Rewiring the System


Too Small To Breed

Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on October 6, 2011
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Karen was the only person I saw on my neighborhood walk today. I choose to meander around the un-trafficked thoroughfares in an all out effort to avoid cars and people. In walking this way I can combine exercise and relaxation response breathing. There are virtually no cars traveling  on the short residential streets. My neighborhood has tree canopied streets that have been blocked off to car traffic with big ‘No Outlet’ signs. It is a wonderful walk way surrounded by beauty and quiet graceful gardens. Writing about sending out Magnetizing Thought about a too small to breed Maltese making her or his way to my heart! This makes me smile from every cell in my core. I am bold enough to allow myself to feel the Love.

Karen lived along the continuing perpendicular down the street and around the corner. She took easy long strides with a prancing 10 pound, perfectly groomed cotton fluff Bechon moving with her every step. The look was divinity in motion. I felt like a magic feather fluttered from a wand touched my emotional seed place. I saw the Lovlie dog and remembered the secret in my heart.

I day-dream a very small Maltese doggie about 4 or 5 pounds of long white hair. It is not a new idea. It is a long time held cuddly desire. From the time I first met this breed, I was smitten.  I have long loved this particular breed. All my life I have had to Compromise with others. This caused me to not ever talk about my heart dream. No, I only share this as a step taken in a process of loving myself enough I am able to sit here with joy and wonder as I wait for The Powerful Thought Image, this perfect Male of Female ‘Lovlie ‘doggie, who is herself searching for a creative pampered lap to call her home.

I have so much Love to share! When I get back for my travels close to Thanks Giving or Christmas will be soon enough. Until then I am collecting some little parts of the preparatory effort to get ready for the Party. I am hoping for a breeder who had a litter with one who is too small to breed. This small dog was kept with the breeding family as a pampered pet. Being loved it was well trained with a sweet disposition.  This is what I intend to actualize the ideas after Life Hit Me With A Big Brick!

I start my walk at the front door of my building and down the wide perpendicular venue. I am determined to get moving and get my circulation up and pumping. It is a cool day and perfect for a little exertion. Making sure that every step started with clear contact of my heel to the concrete. I have not been feeling very well after the year long shock of cancer and my difficulty of getting an helping had both in my private life and un-attentiveness from the medical professionals. I need to write out a stand up comedy show to share the lack of attention comments. My absolutely favorite comment happened last week. I waited more than a month to see the particular doctor to approve medication and therapies. I got to the office and she was dealing with 2 volital very loud and vocal patients. I had to wait in the waiting section with the people who are complaining and gnashing teeth. Almost an hour past the time of my assigned Doctor meeting she came out to usher me into her office. She continued to stand as I took a seat as she spoke. “I am sorry I Forgot about you, I do not have your papers on my desk and I did not make any of the referrals, connections or calls I said I would do for your healing benefit.’

She is the 5th in a row of un Hippocratic Oath or just plain weird medical attention I was given at the Oakland Medical Center…

I have made an appointment at a different medical center in the City. It will mean that I will need to travel for an hour and across the bridge  instead of 12 minutes, to the place just down the Avenue. But the quality of attention is unacceptable here in Oakland.

Last week I started to figure out how to handle my historical baggage from the various steps, strings. and baggage that in an unhealthy way of living and thinking I got as sick as I had become. The chemical interactions from the powerless to change the stress and street fight quality of language and actions. It is No Longer True.

I have labeled my childhood and I see the tentacles that prison myself in the past. I am taking a nice step forward into the life I have earned. I am looking forward to the Knock on my Apartment Door. That strong caring arms will extend the doggie we talked about.

I will have really sweet dreams tonight… There are beautiful creative pictures that show mental habits: So many people have a Learned Helplessness… If I can Label it I can heal and overcome it! And toward the end of this growth I will find the dog delivered. Big Soft Smile…

The Big Bad Brick That HIT ME Hard materialized as chemical reactions from Emotional and life style choices. I am ready to wrestle the loose ends into a useable creative braid. It is with kind words from a strong brilliant man, who many know me well enough to car though we have yet to sit across one another and drink tea.  Below are some technical things I need to change before I leave my body. I want to leave and live with the fact that I am going to die. Live each day as though I could die today. I do not want to waste my time by living other peoples lives. Courage to follow my voice and vision and stay foolish. As an introduction, I tell people I am a curious 10 year old in a grwn up looking body!

Physiological and neurological processes

Pietà” by El Greco, 1571-1576. Philadelphia Museum of Art

fMRI scans of women from whom grief was elicited about the death of a mother or a sister in the past 5 years found it produced a local inflammation response as measured by salivary concentrations of pro-inflammatory cytokines. These were correlated with activation in the anterior cingulate cortex andorbitofrontal cortex. This activation also correlated with free recall of grief-related word stimuli. This suggests that grief can cause stress, and that this is linked to the emotional processing parts of the frontal lobe.[11]

Among those bereaved within the last three months, those who report many intrusive thoughts about the deceased show ventralamygdala and rostral anterior cingulate cortexhyperactivity to reminders of their loss. In the case of the amygdala, this links to their sadness intensity. In those who avoid such thoughts, there is a related opposite type of pattern in which there is a decrease in the activation of the dorsal amgydala and the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex.

In those not so emotionally affected by reminders of their loss, fMRI finds the existence of a high functional connectivity between the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and amygdala activity, suggesting the former regulates activity in the latter. In those who had greater intensity of sadness, there was a low functional connection between the rostal anterior cingulate cortex and amygdala activity, suggesting a lack of regulation of the former part of the brain upon the latter.[12]

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