the doctors orders?

Today I wrote an email to a person I know from the Singularity Group asking him to do some higher end research about my symptoms. This is so I can work in concert with my body to regain my stasis, balance and energy. The past few weeks I have been basically bed ridden… The nurse at the Osher Center of Integrative Medicine calles this “Radical Resting”. She is the Laughter Yoga specialist and is very nice indeed to tell me what to expect in a creative, wide vista imaginative stroke. I need information about exactly what the Secondary Infections are and all other after effects of the radiation treatments. I am mentally not clear enough to do this research myself. Isn’t this part of what Doctors are supposed to do as part of their service to the patient?

I am in the process of transcending my own limitations, so the sky’s the limit. I am Cancer Free now. Where is the sky? I am living in the illusion as delusion, operating with no information or knowledge of how to get out. I am with out the facts! I feel that for some litigious reason the doctors do not want patients to have medical information. ‘Primum non nocere’, a medical injunction to do no harm is a vow of all doctors

We are all living in danger because many doctors currently practicing medicine are not following Hippocratic Oath! The Hippocratic Oath is an oath historically taken by doctors swearing to practice medicine ethically. It is widely believed to have been written by Hippocrates, often regarded as the father of western medicine, in Ionic Greek (late 5th century BCE), or by one of his students, and is usually included in the Hippocratic Corpus.

Classical scholar Ludwig Edelstein proposed that the oath was written by Pythagoreans, a theory that has been questioned due to the lack of evidence for a school of Pythagorean medicine.

Although mostly of historic and traditional value, the oath is considered a rite of passage for practitioners of medicine in some countries, although nowadays the modernized version of the text varies among the countries.

The Hippocratic Oath (orkos) is one of the most widely known of Greek medical texts. It requires a new physician to SWEAR upon a number of healing gods that he will uphold a number of professional ethical standards.

So many suffering intelligent patients are mistreated because the doctors are practicing as prisoners of their fear of truth. They are afraid of letting people know what is going to happen. It is part of the training that keeps the person who trained to be a doctor safe from their own human emotions. Am I to surmise that Doctors must heal themselves?

The difficulty of life as a doctor, in the face of others constant patient suffering, wears away at the core values of the medical oath.

Without the details about my condition, I have no understanding of the difficulties I am facing. Tormented by a a doctor the patient becomes a wild man, then Gilgamesh came and struck the medical profession as a whole with his sword of logic and love.

I want the doctor to be my companion in addressing the dis ease and path toward balance. It seems that all the courage

I have a root metaphor and I am willing to risk all for the hope of a connection. It is the reward of facing the changes I must implement, that I do not to get unbalanced by the fight or flight stress, low levels of vitamin D3 living in the chemical bath of no loving relationships. I am going to follow my heart and listen to my need for rest. I am going to allow the loving kindness that supports my heart to flow freely with no expectation, to all the people I meet today and every day. As I drove a young man home from this evenings group dinner, he said to me, ‘Boy, you are relaxed’.

That is my loving the space I am in. It reflects my mediation breath and the ease of life with things as they really are. I have written an affirmation for myself: ‘I open my heart to myself and only let love and the light in’. I am living as best as I can the Hippocratic Oath.

This rare and wonderful thing I am experiencing is called contentment.

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