Rewiring the System


Someone


Today I got a really special email. A person wrote that she is not much for reading my blog. It was not a bad message because she asked, but,’ How Are You?’

I write:  I am ok, feeling very tired I went to the dr, yesterday, who told me I have a whole system wide viral infection since I have impaired imune system and I need ‘full on’ radical bed rest.  Well, I live alone. I do not know people here in Berkeley as I did on the east coast so I am basically toast.

If i want a meal or a cup of tea I have to get it myself. when I am well that is normal but now everything is an effort.

I will live through this … I am truly tired and weary,  but thanks for asking. Your Sending me a personal note of concern is a good connection.

The truth is that many people pontificate and offer mental health advice to me. The truth is, as I have said before, that advice is three week old laundry. I do not want  Dan’s advice that I become more like what he thinks is right communication. You and I have to deceide who to take advice from. Only a wimp allows someone to put them down when they are so long suffering as I am in my Cancer situation.  I am heartened to read that there are people who actually are interested in the saga of recovery with all the dark and warty parts. I am getting better every day. Now I need rest. Rest from conflict and rest from activity. Come all you kind friends and members of this cycle of community, come and give the benifit of your company.

I find that those people who have truly allowed themselves to grow from their human suffering, offer the kindest helping hand. Often it is the person who has the least means who sends the nicest gift. I got a small sweet thing from a person who has been out of work for quite a while. I will delight in any offers of affection. I have an east coast friend who is writing to me such caring short notes. It does make me wish to have a person here closer. I send out my request for face. Tomorrow and Saturday I want to try and actually rest. Is watching tv resting? I have been told that only closing my eyes is resting. I am going to learn the ‘Resting’ aspect for true health in Life.

I might not or will not have an opportunity as I am currently having with the ability of truly seeing who people really are with, to and for me in relationship as a dance of choice, again. Cancer is the great light. It shines and exposes truth, because I have faced my imminent mortality. Living in the face of amazing odds is very real. I got a good odds on survival.  I really do have to change my life choices such as staying up all night .  I just feel so shaken. I am not set free from life and the hang up and trials.

I love to be hooked by the love sent out from the authentic woman, who simply asked, how I really am doing. Thank you every one who understands the power of shock.  In my meeting with woman who have lived through this or are living thru this cancer now I find that the recovery takes time. Today a woman told me that her brain energy did not return for a year. I am just a little less than three months. Perhaps I am striving too hard.  I do ask that each of you reach out to the person or people who you know who are having their own bought with illnesses.

I do not want to Judge people I want to have a space for people to feel the attraction of the energy that we all can share. Love someone before you go out of your way for me. Love in friendship, Direct the love of self to care fro yourself and the love will grow and leven in your heart and you can feed your heart baked love to share with the many who aare longing for a warm touch and an affectionate attitue. Attitude is the spiritual pasture. The dynomite power is the power of faith, I now have to believe the tenderness will come with me.

In giving we receive, the opened hand and the loving heart builds subtile bridges. I am told to stop being a super woman and rest. They are good words I hope that I have a chance to implement. Circumstances happen.

Today I had a terrible lympedema therapy appointment the assigned deliverer looked goog with every brilliantly clean hair in place, turned out to be unkind and  her aid to me that she delivered verbally and it was very loud.  She marginalized my swelling and level of pain. My Primary care doctor called me and asked how the treatment went. I had a chance to share my thoughts within the culture. I am resolved to move forward…… She said that my insurance will not cover any touching, no massage! She actually said that she would like a masage too!

I need a medical sabbath that I might call my rest a sabbath and delve into an angelic resting.

I have the cammand over from my teachers and my doctors to get rest. I wish for a romantic man to helpme rest and rest together in rapture. Health in this shared caring. A woman held in a mans arms they are working in raturous spiritual touch. This makes each partner better than they could be singularily. Come together!

I see myself enjoying things more,  My daughter whisked me away after my dreary sad therapy visit into The Mission between the 20th and 25th for a high business meeting for my daughters business meeting. I sat 4 blocks doen the street in front of the ‘aztec mural made of small squares of beautifully colored  stones.  Then we walked around the corner to a sliver slice of gray and crome shinning and flat making 4 inside tables and one or two possible on  the Misson street check Serena’s iPod app or the blog: Grassroutesguides.com

A stark modern  attraction of  building, which the Chef also put up the door.  Evert plate was a delicious work of art with flavors separate that come together in your mouth. Tasting plated of such grace and beauty filled with bright colorful well placed tasty real god food. It was sensational and i came home and was too tired to take my close off. I fell int bed . I checked in my jolly BUZZ friends for a little less than an hour, watched some tv

I write:  I am ok, feeling very tired I went to the dr, yesterday, who told me I have a whole system wide viral infection since I have impaired imune system and I need full on radical bed rest.  Well, I live alone. I do not know people here in Berkeley as I did on the east coast so I am basically toast.

If i want a meal or a cup of tea I have to get it myself. when I am well that is normal but now everything is an effort.
I will live through this … I am truly tired and weary, thanks for asking.
If any of you care about me please jet in touch with me.
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One Response to 'Someone'

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  1. Oh great spirit send a dear long love to share this resting intersectiion, read and cuddle and smail and talk or jus breath the shared peace to heL HIM AND ME TOGETHER, REST TOGETHER


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