Rewiring the System


Turning On 27 Toes

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on October 27, 2010
Tags: , , , , ,

I took the day off and did not think about my problems but they kept dancing in front of my mind.  It is like wresting the medical profession and I am  Mickey Rourke. The radiologist, me thinks protests too much. I am not going to throw the baby, that is my treatments, out with the bath water, one particular doctor and the group who calls her a colleague.

I made a couple of acupuncture appointments for first thing tomorrow morning and another next week.

I feel that my medical situation is like dancing on my toes.  I have to change the meter of the story and the beat of the background music.  Eight beats to a measure times six lines to this tune and three whole notes near the end of the page gives me time to sing softly to myself as I try to hear my future song.  I watch the trajectory of the skipping notes draped on the telepathic wires strung from what was acceptable choices in my past vibrating the lines with poised potential here in Day 27.  What do i want for my future? I know that the choices I made in my past, all the years since my divorce, allowed the cancer to grow inside on my being and its form.  I got an easy wake up call. My cancer did not spread through my lymph system but the stress on my body is real and my mind in constant stress generated by outside causes must stop. I am the only one who can make the choices to change the possibility to ever go through this again.

I had such an opened heart for the new medical situation but I have been uninformed, ignored, and injured.  I have a lot to think about.  There is good in everyone but I have been labeled as  a person with a problem with drugs.  If a doctor, a lawyer, or any chief can make enough noise to get anyone to believe they are reasonable and should be believed.

I go about trying to figure out how to get better with no advice from the doctor I saw today. I got no answers to the questions I asked repeatedly. I feel that this is a tactic to wear any woman down to complete carpet compliance. That is low pile shagginess with out every having to say thank you for your patience.

I do not know what I am going to do and today I did not think about the choice. I just allowed the system to accept input then I went to walk in water.  I know that the systemic issues will continue with and without me.  The system is a victim of stopping any easy communication.

I feel I am walking in a soap opera and all the crazy people are spinning a yarn for my entertainment for me to hear but not get hooked. Yesterday a woman in the market walked off with my shopping cart removing then tucked all the things I was going to purchase behind the second depth of chips along the isle.  When I asked her about the cart and what happened to the stuff her answer was that she is 83!   I will list the crazy people another evening since I really want to go to sleep now!

I am going to take care of my externals.  I have made an appointment for a great hair cut. I have taken all my favorite winter cloths to the dry cleaners since there is a big change in the weather. I am going to sleep then I am going to have some fun…

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