Rewiring the System


Conviction


If a thought grows out of the workings of the brain,  then a Conviction is the guidance that grows out of the Heart. Integrity is a conviction of self esteem working with in a family and out to a community and our Globe, this blue pearl.

It is not a clever argument, a conviction is a firm belief.  I believe that most often it is not verbally sharing a belief but the very living integrity that moves others into action. As a parent I had first hand proof that it was the way I moved, spoke, treated others, and lived my every day life that was the great teacher. It is my actions that I impressed on those under my care how to behave both in times of joy and those many times of struggle.

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Just a few days ago while I was leaving an appointment I was told that she was glad I talked with her since I always leave her with a smile on her face! That could be none other than the conviction of joy in my heart that rounds out the sounds my words try to convey.

Conviction is a seed for understanding the infinite amount of time and energy each of us have to complete the thought, contained in a word and that string of words that brings people close to one another. The evidence is in the action that always speaks louder than words, thought without words we would all be miming with painted faces and stripped leggings.

I remember with great fondness the time I drove my dearest teacher and monks around on their errands. I would sometimes have a group of monks in my car on the way to the grocery store. There were times when visiting monks came to see my teacher and I was asked to take them window shopping. Most often they wanted to go to the poor part of town and look around in the thrift stores in that community. My teacher liked to go to great malls in various towns around where he lived.  People who view their lives as Spending Time, learn by watching the way true meditating servants of the common good live, is a great adventure and gift in itself. This also taught me to watch how people mirror my behavior.

There were no words shared but the conviction that was taught, is to always want to see every part of the world with no fear.  I walked with conviction born out of inner integrity where few choose to shop.

In fact, one day, long ago I was in such a very thrifty thrift store with three or four travelers when I found a big packing box of High Loft European Goose Down ‘Famous Label’ with the embossed coat of arms,  (Ralph Lauren), king size pillows for fifteen dollars each! What a great surprise. The next day I went to Bloomingdales and found the regular size of this same pillow for three hundred dollars each! I guess it was not being afraid to window shop deep within the wrong side of the tracks! Probably these pillows were not sold earlier because the usual clients did not know what they were or their exorbitant usual cost.

The conviction in my heart is: we are all worthy people! No matter how much stuff we have or how much it cost.

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Trauma


Something is tearing at my tender heart, it is a condition of life. I am reading a new book, Trauma, by the noted author Mark Epstein.IMG_20130827_210128

 

I warn you all that the font used is very small so you have to hold the book differently and really concentrate on reading. This book is helping me see as I struggle to move forward. I went to his book tour a few days ago. It was a real insight from a psychological view. His talk was very practical.  Mark spoke from his experiences of eating mindfully as a simple act of not putting more food into your mouth until you have completely finished chewing and swallowing the first bite. My taste buds are singing as they send the good impulses to my brain which then tells my mind/body that good food is fuel for delight.

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Then there is the physical brain, amygdala, over active that is the touchy function of our body mind system. This is the sentnal communicator of stress. One step at a time to turn your attention to the impulses is to turn toward Kindness; Be Kind to yourself.

Ask yourself, what does being kind to myself look like at this intersection. Find what will let you feel you are being Kind To Yourself and Do That Action. Being Kind to yourself is a source of awakening. Kindness is a light on this place you and I are going through, today in the here and now

Our understanding that living with and through a Trauma is NOT Fun. This is a source of connection that allows us, you and I, to care about each other and send our caring support out to all our friends and family.

Last night I painted my toenails. I have not done this in months. I just want to tip toe today with a small caring sparkle.

Emotions are as real as a table, sometimes hard and heavy, “without the hurt the heart is hollow”.

Hug This Emotion!


