Rewiring the System

Swami Said Self

“The machine mechanically performs all the movements

its maker wants it to perform, its movements are not those of life.

How can we make the distinction between the living and the dead, then?

In the living there is freedom, there is intelligence;

in the dead all is bound and no freedom is possible, because there is no intelligence.”

———-      ~ Swami Vivekananda


It’s Alarming How Loud The Silence Screams With No Warning

Color Me Surprised!

We have been misguided, we have been deceived, those of us who have retained a connection with the political oligarchy parading around as ‘democracy’ !  Iraq a Nine Trillion dollar drain on the global economy. If you think this does not effect you look at that pot hole in every street while carrying your bag of grossly expensive groceries while being unable to pay off your college debt.

The Republicans Have Lost Their Minds and the Tea Bags are More Destructive! Who elected these wing nuts? I feel like our leaders have been cut out of MAD Magazine!220px-Paul_Ryan_official_portraitRyan was defeated in the general election. Let’s shout in his big Alfred E. Neuman Ears that His Policies are not wanted!

This MAD mascot, Alfred E. Neuman like Paul Ryan has developed budget plans that propose privatizing Medicare for those currently under the age of 55,funding Medicaid and the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program through block grants to the states,and other changes. Ryan introduced these proposals in his spending plan for the House Budget Committee in April 2011 and in an updated version in March 2012 and again this week. He wants things to change for the WORST for All Americans!

How to sweep the bums out if voting serves no purpose?

Oh My God ! Let’s rise against the push to turn back Progress.

I am now living in heart ache that the global population will be cut by more than 10% in the next 10 years because of Republican anti human being as well as anti middle class practices. My Human Family is becoming a Lost Cause!

Monsanto has placed a rider on some generally desired legislation to be able to engineer foods with no responsibility for the effects on the human systems. Monsanto Is A Monster that Obama has allowed to Thrive while he and his family eat organic food.

The Fracking shoots water under the water table and is poisoning our global water supply so that the privatization of water policy that has been in place since 1974 will charge you for water! Opponents point to potential environmental impacts, including contamination of ground water, risks to air quality, the migration of gases and hydraulic fracturing chemicals to the surface, surface contamination from spills and flowback and the health effects of these.

How did we The People allow this to happen? We stopped being in touch what we think and feel and live out of a inner death.  I hope to help all people stay with themselves as a living Human Being to care about loving themselves sufficiently that they are able to really know self care. The truth is undeniable, unless you figure this out you and the entire global families will be contaminated.

What is the Japanese government telling the people who lived around the nuclear  explosion in March 2011?  On yesterday’s news The government said that the land is being cleaned up! In two years it will be ready for planting rice again. Imagine that! Russia was more honest when they told the people that the area will never be inhabitable again. Imagine with me for a moment that Russia is more honest than Japan!

The Chernobyl disaster is widely considered to have been the worst nuclear power plant accident in history, and is one of only two classified as a level 7 event on the International Nuclear Event Scale (the other being the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear disaster in 2011).  The battle to contain the contamination and avert a greater catastrophe ultimately involved over 500,000 workers and cost an estimated 18 billion rubles. The official Soviet reports long-term effects such as cancers and deformities are still being accounted for.

I have turned to help people connect with their own subtlety so they can be more productive and at inner peace and thus have more chutzpah.I create a center of quiet for people under stress to fill with their stories. It is important to have a chance to listen to yourself by sharing what you are thinking and feeling.


I work to serve to reteach people how to breathe, which has bigger implications on our daily lives than we imagine. Through short workshops targeted to the individual or group I enable people’s inner core and strength by encourage single-pointed focus.

Do not continue to cover up what you are really feeling. Get involved in returning our country and our family of nations leaders back to serving US!  Obama IS a great failure!

Happy Now? There Is More To Living Than Being Alive: (Coding)


Time To Upgrade Your Emotional Operating System And Find Out That There Is More To Living Than The Digital On/Off Codes


Find a comfortable position in your seat

and take a slow deep breath.

Look around you and see where you are in the room.

Look on either side of your seat. Say hello to your neighbors on both sides and in front and behind you.

Take a moment to realize that you are safe here.   You are with a trustworthy and knowledgeable person leading this group.

You have chosen to come here because you are interested in Upgrading Your Emotional Operating System with all the implications of this process.

Now let’s start:  Start with a few easy breaths Out and In.  Just listen to the air going in, then a moment of stasis, circulating with grace, then out in an easy release. Allow yourself to feel relaxation as the is air going out.  In with all the energy you need and out to relax. You can close your mouth and just breathe in and out through your nose. (Take a moment to clear your nasal passages if you need to).

As you breathe in feel the energy coming in from the surrounding air as the ‘Oxygen’, that active ingredient in air, brings you energy you need to function . As you breathe out send that oxygen to the places in your body that are in tension. Relax with your out breath, a little bit more with each breath. You are a living being which by your own power of thought, you send the air to go to the places where you are tight. Change the habit of holding tension in your diaphragm.

Find an easy natural rhythm. Find YOUR Natural relaxed Rhythm.  Each one of us here has our own individual drum beat, One Two, or One Two and Three, Or perhaps One Two Three Four.  Find the song in your heart, your rhythm and let out a slow sigh.

Now Breath in and find that you, yourself, are comfortable in your seat. Say Welcome Home and breath out and let yourself relax. Let us take a minute to Just Take in air and let it out and with the out release out a little more tension.

The action of ‘breathing out’ works to remove  the dark particles that are stuck on your insides. Breath out the not needed stuff. There is a science fact about this, but we can put that investigation on hold for the time being, and use this time to breathe in and out.

The next breath you take IN, feel the sense of lightness moving across your forehead and down your arms and legs.  As you breath OUT allow the action of your breath to move down your body and remove the tension in your limbs.

As you breath in and out, doing this easily, you are allowing the crashing of the air molecules within your body to break apart and to circulate the free electron ion into being, bringing you energy.

The next breath you direct your breath-thought to feeling your body on the seat. You are strong and safe and in-touch with your body getting the oxygen it needs to have energy and health in both body and mind.

Feel the Oxygen go to your eyes. Close your eyes and feel all the tension from the usual visual pointed focusing action slip away. As you breath in, allow the curtain of your eyelids to droop down.  Let your eye muscles stop the sizzling seeing pulse. Close your eyes. What do you see on the screen? Take a minute and look at what is projected on the screen of your closed eyelids.

Blink a few times. Now let’s do the clock with our eyeballs. First look as far UP as possible without moving your chin then look as far DOWN, then to Three O’clock and over to Nine O’clock. Then repeat Top, Bottom, Left, Right.  Now start at 12 O’clock and go around, now stopping at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and return to 12.  If you want repeat. Now go in reverse from 12 to 11 and so forth back to 12.

Check your breathing. Relax and find your rhythm return.  Close your eyes and feel your body comfortable in your seat.

What season is it today? When you close your eyes what color do you see?  What are the smells of this season? What do you smell now.

Close your eyes again and imagine you are in paradise. Where is your personal paradise? Is it out in nature or in a styling designer living room?

One way to understand what part tension has played in our everyday living is to see that our ability to speak from our inner self has been silenced. From the seat of our emotions we have lost the search engine to the dictionary that would be able to have a conversation, one to one, with ourselves. This is a tragic loss, this loss of diction! So many people are without words for our emotions.

Everyone in this room has experienced “dehumanizing” in one way or another. Both from software or hardware that seems to diminish our ability to know how we feel about our place in the computer world. How can we communicate with others and function effectively in this on off fast paced world. More often than we would like to admit many have an actual deficiency in understanding, processing, and /or describing our emotions.

How do I feel?  Technology seems often to create new boundaries between people. Our industry was supposed to make communication easier and erase old boundaries

Consider this time we share here as a time to tune our individual inner harp at the intersection of Light and Sound. This is a symbol of the representation of the First Singularity as a Circle: Breathing In and Out.

The Meaning Of Life

Man Know Thyself! I have heard this my whole life in one way or another. Where should I start? It is such a Gordian Knot of a puzzle! I have tried looking in the mirror to try and see who I am. I mean as though looking in the mirror would let me see under the boundaries I have constructed to swim with the zillions of people, beings, animals, and such that flow along and cross my path. I was hoping that by looking in the mirror I could see beneath the surface, under my skin and deeper than my muscles, sinus, and cells. Man know thyself is asking me to know what part of my complicated structures of my current self in this my Ira Glass idiom, “This American Life”.

Yesterday during my morning meditation, after years of deep wondering, as I have tried to peel the onion of understanding, one layer at a time I had an Ahh Haa moment. I suddenly saw that all the years of study about Dependant Origination snapped to attention.

The Bhavacakra (Sanskrit; Pali: bhavacakka; Tibetan: srid pa’i ‘khor lo) is a symbolic representation of samsara (or cyclic existence) found on the outside walls of Tibetan Buddhist temples and monasteries in the Indo-Tibet region. In the Mahayana Buddhist tradition, it is believed that the drawing was designed by the Buddha himself in order to help ordinary people understand the Buddhist teachings.
The bhavacakra is popularly referred to as the wheel of life. This term is also translated as wheel of cyclic existence or wheel of becoming.  ~  Wikipedia
The center of the Wheel of Life holds three animals — the snake representing anger, the rooster, greed and the boar, ignorance – on a background of blue, which is as expansive as the vast open cloudless sky.  Blue has, since the end of the Mycenaean culture, been a way to express the vastness of the infinite spacious nature of the human mind. Mycenae was a small fringe settlement dating from around 1600 until 1100 BCE. Most known for the Minoan fine-wear pottery are made from well purified clay of a buff color. The Ancient Grecian Phoenician eyes had not evolved the cones and rods necessary to see Blue. They represented their sky as buff orange.

Surrounding the central animals spinning in a seemingly endless circle of blue are half circles of dark and light areas. On the light side are representations of those seeking to lessen the effects of the poisons and on the dark side are those figures suffering due to the presence and intensity of the three.

I suddenly saw that Man Know Thyself is seeing the actual way that I as an individual express in thought and action my relating out from my personal accumulation of Ignorance. Each person has their own desires and fears which they bounce on to communication with the world. Now again, I feel the vibrating truth of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

Serve America: VOTE 2012

Do YOU want to bring back Bolton and the Neo Con Horde?

The End of truth as we have known it Fox News Commentator, John Bolton, would be one of the team. Remember the Group who brought general destruction of our International Stature, (as an exemplary nation), our Privacy, with The Patriot Act leashing out unjust behavior toward all Individuals, and financial debacle world wide for all but the top .001%

John Bolton is a neoconservative!  often equating diplomacy with weakness and indecisiveness. The Neoconservatives want War. That is where they make their money.

There is a conflict between the very rich and the very, very rich with those stratospheric billionaires who are purchasing Governments.

I remembering being a member of a Political Theater Group who dressed up and went to stump speeches called the Billionaires For Bush. Where did I put my extra stickers?

Billionaires for Bush is a culture jamming political street theater organization that satirically purports to support George W. Bush for those activities which are perceived to benefit corporations and the super-wealthy. A secret New York City Police Department intelligence report based on undercover surveillance of the group in 2003 and 2004 in advance of the 2004 Republican National Convention in New York City, described the Billionaires as “an activist group forged as a mockery of the current president and political policies.

They wore conservative jackets and ties (but no bowler hats, etc.) and carried innocuous signs such as “Run, Steve, Run.” Happy to have grass-roots support, the Forbes handlers (who believed the Billionaires were students from a nearby business school) placed them in front of the cameras, very near to the podium from which Forbes was speaking. However, each of their signs had another sign behind it. And behind their banner (which read “Forbes 2000: He wants YOU to win”) was another banner, waiting. At the most dramatic moment of his announcement, the Billionaires flipped their signs, and pulled away the large banner to reveal one which read: “Billionaires for Forbes: Because Inequality isn’t Growing Fast Enough.” The Billionaires started chanting “Let workers pay the tax so investors can relax!” and other slogans. Forbes and his handlers were completely thrown off, a little tussle ensued, and the Billionaires were pushed off to the side away from the cameras. Not wanting to miss the action, half the TV crews left the Forbes speech to cover the Billionaires. The action got lots of coverage.

John Bolton was pushed into the United Nations Position by the Right Wing. Bolton resigned before the end of his term because he was unlikely to win confirmation from the balanced Senate.

The Romney supporters want to remove The United States from it’s prominent place within the family of global community in The United Nations. Beware Citizens!

Yesterday, I heard a conversation wafting above the high fence around the University skateboard park. I live 25 yards from the sound of the rolling wheels and happy masculine conversation. It is a special atmosphere where skateboarders’ can escape being watched and recharge. It was not usual to hear political conversation. It happened on that day that one young man said to the dozen or so assembled: If you do not Vote, it is a Vote for Romney. Take Care you know what you are doing. He insisted that his friends Get out and VOTE. Go to your local City Hall and vote early. This way you can be assured that Your Vote Will Be Counted.

True Stability

Yes, there is a pointer of thought. Who among us spends more than an occasional moment or gives much thought to just where Thoughts  come from?  Where do we each place the pointer of our thinking mechanism? Finding this takes real mental effort and emotional control. The difficulty is finding the tip of a thought. Where in your brain and consciousness do thoughts start?  Some writers and thinkers have labeled that point a space in time. I once heard a man say that it is a GAP where choice functions.  He used the word GAP to give some idea of thinking as a stream of action that has a muscular structure and can be exercised to be in charge of the development of strength and stability of Mind. The vagaries of life happen though I choose the direction to tell my ‘thought’ where and how to travel.

It is like the difference of a cozy relationship and a marriage. How do people make the choice to do more than just visit with one another as humans who are dating and risk being together in cohabitation both physically and financially? The choice might be an emotional space we have all experienced at one level or another. Emotions are easier to understand than thinking.

When I drive, I am calm. It took many years of working on the space between the originating thought and a response either physical as accelerating or breaking or the emotional response which rises my blood pressure or an expression such as honking .

True stability is poise in the GAP. It is an ease with the short view of what is good right here and now in this moment in this lifetime and the long view of how this moment will attract and construct the future of individuals, Nations, and our very planet in the family of stars.

Being moderate and  trying to live simply certainly gives me a large screen to view the display of my actions and reactions. I am a beginner.

Occupy Wall Street 2012

I watched with Horror, the brutality of the Police on the people protesting the United States Oligarchy at the Occupy Wall Street site at the square in NYC this evening. How can our elected officials act against our very own American Constitution?

Almost 200 protesters arrested TODAY!  The Mayors, the Governors and on up the elected ladder MUST be told that the People want Economic Equity. Change Will Happen. Can our current Government be part of the Healthy Future of our country and all global economies? I sat and watched first hand the brutality in Oakland and have posted pictures I took Thanksgiving day 2011 …. And Now Am I More Than A Regular Baby Boomer Citizen? I am a droplet, a tear drop, in the river of life. Who among those reading this are comfortable being uncomfortable? As Vivaldi eloquently sang out : When I die and go to heaven if you are not there I will not go in…. Stand with me and lets make the world we want.

  1. Occupy Wall Street : Why Won’t They Leave?

    Wed, 5 Oct 2011

    …by the banks on the continues today and will be we don’t. all rights we are the 99 % of the back and want of 1%. You start thinking a little…

    We are the 99% found at 0:53

  2. Occupy Wall Street Movement Goes National

    Sun, 9 Oct 2011

    occupy Wall Street movement it’s gain momentum across the country with protests breaking out more than a dozen cities Saturday. ABC Cecilia…

    Occupy Wall Street Movement found at 0:00

  3. Occupy Wall Street Movement Told to Move

    Thu, 13 Oct 2011

    …Bloomberg has ordered police to clear them out at daybreak. ABC Cecili…

  4. Occupy Wall Street : Fordham Professor Explains the Movement

    Wed, 5 Oct 2011

    …and it is. Not just New York City other cities are getting on board this occupy Wall Street movement . But the question is does this group had…

    Occupy Wall Street Movement found at 0:12

  5. Protesters ‘Occupy’ Congress

    Tue, 11 Oct 2011

    occupy Wall Street movement was on the move today building strength and for the first time taking aim at individuals of the top of powerful…

    Occupy Wall Street Movement found at 0:00

  6. Occupy Wall Street : Protests on 1-Year Anniversary

    Mon, 17 Sep 2012

    …of the stock exchange. And down here you can officers are checking ID…

  7. Occupy Wall Street Through the Mail

    Fri, 28 Oct 2011

    …offers and others Occupy Wall Street just offseason But Occupy Wall Street got me. These getting out in his is there. Occupy Wall

    Occupy Wall Street Movement found at 4:12

Poetic Creativeness: Together Everyone Achieves More: TEAM

My Personal Philosophy, revelations from reading

Parker J. Palmer’s “A Hidden Wholeness”

