Rewiring the System

An Open-Ended Sadness!

An open-ended sadness!   She says she is not sure I meant.. It is my turn to say that a touch of reticence might be nice.

Age ten is a mirror and the secondary spiral in the life cycle of each person on earth. You have no doubt heard that humans get all new cells every seven years, so that places are returned to for review both in the molecular and cell level creating bodies anew and the emotional psychological feeling and thought level. For me feeling out of the cosmic communication loop at three was replicated   the sumer before I turned ten.

After the family was all asleep, way after midnight, I would step out the back door and down the alley and go for a walk. Sometimes I would walk into the city and sometimes down to the Delaware River. I took the walk from South Phila to the Rittenhouse Square in the early late evening around 10:00 so I would arrive at the clubs in the Locust Street area before eleven. It was about three and a half miles  at a fast clip in the cool late spring or early summer evening air. I got to look at the deep indigo sky. All those years ago there was not the electric blanking of the blinking twinkling stars. I became a good friend of Cassiopeia and Orion in their dance around the elliptic. I seemed to remember my close  heart felt association with Sirius , as though I lived there in the recent past.  I missed my natural home on Sirius!  I would walk along the quiet safe streets looking up!

Sirius appeared bright to me because of both its intrinsic white luminosity and its proximity to me walking on Earth.  (At a distance of 2.6 parsecs  (8.6 ly), as measured in modern times by the Hipparcos astrometry satellite, the Sirius system is one of Earth’snear neighbors; for Northern-hemisphere observers between 30 degrees and 73 degrees of latitude (including almost all of Europe and North America), it is the closest star (after the Sun) that can be seen with a naked eye. ~ Wikipedia)


Hieroglyph of

The walk to the river was longer from Snyder Avenue down to the docks and along the waterfront until I got to Walnut Street then up to Twenty-first Street and the park. I would meet some beatnik friends and have a beer at the deli on Spruce Street and then walk home. That deli is still there! Ahh the life of a nine year old who looked like she was over 16..  My love for black cloths started in this circle of poetry friends. Here  was a gathering of non judgmental creative intelligent people who had an endless curiosity and gee whizz delight in life itself.

Fast forward for just a leap and jump to today.  This afternoon, a woman came out of a side door at my physical therapists while I was making a return apointment and she said in a loud rushed sonic timber, something about the elevator and I literally jumped an inch in the air. Much to my surprise, my coffee jumped too and there was a round tablespoon of the dark brown liquid ten inches from my feet. Then my face turned bright red. So since my illness I am scared stiff and jumpie in my own skin.


I guess this comes across as a sort of self-protection. The lovely woman who makes appointments said how nice I looked with bright red cheeks. I guess that was the nicest thing she could say to my bodily reaction to a ‘not so special’ background noise. I am sick with the infection of  a life history of bickering, quarreling, and associative generalized global greed.



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