Yea, Reach out and hug my thoughts as I unload them on to this space.
I am wondering about the levels of our shared imagined material world… Material, If everything is material how can I live in the flow of particles which demand that I am kind to myself?
So I understand the things I can see, touch, and hug. I believe in the world of thought since childhood. I had a drawing of a bit of space with wings and the heading: Thoughts Have Wings. I know that emotions are as real as my toes even though I cannot reach out and grab an emotion.
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Mother Of The World
I know that the thoughts I have as I go through life, as I drive in traffic, as I dance down the aisles of my well stocked grocery store move my body, mind and heart. I can feel the pitter patter when I see a dear friend approach. I shrink from confrontation with bilious sorts. The function of my senses bind me to the solid forms. I am ready to step into the energy which is magnetized by the action of where I choose to place my thoughts.
I had a great insight when His Holiness The Dalai Lama informed the world that Kindness is his religion. He shouted this into every media site in an effort to wake people up to the definition of Kindness. All kindness starts with Kindness To Yourself. Otherwise, unless you have a direct actual internal experience in your own life you have no real experience. All truth is truth that you have lived. That is the way you can know ‘stuff’.
People fool themselves that they understand grace, goodness, and kindness, all the time. You can tell who is actually knowledgable and who is putting on the airs by their behavior in words and actions. Truth is Love In Action, playing out on the breeze that is the breath of our Mother Nature.
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Our Lady of Kibeho

Crystal clear sweet sharp clarity in taste and poise, touch and scent, in beauty for all eyes to see.

 

I left New York and the east coast of America for the weather and unanimity of the bay area but I do not long for my past as a ‘home’. In fact I went back for several weeks last year for my birthday. I saw all my dearest best friends and retraced the steps that helped build the person who has this life I now live. I noticed that I am traveling at an inner pace which is different than the outer wave length lived in those seasons that now will always be my past.

 

I am home in my heart and at peace as I strive to see the energy in its more refined layers of My Material World! Accomplishing everything everywhere without exception!

In Bayard Rustin’s Back Pocket


A. Philip Randolph and Bayard Rustin:  Band together! The two men worked to bring civil disobedience, non violent assembly, and public intellectualism, the public intellectual discourse against the halls of Power. From his father, Randolph learned that color was less important than a person’s characterand conduct. From his mother, he learned the importance of education and of defending oneself physically against those who would seek to hurt one or one’s family, if necessary. Randolph remembered vividly the night his mother sat in the front room of their house with a loaded shotgun across her lap, while his father tucked a pistol under his coat and went off to prevent a mob from lynching a man at the local county jail.

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Can you find any people rising up to become leaders with such strong intuition and usefulness to humanity, as a whole society, in our current time of Tyranny as Mr. Rustin and Mr. Randolph?

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Have we started to move into Protest and take a stand  to pressure Politics. The most extreme elements of those, drunk on power, are working hard against the belief that we are all members of One Global Family.

What is the chance that those of us who stand for our American Constitutional Right To Privacy? Personal right to a private life and private communication, which is a building block of real democracy must find a leader as Bayard Rustin was.

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Goodness is normal, caring about other people is right, and the natural normal aspect of our evolution, to walking upright on two feet: bipededness

Is there any one reading this who is completely against and ready to stand up against the kind of Big Government that passes laws which currently condone mass surveillance, penalize both legitimate protest and dissent, using the News Media they own, issuing a flood of bad press against all organizing including the Occupy Movement platforms?

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The ability of people to move into the landscape of life by moving into the the light, the light in the world and there is a light at the end of the tunnel is essential for life itself. I am ready to make this assent. I believe that now is the time to gather together and walk peacefully together functioning and acting as the Heart of Our Country.

The Grover Norqust Gang is actively working to suppress and ignore our Constitutional checks and balances. Not one of the American citizens voted or elected this man. His group are funded and backed by big corporations in concert with wrong military minds, and bought politicians intervening world wide. Grover Norquist orchestrated the Iran/Contra, by funding Oliver North! Norquist has designed programs which have taken over our Congress.

Where is Thomas Paine? He emigrated to the British American colonies in 1774 with the help of Benjamin Franklin! Where is a man with the character and cash of the likes of Benjamin Franklin NOW?  Paine had the good fortune and timing to arrive in time to participate in the American Revolution. His contribution was the powerful, widely read pamphlet Common Sense (1776), the all-time best-selling American book that advocated colonial America’s independence.

