Rewiring the System

V. from Peru

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on November 16, 2010
Tags: , , , , , ,

Just wanted to share the sense of sensual, that of a deeper inner understanding of what is important and how beautiful this truly is when effort is polished by the truth.

I am walking in the water after Tom left the pool area. Tom and I had been talking for almost an hour. Tomorrow he goes to find out if he will be working on the fresh crab boat. We have a lot to say to one another. It is always easy to talk and the warm honey of sweet words moved along correctly by his natural gentlemanliness comforts me during my cancer upheavals. Lately I come to find out in snips of conversation that he stepped up to drive me and take me out for a bite because he says, ‘ that my bags had bags under my eyes’. He could tell I was really sick!

I know we started talking before my surgery. I guess I had the mists of shock streaming from my shoulders. I thought that cancer was for other folks. I was upturned and spun around by the sudden medical fact. It is this truth that keeps me from falling off to sleep the past weeks. How can I heal if I do not get real rest? I have the shock post the shock! All the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome…  Though I meditate every morning and check in with my heart during the day, I still feel the fight and struggle. I believe this is because I have no network of healthy support and unconditional love. Day after day I am here basically all alone.

Diplomacy is always needed to keep my relationships on an even keel. I have to be so careful that I have stopped breathing for extended periods of time. Two different spiritual guides in two different traditions have felt my stresses’ grip on my mid-section, especially my diaphragm. The Chinese elder tells me to stop thinking and smile. He shows me a preliminary Kung Fu walking movement which he tells me is called ‘Mother Gorilla Running After Her Child’.  With my knees slightly bent I focus my muscles which are just under my belly button and glide forward swinging from left to right on my metatarsals, my whole body on the angle of the forward foot. I find myself working overtime to balance the desires of opposing forces. Left and right, rest and unrest, love and aloneness crouch about to pounce and rip my heart out while it is still beating. I need this MGRAHC to regain some rhythm toward a balance that extends my life.

Gentle assertiveness is the important way to keep the peace within my skin self. Oh, Castle Castle, on the sandy shore. be stable while keeping things moving forward. I need to be active rather than waiting for him, them, and others to act for me!  My security and comfort requires me to push away those who don’t respect my needs. The devoted Sikh, a friend of a friend, shows me where to put my palms on top of and just under my belly button so I can feel the breath going to all the right places. His advice is very relaxing and actually causes me to breath properly and deeply.

I must go to sleep now. I am reaching out into the unknown and ask for a helping hand to give me company as I teach myself to breathe.

I am walking in the water for about 45 minutes. I do not really notice the man choosing to walk in the lane up and down in a syncopated near and far un-patterned path. I am concentrating on moving my arms in toward my body as I really work not to forget to breathe or worse, just hold nothing in and everything out. The delight is that as I am getting out of the pool to shower and go home, the man in my lane gets out too. I walk over to the fountain to get a long drink. He says to me ‘Hello I am V’. I say hello back and he asks my name and reaches his hand to shake hands with me. He has a broad smile and a nice accent. From Peru, though some many years ago. Ahh, it is such a beautiful place, he continues our first conversation. I smile and feel shy and look down at the tiles.  V. walks off and the lifeguard who was watching the entire scene, says,’ this place is good for you!’


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: