Rewiring the System


A New Beginning

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on May 5, 2011
Tags: , , , , ,

My heart seems broken the cells have an internal weariness. I have been left without support or Love. Radiation has made me more primitive. One out of five woman who get radiation after breast cancer surgery have a series of symptoms that are tiring, weary, crumpled thinking and general all over slowness. They are under the title of ”Cancer Fatigue”. Last week I attended a day long conference by that title: Cancer Fatigue. You can go on line on UCSF and search for the list of symptoms. Pom Poms for the coming cheerleaders who will rally the many who have no voice but all the difficulties and have no one to tell and be really heard and understood as well as cared for. What a medical mess.

Basically no one seems to care. Since I do not have a large rallying circle I am left to fend for mysef. I look back and strike a rubberband to flip me forword into the sunny health I had before my surgery.

I met a wonderful woman at a science event on the migration of certain spiders across the pacific from all three factors, wind, water, and footprint. It turns out that her cancer gave her more than a year of weariness. She told me she never asked questions or wanted to work in concert with the medical teams. She layed around being a Zombi for more than a year. Her story tugs at my heart. My stroy feels like a prison. I want to regain all my health and put the cellular pain behind me. Yet if this scientist had to go through more than a year after her last treatment??? I believe that I can step forward with the help of a lovingly offered helping hand.

Sleep more than 9 hours last night yet I am going through the day in so dysfunctional saunter no prance.. Stories impinge on my sleep tonight.

Back to sleep Perhaps to dream of taking my dream trip to the Bayou. The calm moist atmosphere and the general Bonne Amie.

It is a surpris that the cancer center at the large local hospital chain where I am currently a patient, has a head oncology nurse who has never heard of Cancer Fatigue. She had a big ‘Oh Yea Dumbell, you are wrong attitude and timber in her voice. My cells are radiated to the point of internal wig wag slish slosh and it seems that professional researchers know immediately what I mean and feel, yet the medical doctors remain in the conservative past shunning up to date research, they who are behaving as extras for the  ‘Scrubs’ show. It is true that all doctors have a part of Dr. ‘HOUSE’ inside of them, to make medicine tick, but the real every day life of all doctors are the interactions reactions and life humor connected choices to dance in the halls while appearing to be working but in fact are just marking time.

I do not have a doctor that I can talk with who respects me as a person who wants to get well.
The day is innocent, and you are innocent. There is no nasty weather. Relax and open up to the sun in your heart.

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