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Where are the powerful intelligent peacemakers hiding? I hope to, by this post, to draw out men to serve simply and simply serve.  In the way Rustin served as an unidentified member of the American Friends Service Committee‘s task force to write “Speak Truth to Power: A Quaker Search for an Alternative to Violence,” published in 1955. This was one of the most influential and widely commented upon pacifist essays in the United States. Rustin was a member of the New York City Fifteenth Street Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers).  He traveled widely in service to peace.Can we look to the Quaker’s for resistance and leadership?

 

 

FREE FOOD Saturday


How to change a neighborhood, a community , a town, city. county, state country and the globe? So many organizations really try to bring people together to get to know one another and form bonds that can actualize friendships and community caring. Our world is so segregated. How many of my neighbors do I know well enough so that when I am in need of a friendly hand or conversation can I call? People here are so isolated by fears and separations  I do not have cable or this or that digital whatever which is not real and imagined. So that people have trained themselves to be uncomfortable with their neighbors.
How can we as a society turn around the downward cycle if we are not standing together with those people who live in our proximity? Saturday around 6:30 two men, roommates, started with one pot of chille a few months ago. They did not even have a ladle. Their original sign was barely readable… Now there is a party and the neighbors bring out a covered dish which is now a gourmet feast. Love One Another! He IS creating friendships of caring through sharing food and breaking bread over conversation.
I was driving by after a strenuous day where I felt I had no power of input. I was a little marble in someone else’s game of life. It was physically and emotionally draining. Since I drive the local speed limit my peripheral vision caught the light orange sign: FREE FOOD.
It was on a nice corner across from a shop, that served as an external office, where I often got a coffee. I pulled around the corner and parked my car to take a look at what was going on and what was offered. There was a joyous group of smiling faces and a wow spread of soup to salad. I intend to cook up something delicious and bring it down next saturday so I can have a second conversation with this group of wonderful neighbors. One man brought his classical guitar!  I had the time of my life in such simplicity with such opened hearted grace in the true tradition of caring. No Baggage and nothing needed except to bring you actual real self to this great party of life.Feed those who cannot afford a whole meal by bringing what you can and together we become what we can never become alone.
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Naive Peace


Naive

It looks like I mistook Beef Stew for Prime Rib, yet again.  Am I the only woman that has this loop action and reaction to social life with people? I am struggling to see the boundaries between the Layers of thought.

What is the Undercurrent of ‘a thought’?

Who is this person who is trying to find a mind body space to slip into for clarity of consciousness? How can I turn on the inner light, direct my mind, and find in that space an insight or knowledge of Peace?  I want to know the meaning of peace as an integral part of all life. When will I start recognizing a pattern?  What is the texture and size of the meat in the beef stew? My teeth now the difference as they sink into a bite of rare prime rib.

How do I manage to starve the desire that allows me to settle for the Beef Stew rather than wait until I recognize the nice juicy steak?  Action is what is needed to starve the ‘seed’ thought at the root. I feel like I am on fire!  I must Stop, Drop, and Roll to change the programming information to my amygdalae. It is this emotional learning, with an aspect of fear conditioning, that resonates, causing stimulation of adverse memories that predict the long term signaling of this little almond shaped part of our human brain.

In Terms Of Value, This Almond Is Exceptional

In Terms Of Value, This Almond Is Exceptional

The present moment, the scene that is going on right now, is what must be realized, with an emphasis “on being here now”.

I am reaching toward the Gnostic rather than the dense personal identifier. So how realized can we be?

This moment could snap a complete realization in both the direction of particles and the music of Nature.  I am listening to the Music of the Spheres.

Be Here Now. Here is another practical aspect of Mindfulness or attention to the Gap moment between the seed or root of thought and the brain. The value is being able to  register that particular thought.

Like all of the steps you make when purchasing an airplane ticket.

Think about what you really want. Imagine that week after week as this dance with one another.