Some spiritual searching is simple and some searches are complicated. As a
long time practitioner of meditation, I spend time in silently contemplating
mysteries of the inner self.  I reflect on both the individual moments and
those in the complex relationships of working in a group. Ruminating on
being a good listener and an open-hearted person, I see reflections of truth
in my thoughts, emotions and actions as they blossom in the world. With my
heart open, I listen to the greatness of Infinity and to the singular
stories of people. My striving for such understanding has led me to think of
myself as a vessel, as a chalice – with the dual purpose of holding
knowledge of the heart and of the mind. In my studies and practice it is my
goal to reflect the facets of understanding, accumulated over many
lifetimes, and find a new facet in the work I do with others. In many
intersections of my life I have chose quiet reflection as communion,
signified by my person within and without, to give space to singular stories
and at the same moment, to the greatness of infinity.

In order to truly see someone, to see the other person fully, I try to find that same truth in myself.

By dressing and moving with grace and being available to receive people and
ideas, I practice this new kind of sight. In discovering the basic humanity
within myself, I realize how our innate social energy can be elevated by
relatively simple means, deceptively simple. Because of my focus on the
subtle, and the awareness I strive to cultivate, I can often appreciate
where my presence is needed. This occurred in our very classroom, with John,
whom I could sense had a special readiness, and an interest in concerned
reflection. I shared a kind of affection of the soul, by creating a space
for him to view himself, a listening, caring role that was wrought not by
pontificating on religious texts or rigorous solutions, but rather by
something I’d classify as an active passivity. I am actively utilizing the
teachings I have received, but conveying them in a passive manner, in a way
that relays strength without a forceful or urgent tone. John has since told
me that he will remember that moment with gratitude.

From this interaction and others, I am always reconfirming the beauty of the

human condition, that we have such capacity to heal and to be healed. Our
souls are beacons of knowledge; our bodies can and do act out of genuine
goodness. It is up to our own ability to witness, and reflect, our fortitude
in flexing through life’s many lessons that determines our abilities to
deeply connect with ourselves and others. By integrating meditation into my
everyday life, I am working to pacify the afflictions of ago that clouds my
mind and hobble my heart. Buddhists refer to this as Dharma living in the
Dharmata; Quakers would say, discernment, living in the Inner Light. Both
are reference to the “Presence,” which is empty of the phenomena of our
everyday lives. It is a constant, embedded within our lives and the life of
the communities around us. As Dr. Palmer states, “the inner journey, pursued
faithfully and well, always takes us back to the world of action.”
As I pursue my own inner path, I have again been called into action. My
daughter asked me to listen to a serious problem. I said to her that I
would, “just listen,” and would “allow her to hear what is going on.” She
replied, “Mom, that is what you always do and that is why I come talk to
you.” I help her and others by not fixing or saving. Opinions are often
reflections of past aversions, like Opened Yawns! — familial habits that
shade our vision, that same kind of sight I spoke of earlier. “Advice is
just like sharing last week’s dirty laundry,” as the saying goes, but
neither overt opinion nor advice are attractive ways to be of service. Like
gossip, they break the social fabric of community where honest sharing can

In an absence of such cluttered communication, interconnectedness shines. It
is created by the same willingness, or readiness that I’ve experienced with
John and my daughter. It can be cultivated by the simple act of lighting a
flame and forming a circle. The very exercise of creating a powerful symbol
– the circle – and igniting the energy of light are enough to foster this
connection. From such a base it is possible for genuine human connectedness
to fill the longing of men and women. A Hidden Wholeness lists the steps
needed to create the kind of intimacy we long for, the kind of intimacy from
which point we can act as our higher selves. Palmer calls it a
counter-cultural approach. it is currently an uncommon practice to ask open
ended questions. We need to change the way we tell our story, a more
inclusive way as Palmer suggests, for society to maintain. This kind of
faith in each other’s ability to be honest encourages our own internal
growth, rekindling the cycle and restrengthening humanity. In quiet
reflection we calm our minds and hearts; in community, we build, each a
participant, a new way of co-existing.

  Spiritual, communal or social structures could be compared with
  “relationship selling,” a business concept where a salesperson honors the
  intellect of his or her clients by getting to know them, and thus serving
  their needs more acutely.

