Rewiring the System


Good Daughter Day

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on December 2, 2010
Tags: , , , , , , ,

The phone rings, that is my land line rings at the same time as my mobile, waking me from that deep dark sleep that exists between dreams and infinite dark space. It is before nine. That is too early because I did not get to enough sleep last night.  I did turn out the light and pull up the soft down comforter over my shoulders until 2:30.

Can I find rest at a realistic time and in the right way? I wonder if Emily’s unemotional view from her window will reconfigure my heart and head? ‘Hope is the thing with feathers that perches on my window…’

My pillows are waiting for my neck and head. They are goose down filled as is my duvet. I am supported, covered and kept warm by the fluff and feathers. Will the feet tuck under and the wing lift and aid me?

I have been very sad. I am cannot believe I am trying to understand why I got such poor medical attention from a highly regarded institution. My daughter called the radiation oncologist on my behalf told me very little about her actual conversation with the character assignation doctor.

I do not know what was said between them last month. After that conversation I was no longer monitored. Have I written about this before? I am looking forward to getting over this and letting it go. I feel that my daughter is trying to protect me but the truth is that information is power while not telling me about the conversation robs me, steals my soul, and puts me outside of myself. It is another case of the dreaded talks about me rather than to me.

Todays call from my daughter was a communication for comfort. The shivering voice on the line was full of stories wanting to be shared. She had an even earlier in the morning medical appointment.  She was feeling some pain, I do not know if what ever happened was magnified by fear or if she was somehow mistreated by the clinic doctor. There is something important about the real original rather than what is conjecture.

My thought is about breakfast. Why, I say to her, dont you come over and lets go out for breakfast? We have the time of our life. First she curls up in my ultra comfortable bed hugging a heating pad and me in her lovely arms. Then we talk. I listen to the stories of her thoughts and decisions. She suddenly is filled with compliments. I have a morning compliment shower of affection. Apparently, all those years of standing and owning my place as the adult has paid off.

Serena and I are going to write our parenting book. I have the message and the stories of how I used my science and psychology training to come up with actions that are parallel to the size and possibility of this growing human. I always live as a curious sponge. I wanted to share what is good and beautiful about living while allowing the fledgling to test her wings as she learned to fly. It is wonderful to know in fact, she is devoted to sharing what she as discovered about this world in several really wonderful travel guides.

http://www.grassroutesguides.com

This evening I get a solid right on email about how much my daughters work is being appreciated.
Your daughter is so talented!  I just want to say congratulations because you must have been a wonderful mother!  I visited your daughters web page and found an extremely talented, well rounded person.
Much respect to you!

I had a delightfully Daughter complimentary day.  Smile…

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2 Responses to 'Good Daughter Day'

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  1. “Baidu” means “hundreds of times”, and comes from an ancient Chinese verse often cited today to refer to the continuous search for one’s dreams. My daughter is living her dreams!


  2. Ilsa:

    With all respect for your creativity and self-expression,
    I feel that you would be much better off talking weekly
    to a therapist who actually listens and can provide insight
    about your issues. Writing daily blogs to the sangha:
    who’s listening and caring and helping about your pain?

    Some years ago I founded a local Difficult Emotions
    discussion group as a form of free group therapy.
    It helped some and we’re still friends and meet periodically,
    but when I switched to a real therapist it was WAY
    more helpful. As was going on meds for the depression/
    post-traumatic embitterment syndrome. Which I was extremely
    resistant to the idea of, and now realized I was just
    being stubborn and stupid. They don’t turn you into a
    zombie, they just increase the seritonin in your synapses
    so your mental resources aren’t paralyzed.

    All best, Dan


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