Peace: A Facet of Fairy Tales


Peace

The stories of fiction and non-fiction are not so far apart. Those Myths and Fairy Tales we all seem to have grown up on spread out a bridge of many colors as a path on which to trod forward. Are they purely fiction?

I have been listening to a running conversation within the AI community about the important meaningful stories of each individual. The inclusion into the Singularity of the life stories of all people on earth has had the spotlight shinning on one sector project. It is not the intellect or the ego driven complications, which are essential to the coming evolution of intelligent machines. The value is in the everyday goodness. Ray Kurzweil’s father was a wonderful musician and conductor. His life was of great value though he is not internationally known as a conductor. He is deeply loved by his son, who has collected every scrap of paper and every tangible item, music and more with all the pictures in one place. All this information about the life of this one man is to be a template that will be used to ‘upload’ all the stories of all the people on our Mother Earth.

The physicist, Richard Feynman, Nobel Laureate, saw stories in the clouds. He did not talk much about what he was looking for as he flew into the clouds day after day. Then when he was invited to give a series of lectures at Harvard, he told his story in language that was understood by almost everyone. His was a fiction about non-fiction!

There is wonderful value to the every day.

My story about Peace starts in 1971 when I was invited to the Peace Bell Ringing at the United Nations in NYC. I had no idea what a remarkable event is was going to be when I got up that morning and traveled into The City. One of Jean Huston’s Mystery School students was going to ring the Peace Bell. A group of us who were doing monthly live readings of Aescalope’s in the building where John Lennon family lived went together. More soon

Any Minute Mindfulness


I am standing in the glistening azure water at the Lions Pool in a park in Oakland California. I have escaped from a family farces of verbal abuse that felt like a energy vampire had sucked all the joy out of my being.  Now I was standing in the water saying to my self over and over, ‘I Am Here Now.’ It felt like heavy lifting. Just saying the words of this mindful sentence was like dragging an entire building of historical emotions into the proper receptacle. That was then and this is now.  I was not going to get lost again. I had to tell myself that what had happened was not happening now. I struggled to take the time to look around at my surroundings and get my balance. I was working on being Mindful. At any minute now, I was mindful.

This is such a good thing!  That the word Mindfulness has entered the main stream vocabulary. It is a sign the masses have a notion that they have a brain service station.  At last I have some glimmer of understanding that my mind has some directing process in life.

Like driving in the evening, the headlights on a car serve to show us the path ahead. The actual understanding that our mind can function in this way to help us see where we are, and what is ahead, is a wonderful step. This is the first step for peacefulness. This works from the inside out for both the individual and global life.

This is True: Being A Good Person

This is True: Being A Good Person

Using the word, Mindfulness, in work places and in schools is a sign that populations are becoming aware of the existence of a mind. It shows there is an interest and hunger to become familiar with the concept of mind.  What is this aspect of my being and what does it actually do? The inner thoughts and tools are very ancient. You can search the concept and how it developed in India.

HHDL gave a teaching this year which you can take time to watch:

http://dalailama.com/webcasts/post/288-opening-the-eye-of-the-new-awareness

It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.
~ Audre Lorde

For this, (Mindfulness), we have to forget things like “I should be mindful of this or that”. If you are mindful, you are already creating a separation (“I – am – mindful – of – ….”). Don’t be mindful, please! When you walk, just walk. Let the walk walk. Let the talk talk. Let the eating eat, the sitting sit, the work work. Let sleep sleep

Hurry up, at any minute I will be mindful!

Looks Like An EKG


The other day a wonderful friend came over just to touch base and catch up. It is so nice in what has become a societal norm of digital communication to have actual face time together. Research in Face Time is proving to be an important constituent for human health. I get to experience actual “I Like You” that brings the sunshine into my home and heart. It is a shared tenderness.

He came over to also tell me about a position he will be starting in a few days or a week. And I am delighted for him since this is something I truly wanted to enact three years ago. I get to see how an idea when placed at a certain intersection takes time to blossom. The real truth is knowing how to place the idea and just who to communicate with and what is the right time.