It is part of the paradigm shift of which I am an
active participant, bringing the “human” back into human beings. We are each
born and come into the world with a gift, which we are here to shoulder
aloft to shine. We are here to weave the light of our individual thread with
the fabric of the human family.
It is vital that we work at countering the “dividing life.” We must each be
true to our inner mission, trust in it and that of our comrades, and be
gentle with ourselves, all people, places, lovers, enemies. This is bound to
propagate a healthy self respect that will seep into our thoughts, words and
actions; When we honor ourselves and others we honor the world.

Fusion and interaction:

How to turn a circle of distrust into a circle  of trust?

“The experience of poetic creativeness is not found staying at home, nor yet
in traveling, but in transitions from one to the other, which must therefore
be adroitly managed to present as much transitional surface as possible.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

When distrust enters into a relationship asking “why” instead of “what” is
an important distinction in the internal questioning process.  At any
transition point it is crucial to look at the root, even at the method of
questioning. Such querying that I bring into my conversations and activities
makes co-creation possible. It is important to be more awake to what is
actually going on when I am with people so that I am able to inspire a
trusting atmosphere.    By acknowledging our personal mistrust we can ask
ourselves the right questions then bring the insights into group
conversations.   Moving as a conscious server, I work, by questioning and
listening to the answers, to knit together my personal identity with my
professional integrity building a vocational vitality as noted on the
Courage to Lead website.

  When we each face ourselves, we each reflect that knowledge outward,
fostering trust and looking very much like wise leadership qualities.

My daughter asked me to write a parenting book before she has children so
she will be able to understand how she turned out as she did and be able to
replicate the process with her children. She said that others had the
abundant opportunities that she had, yet many have not become successful
adults who walk on the straight and narrow folding of reality.  She knows
that I was a single parent as her father was otherwise occupied for most of
the activities, and I was operating with a quarter of my brain surgically
removed.  How did I manage?

Every morning I pull up my ‘on stage’ face, bringing along all the secrets

 of the back stage life with the cacophony of sights and sounds that make up
the walls of my current life.  I walk with relationships, awake to this
stirring of inner self pushing against the walled self, understanding that
change is constant.  Alternatively, I can be asleep in my own life.  Will I
slip on this Mobius strip?  That will be the end, since I will loose my
balance and with it I will loose my integrity.   What I need is a thoughtful
connection with others, with lovers and friends, coworkers who share a dream
with similar ideals.  My living practice is a reflection gained from my
simply sitting still. I open my warm heart against any common form of
interpersonal violence. Peacefully I look to the great inner teacher I call
lovingly ‘mother of the world’ for the path to honor the world. A circle of
trust begins when I can honor myself and honor others with respect and
love.  The distrust dissipates by my integrity in action.  I gave a
productivity ‘in service’ hour at the One Stop in Oakland.  I bring forth
the belief that, Together Everyone Achieves More: TEAM. This is the value of
the inward spiritual journey.  My ‘Home’ uses ‘Love in Action’.  It is the
> rope I braid and gather in circles on my way toward self-integration.  I am
one who thrives on things as they really are in concert with the laws of the
universe and our solar system. What is the timetable and what are the rules
for the smooth function of society and community? This is what I want to
know. With this training, I now have the program steps and the community
connection to develop tools to bring personal clarity to those who come to
me for help.  My gift is the inner glow stoked and tended by reflection on
and contemplation of the ‘highest good’ I can imagine, both for myself and
for those in the world community. This is visible to those in need of a warm
heart and an available ear. I choose to live my life as a friend on the
path, as a person choosing a life of service to the whole with wholeness.  I
base my choice to do chaplaincy work on this friendliness approach.  Does it
matter what ‘religion’ I practice when I am serving in this way?  I bring my
years of sitting practice to a Muslim as well as an Ibo or a Quaker and
Buddhist.  This is the beauty of sharing the experience of bringing an open
wholeness to all my conversation.

Clouds are flowing in the river, waves are flying in the sky. Life is
laughing in a pebble. Does a pebble ever die?
Flowers grow out of garbage, such a miracle to see. What seems dead and what
seems dying makes for butterflies to be.
Life is laughing like a pebble, flowers bathe in morning dew. Dust is
dancing in my footsteps and I wonder who is who.
Clouds are flowing in the river, clouds are drifting in my tea…. On a
never-ending journey, what a miracle to BE!
– Eveline Beumke

Diabetes Is Alcoholism

I don’t know why Men with Diabetes flutter toward me seeking my attention? Diabetes is an addiction! An addiction to suicide, injuring themselves and anyone who gets close. Why these hampered butterflies flock over a field of imagined sugary substance is a sick sign of our times.

