Rewiring the System

I Can Tell When Truth Happens…

I Can Tell When Truth Happens: Yet, I have been tossed down a horrible path. There is my tender heart lives believing what people say to be true. I actually am in shock because I have experienced the  no-shows to appointments broken at the very last minute.

The trouncing of my soul solution since the Xmas Holidays is attacking my unconscious mind. Yesterday I get the medical attention from a prominate doctor who examines my body also asking me many questions. She concludes that I am in deep trauma/shock.

I feel I am part of a shared illusion. The doctors want to nudge me to let out how I feel about the trauma stacked inside my heart and internal organs.  I have felt the arrows prick from the Yes/No more intensely and more dramatically from family and friends form the last several months. I am now working at catching myself in this slippery spiral.

The marvels of life is all spread out before me. All that I can learn from my extraordinary everyday activities in relation to others in a world of people. How do I react? It seems that lately I am making plans with horse blinders narrowing my view. Do people afford me information with any regularity that will bring me my goal? I no longer recognize situations for what they really are.

How happy am I in real time in this here and now? This has finally backed up into my real health problem. What prevented me from immediately acting when I was marginalized or strung along with the rug pulled out from under me and un-promised more towards the dark side of untruth I have been reckless in trust. I believe in love. This is Insanity!

I can see that these are difficult times for every strata of society.  People are struggling. I know really smart people who are unable to deal with the Life Cards they currently have in their hands. The sadness in my heart because of the incredibly intertwined lives lost. I am feeling vulnerable to the emotions of the people I speek with.

I have the real purpose to let my demons out … I am learning to feel sad and to connect with the tears. It is real luck to have professional medical doctors tell you not to judge the fact that I am crying at many unexpected times. Sheer timing is rapture unbalanced, everything else is a nightmare. You have to ask: What is my emotional range? How much of the bad parts of every relationship and every situation. I guess I have to make a list of the non negotiable, the things I must never deny.

It is quite annoying not to shout about all the pain I see in the eyes as mirrors of their souls. The only way to deal with all this pain is to share the stories with one another. Last night a woman who live hundreds of miles away sent me a message to call her and talk. I allowed myself to accept her hand and today I actually feel the difference that conversation made. Today I stopped at a tiny drive through burger stall and watched the pain in the mother and daughter having at the table across the aisle. They said something to me and we chatted which gave me the opportunity to look truly and deeply in their eyes. It is the most meaningful we as beings with opposing thumbs can do with one another. Look deeply in another persons eyes is an act of tender courage. They allowed me to see into the struggles and search. I was able to focus Love toward their being with a smile in the mixing of our true sight into one another.

I have had a smile on in the face of diversity for many years. I am fortunate to not be burdened by not having what I do not have. It is time to usher in the bandages to clean my wounds to permit the reversal. Now, It Is About Time For Reaching Out To One Another. How easy to simply allow love to flow from and between one another.

Just for today I am going to take one minute to breath. Just for today I am going to practice relaxing both nerves and muscles. Just for today I am going to wish well to the people who have hurt me deeply. Just for today I am not going to judge myself for feeling weary and sad so I can allow my tears to flow freely. Just for today I am going to believe that this will not last for longer than I need to heal. I am going to allow the unseen holy serenity to surround me and invade every cell of my being. I wish with such intensity that the air of all that is refined and good to lift the hearts of the many who have lost someone they love.

The real essence of life is caring about one another. This is the Truth that happens.



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