My friend is going to do a great service which will change the way the first group will think and feel. This seed will move out to touch the others through the contacts the beginners have in their world.

Mindfulness is such a buzz work that the idea of MIND and what that is gets lost in a path of attention. I have seen this in meditation training where hungry seekers are told to just sit still in funny positions and eventually the pain will subside. Is this the path to the inner world, REALLY?

Embarking on a Mindfulness path has to begin with some sense of this ‘mind’ to use in the practice.  The Mind is a function of our human nervous system. It is the Thought Producing Pump. Take a look at an EKG. It shows various waves. It is the brain function in the same way that Blood pressure is the Heart function.

My brain pumps out 85 thoughts per second. Many of these thoughts are living communication from various parts of the body back to the brain. I am not consciously aware of all that is going on along my skin, but my brain is because of the communications system that is a traveling thought. Men have more sexual related thoughts every second than woman.

When I was invited to take a Citizens Police Academy 14 week class I learned that the police know that some men get aroused when a breeze moves their clothing. It is a part of this Mind Pumping thought producing that causes so many people to move into action with out giving it a thought. No real reason for doing or saying other than the urge pushed by uncontrolled thoughts.

The start and turn toward being mindful is grace. Your self respect is vital. Primarily, to take a time to look at and get to know what is going on in your mind. Before you try and struggle to control your thoughts about this and that, take time to actually look at the thoughts being generated. Sit and listen to your own scattered thoughts. Watch Your Mind. Close your eyes and see into the vast countryside of your mind as the thought butterfly flutters from this to that possibility.

Then you will be able to CHOOSE where to place your attention. You will not be struggling to stifle the process. Your mind and body will be moving together in the garden of delightful choices. You will choose to see the sun in your heart as a vast and calm moment of the true and real present. You will feel your body in your pants sitting on the chair. Since there is no struggle with any history or any desires for a goal in some imagined future, you will be in this present moment.

I look forward to continuing this conversation with all of you. Please write back with any questions or problems.

Tuesday In California


Hey, It’s a Tuesday after the long holiday weekend. It is time to get back into the grind! After all the avoidance, all the convivial gatherings, it is now time to take care of details and doctors. I went off to my appointments with a general gladness. Here I am, at this time and place, where I am able to care for my body injured which was injured from that bad fall way back at the beginning of this year.

The uneven ‘art’ construction by the builder, on what is city sidewalks, surprised me.  (https://maps.google.com/maps?q=Minna+Street,+San+Francisco,+CA,+United+States&hl=en&ll=37.788005,-122.3988&spn=0.005664,0.008497&sll=37.857507,-95.712891&sspn=45.803434,69.609375&oq=minna+street&hnear=Minna+St,+San+Francisco,+California&t=m&z=17&layer=c&cbll=37.788201,-122.398543&panoid=4fVDYkSs_AH-fE4dX7n7wQ&cbp=12,307.64,,0,0)

Even though I am sure footed from years of running cross country with a running club, the paving surprised me. Cross country running in Nature connects the soles of my feet with the balance hairs inside my ear structure. All runners know what I am talking about even if they have not looked up the inner ear or the name of its parts. “Stereocilia are the mechanosensing organelles of hair cells, which respond to fluid motion for various functions, including hearing and balance.” (* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereocilia_%28inner_ear%29)

Going to the doctors offices at the University Hospital San Francisco, I get a clear picture of our human condition; that people get sick or injured every hour of every day. People lose balance in such a variety of ways which science seeks to address in an unending cycle of science and magic. I settle into my issues as I try to actually get in contact with and feel in an authentic way. I ask myself, what exactly is the octave of pain that is here and there, right now, held inside my skin. What do I feel? How can I understand the pain I am having as the expression of my human experience rather than as a monster attacking me?

I am returning home, from the City, where I had an early morning meeting with a truly kindest and most insightful doctor in my group. I have a lot to think about in preparation for an important visit with a new doctor in two days. Nonetheless, I remain interested in my fellow humans since we all share a plight of facts and fancies, pains and aches, joy and sorrow. Just after lunch I have yet another dose of the culture of Californians.

