Rewiring the System


“Once you have the View, although the delusory perceptions of every day generalized problems may arise in your mind, you will be like the sky; (Big Blue Pancake of shimmering clarity, then)   when a rainbow appears in front of it, it’s not particularly flattered, (boasted and) when the clouds appear it’s not particularly disappointed (or evil) either. There is a deep sense of contentment. You chuckle from inside as you see the facade of the struggle and the pleasure; the View will keep you constantly amused, with a little inner smile bubbling away all the time.”



SPACE: I make space for the Color of Life to get through.

Choice: I have easy choices today. I choose not to eat the verbal label chewed into a spit ball and tossed out of people or persons who have passed this and tossed out to me. Those who stand on their histories are hallow leaders.  Oh I know so and so and spent so many years studying he said! . The persons who tell me that my emotions are vomit!

I remember talking with a great person who as a young man was in the room when his father was shot then tossed out the second floor front window. Now as an adult he still has the tender emotion living in his cells. There is a time for speaking from your emotions and a time for speaking from the clarity of being in the present moment.

I have respect for balance. There is a time for looking at stories in the sunlight and a time for looking at life’s feelings  about the pictures and the respective stories under the lamp light. There is a time of community and a time for individual introspection. My communication about my struggle to maintain purpose in the face of radiation poisoning is hard work.

At times I feel so very sad because I am drained of the energy I was accustomed to having just four or five months ago. Today in the hall of my apartment building I met a woman who talked with me at the very beginning when I was first diagnosed before the surgery and ensuing treatments. Today Joan told me not to put myself down because I feel so weary and sad.

There are people who accuse me in the most stern manner. I have been told that speaking my struggle is neurotic! That may or may not be true. In either case the real truth is what I am feeling and talking with the readers of this space is both an exposure of my pain and a connection to all the hurt places in all of us. The good Quest is the path toward self knowledge and all the sweet , oily , sad , salty, and bitter aspects of living.

One person told me that I did not respect her because I spoke out of the sad injured exposed emotional effulgent that flows when life turns up the heat.  I may have lost a person who up until last week called herself my friend!

I have the wider view where I am part of the both the calm and discordant flow of time and action.

Today was so different than yesterday. Today a technology angel opened the door to understanding how to organize my project. He did this with great ease and grace. Every question and each problem was understood and answered in lightening time. I am so happy. I choose to spend time with in the human heart of kindness.

Today a brilliant woman came to my home and transcribed one of the hundreds of interesting stories about people, one or another person, who have in many ways on many levels, given me so much.

The man who called me to ask me if I would drive him on errands introduced me to several high placed people who have energised my heart toward understanding the broad swatch of information needed for a life of service.

My program is proceeding though I am struggling to make a well formed sentence. I tell my stories in the hopes that my climbing out of my pain be a light along the struggles of emotional vomit one or two have so labeled.  I see the comments as a clarity about spiritual fantasy that so many in organized religions profess as a leap of faith. It is this rigidly that gives the world the illusion that some people are royalty and others by fact of birth are less valuable to the human fabric of pulsing life.

Only by our own understanding of our own individual selves with all the warts and wobbles. I need to feel my moral integrity and grow to think with my emotions out of a thinking heart. I am a lover of the moral path. Function as individuals and work together as a group. Some day people I know and so many I have yet to meet will be ready to have the internal peace sufficiently to bring peace  as a plasma flow into all their thoughts, emotions, words and actions. Love is all there is.





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