Addiction baggage has nothing to do with the hot womanly fiery flame that radiates in a gender dance relationship with my heart. Day in and day out, over and over again, from the rocket scientist I adored for more than five years to another who I gave my time and attention both have diabetes and hypertension.  Men with the behaviors and same medical difficulties and fists full of medications instead of inner change. Oh Steve, you are such a good man and I do miss you… but I am so finished with guys with Diabetes! The need for control stifles my flame and is oppressive to my kindling.

My Ex-husband is a practicing alcoholic. I had 20+ years in that cloud! I had to join the wives of alcoholics 12 Step program in Phoenixville, PA, to get the energetic torque to rocket into the starry milky mother and safety. I needed real torque to escape! By the way, Torque is the rotational or ‘Twisting’ effect of a force, a moment of force that is both a sensation and visible.  Torque is measured as an equivalent straight line force multiplied by the distance from the Axis Of Rotation! VaaaRrrrrrBoom …..feel the SI unit Newton-Meter, (Nm) or Imperial Unit Foot Pound of power resistance to the static heft to build up enough pressure to move forward. Change is a struggle. Change is hard work

I could not get away from the controlling abusive relationship with out the community of understanding that the group of local woman who where in the same cup of hot water as I found myself floating like the proverbial Frog. Ya’all know the story of the Frog who was in a pot of water that sat on a fire. The frog did not notice how hot the water was getting until he was Cooked.  That frog was me. I was cooked and marginalized and finally physically beaten bloody in his alcoholic haze. It was in the hospital when the detectives really brought the point out. They said that I was so badly beaten that if I did not get out of the state he would come back and finish me off. Yes That Is What I Was Actually Told! That is how hard it is to change!  Finland Beckoned: Put me on Ice: I have a deep past inheritance of a continuation of consciousnesses.

I remember dressing like this out in the reindeer herds

What the circle in the Twelve-Step Program  gave me was a Palm Tree trajectory. I was removed from the abuse by a Poet Saint who helped me pack up and drove me to Sunny California! He saved my life and I will always be in his radius of loving attention. He supported my 12 step practice.

The 12 Steps are a set of guiding principles, accepted by members as ‘spiritual principles,’  outlining a course of action for recovery from the addictions that allow abusive personal habits and actions or other behavioral problems that attract like to like.

I am here in Berkeley California the home of the Chochenyo/Huchiun band of the Ohlone people. The Indian Rock, the Shellmounds, and Palm Trees support my feet as I strive to build a new life.

This pit in the surface of a rock at Indian Rock Park is typical of those used by Ohlone Indians to grind acorns.

My Heart is fully opened to flow with the continuous stream of a body within connections to indigenous peoples. I have great respect and gratitude to the struggles and smart ingenuity they exhibit to have built the Tools modern society use as they trudge the very rocky path forward. To couple into a loving family, we need to LOVE one another fully and simply.

Love One Another Is The Letter Of The Law



What happens when you threaten the self-perception of the person in front of you?

It happened tonight to enough people entering the theater, that as I sat on the sidelines the man taking tickets came up to me and said …. (something like what I imagine a guardian angle fluttering said),

‘Maurice Sendak, would tell you, that when your conversation is seen by another as an attack, you should behave just like a child and turn around and let them see your back!’ Just take a minute and imagine what a child would do in the same situation. Then do what your inner child would do. You will be in the Night Kitchen among the stellar sparkle and your wish will come true.

Ahhhh MAURICE, You gave each of us a dance to do with the wild things. I will miss you.

25 years ago, or so, I bought my daughter the characters in the Wild Things which she has to this day sitting on the top shelf in her cloths closet to be ready in the event of intractable rigidity. Get ready to jump off the intersection where people act out of fear that their self image is under imagined attack.


Maurice Sendak
Born Maurice Bernard Sendak
June 10, 1928
Brooklyn, New York
Died May 8, 2012 (aged 83)
Danbury, Connecticut
  • Artist
  • Illustrator
  • Writer
Nationality American
Period 1947–2012
Genres Children’s literature
Notable work(s)
Notable award(s)

Maurice Bernard Sendak

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