California people are a well documented class all into themselves. People talk about New Yorkers in a certain way, but real New Yorkers are kind to one another. There is a way of talking which is regional which is so different from the Heartland singsong or the slow southern drawl, yet the core of regionalism is based on caring for one another. Here in California I have heard stories and suffered the direct experience of a self centered-ness that borders on human destruction.

I cannot imagine a New Yorker or a Bostonian talking at me as this particular Californian did from his perch to keep out the world flowing on around him. It is beyond arrogant. He was on a chair within the confines of the sitting area of my absolutely favorite cafe on College Avenue. I had just come out of the same cafe and as I turned the corner I caught sight of his knee brace.

Five days ago, I got a shot of Novocaine and cortisol in my right knee. This was a step by the Sports Medicine, Orthopedic doctor to help my combined issues that made every step shiver with some level of pain. The latest was the bad fall, before that is the negative effects throughout my body and especially my knee joints of the Radiation treatment for the cancer. Before that the strain of being addicted to running. I choose to run with a brace rather than to slow down to a walk!

The man was sitting at my favorite cafe which is so European in character that I supposed he would be open to my asking about his very high quality brace. I wondered what happened though first I wondered about the brace. It looked like something which would help my knee. So I spoke to a complete stranger!

I actually believe that I do not know everything! Is this my greatest flaw and the trail of experience traditionally an East Coast quality! When I speak to people I get to learn a piece of the fabric of reality that is new to me. For me this is a good thing. To many of the Californians I meet in my travels, this is not the case. New information, new thoughts, new people, all rock their cloistered minds out of the response of Maybe unless something better comes along. The sense of being busy reminds me of a walled medieval city. The boundaries are interesting to the historical eye but the here and now aspect of externals and veneers separates with a chilling effect.

He looked approachable! We had a short conversation. I asked about his awesome brace. He asked me how I got my injury and where I went for the shot. He said that his knee had a very invasive surgery but he was biking after just a few weeks later. That was interesting. He asked who was my doctor and I took out my smart phone, called up the calendar entry and told him the name. He went on that he knew the building, that it was just down the block from where he was treated. But my doctor was in a building that was less wonderful! He gave an air that his doctor was better than my doctor which dumfounded me and I became silent both inside and out. REALLY?

Then came the ‘put down’ that can only be created, imagined, felt, and uttered by one of those overly tidy on the ‘outside’ ordinary folks with something invisible to protect. It is a distressing inhuman view that anyone slightly different than who they see in the mirror is to be avoided. Have you had the experience with this sort, who are rotten to the core on the inside? And, Oh My, devoid of a warm hearted easy communication with people. Especially those bothersome strangers wanting information or a helping hand.

Then he said the totally California Space Cadet Thing! “I don’t smoke pot or eat it either’!

Really?

Here was a man in a blue blazer and professionally starched shirt who assumed since I smiled and talked to him that I was a druggy! He had to announce his assessment of my being friendly and interested in his brace as a marijuana inspired conversation! Was it my red hair or that I have an easy outgoing outlook that made him think I was stoned? REALLY?

I was stopped right in my tracks, turned toward him, and said directly to him: It’s called DOPE for a reason. Then I walked down the block to my awaiting car.

A post thought: After the Boston Marathon my dear friend called me to tell me that his family was ok and how except for some odd circumstance they would ave been a that very place greeting the runners at the end of the Marathon. Then R. said a very important thing. It was a huge wake up call to me as I listened to him. It is about the choices we each have in the interactions with our fellow beings… He said, ‘Did you notice that the bystanders and Bostonian who were in the area Ran Toward The Explosion?’

He told me that and I heard it as well. The newscasters commented on the caring nature of the people who live in Boston. I have been told by another that he does not want to move to California because neighbors will not help neighbors here as everyone does where they live. I need to ask, Has the good weather and sunshine gone and altered the California human?

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