Rewiring the System

Tired Decoded

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on November 24, 2010
Tags: , , , , , ,

I am too tired and heavy hearted to write much tonight. A person who, though thousands miles away, is in my Peace through Beauty group, writes me, ‘ I can’t believe that someone so nice as seem and so sensitive cannot fine someone-‘ ( I guess I am so tired that I write with all these mistakes! He meant that someone as nice as I am and so sensitive to people their struggles and delights, have not been swept up into their lives to make a real relationship!)

He wants me to move back to the east coast! I like the weather here.

I am so tired perhaps this exacerbates the seed of sadness. I can not think much but I am taking steps to turn around the bad choice I made in my health care choice and in two weeks I will return to medical sanity.

A girlfriend came over and gave me the name of a lawyer team and told me I should get an opinion about how illegal the research non patient care team was/is.

I feel so overwhelmed by all the detailes of living in this modern world. Just last night at a foody party a man told me how glad he was to be living in this here and now. And today at the MAC store the apple expert told me how gald he was to have technology.

It is a respect issue. How come I am not respected enough so that what people say to me actually becomes more than words. People tell me they love me and I should believe it but when I need them they are not there at all not available. I am left unsettled day after day. Just this afternoon a person told me that they Loved me but I cannot depend on them for anything. Not a thing. One person said they would send me a recipe almost a month ago… I promise not to hold my breath.

I wonder if as a human race we are a lonely sort? Pack animals have one another in a relationship often described and a power structure. I do not have to be better or worse than a companion. I want a conversation with an equal.  Am I feeling the same as every other bi-ped in every nation ?  I hope this is not the case because I feel really terrible tonight.  Sad! So sad that I actually feel my heart breaking. I know that I have to wait until I actually heal from my radiation treatments before I can go out and mingle. The thing that strangles my heart is the truth about people I know. People I know have not called, come over or reached out to me. The gold vein of human love is what is needed. In the last century this was called a Klondike. Oh Cupid come Klondike.


2 Responses to 'Tired Decoded'

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  1. Terriann said,

    Cupid is coming… he’ll be here any moment but sometimes a moment seems so long because of this silly space time thing. I once read in some book written by prophets that the higher your spirit, or frequency, the more lonely it becomes because of this silly little material physical world stuff. I think you must seek equal or higher frequencies because when you mix frequencies you just get reverb and interference and noise.

    Anyway, you don’t want just anybody. You want the “one”.

    Hmmm, let’s imagine. Who could he be? How many lifetimes have you known him?? Where is he now. I know. He’s looking for you.

    I knew a girl who grew up in another country and then moved here, but when she was a youth, she had a friend, and she secretly loved him. Well, he never knew. So, she moved away, and about 15 years later he found her on facebook. He was a master artist, known all over the world. He told her that he’d been in love with her since his youth, and never dedicated his life to any woman because he had been waiting for her. He told her that every day he dedicated his life to improvement so he could be worthy of her love. It was one of those things where they could feel each other, even though they were so far away. That is my wish for you… a love like that. And so be it.

    That is worth waiting for.

    So be patient. Get healthy. Tell the jackoffs at UCSF to go to hell and get better so that when he comes you will be able to fly. You have plenty of time and you will be SO happy because all this bad juju will be behind you.

    I think we all adore you but it’s hard not to get lost in all this planetary, physical life form stuff. We forget that we are spirits first.

    I read this poem about slowing down and enjoying every second. I thought of you because my carpets are stained from hard working husbands, kids, projects laid out on the floors, the occasional hot chocolate stain. I used to be embarrassed to bring in someone that I respect, to see my dirty carpets, but not anymore. I would rather have you and my dirty carpets than not have you because of my dirty carpet. I’m not ashamed of my carpet anymore because there is love in every fiber of this carpet. It resonates with kids and quadripeds and laughs and hot chocolate. But people are too focused on the carpet.

    I wish you every blessing in this infinite Universe. You will be looking back at this soon, extracting everything you’ve learned and you’ll see how it all fit together. You will be laughing at how you beat every odd, surpassed every obstacle, and still got what you wanted, with a cherry and sprinkles on top.



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