Rewiring the System


Conviction


If a thought grows out of the workings of the brain,  then a Conviction is the guidance that grows out of the Heart. Integrity is a conviction of self esteem working with in a family and out to a community and our Globe, this blue pearl.

It is not a clever argument, a conviction is a firm belief.  I believe that most often it is not verbally sharing a belief but the very living integrity that moves others into action. As a parent I had first hand proof that it was the way I moved, spoke, treated others, and lived my every day life that was the great teacher. It is my actions that I impressed on those under my care how to behave both in times of joy and those many times of struggle.

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Just a few days ago while I was leaving an appointment I was told that she was glad I talked with her since I always leave her with a smile on her face! That could be none other than the conviction of joy in my heart that rounds out the sounds my words try to convey.

Conviction is a seed for understanding the infinite amount of time and energy each of us have to complete the thought, contained in a word and that string of words that brings people close to one another. The evidence is in the action that always speaks louder than words, thought without words we would all be miming with painted faces and stripped leggings.

I remember with great fondness the time I drove my dearest teacher and monks around on their errands. I would sometimes have a group of monks in my car on the way to the grocery store. There were times when visiting monks came to see my teacher and I was asked to take them window shopping. Most often they wanted to go to the poor part of town and look around in the thrift stores in that community. My teacher liked to go to great malls in various towns around where he lived.  People who view their lives as Spending Time, learn by watching the way true meditating servants of the common good live, is a great adventure and gift in itself. This also taught me to watch how people mirror my behavior.

There were no words shared but the conviction that was taught, is to always want to see every part of the world with no fear.  I walked with conviction born out of inner integrity where few choose to shop.

In fact, one day, long ago I was in such a very thrifty thrift store with three or four travelers when I found a big packing box of High Loft European Goose Down ‘Famous Label’ with the embossed coat of arms,  (Ralph Lauren), king size pillows for fifteen dollars each! What a great surprise. The next day I went to Bloomingdales and found the regular size of this same pillow for three hundred dollars each! I guess it was not being afraid to window shop deep within the wrong side of the tracks! Probably these pillows were not sold earlier because the usual clients did not know what they were or their exorbitant usual cost.

The conviction in my heart is: we are all worthy people! No matter how much stuff we have or how much it cost.

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Trauma


Something is tearing at my tender heart, it is a condition of life. I am reading a new book, Trauma, by the noted author Mark Epstein.IMG_20130827_210128

 

I warn you all that the font used is very small so you have to hold the book differently and really concentrate on reading. This book is helping me see as I struggle to move forward. I went to his book tour a few days ago. It was a real insight from a psychological view. His talk was very practical.  Mark spoke from his experiences of eating mindfully as a simple act of not putting more food into your mouth until you have completely finished chewing and swallowing the first bite. My taste buds are singing as they send the good impulses to my brain which then tells my mind/body that good food is fuel for delight.

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Then there is the physical brain, amygdala, over active that is the touchy function of our body mind system. This is the sentnal communicator of stress. One step at a time to turn your attention to the impulses is to turn toward Kindness; Be Kind to yourself.

Ask yourself, what does being kind to myself look like at this intersection. Find what will let you feel you are being Kind To Yourself and Do That Action. Being Kind to yourself is a source of awakening. Kindness is a light on this place you and I are going through, today in the here and now

Our understanding that living with and through a Trauma is NOT Fun. This is a source of connection that allows us, you and I, to care about each other and send our caring support out to all our friends and family.

Last night I painted my toenails. I have not done this in months. I just want to tip toe today with a small caring sparkle.

Emotions are as real as a table, sometimes hard and heavy, “without the hurt the heart is hollow”.

Hug This Emotion!


Yea, Reach out and hug my thoughts as I unload them on to this space.
I am wondering about the levels of our shared imagined material world… Material, If everything is material how can I live in the flow of particles which demand that I am kind to myself?
So I understand the things I can see, touch, and hug. I believe in the world of thought since childhood. I had a drawing of a bit of space with wings and the heading: Thoughts Have Wings. I know that emotions are as real as my toes even though I cannot reach out and grab an emotion.
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Mother Of The World
I know that the thoughts I have as I go through life, as I drive in traffic, as I dance down the aisles of my well stocked grocery store move my body, mind and heart. I can feel the pitter patter when I see a dear friend approach. I shrink from confrontation with bilious sorts. The function of my senses bind me to the solid forms. I am ready to step into the energy which is magnetized by the action of where I choose to place my thoughts.
I had a great insight when His Holiness The Dalai Lama informed the world that Kindness is his religion. He shouted this into every media site in an effort to wake people up to the definition of Kindness. All kindness starts with Kindness To Yourself. Otherwise, unless you have a direct actual internal experience in your own life you have no real experience. All truth is truth that you have lived. That is the way you can know ‘stuff’.
People fool themselves that they understand grace, goodness, and kindness, all the time. You can tell who is actually knowledgable and who is putting on the airs by their behavior in words and actions. Truth is Love In Action, playing out on the breeze that is the breath of our Mother Nature.
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Our Lady of Kibeho

Crystal clear sweet sharp clarity in taste and poise, touch and scent, in beauty for all eyes to see.

 

I left New York and the east coast of America for the weather and unanimity of the bay area but I do not long for my past as a ‘home’. In fact I went back for several weeks last year for my birthday. I saw all my dearest best friends and retraced the steps that helped build the person who has this life I now live. I noticed that I am traveling at an inner pace which is different than the outer wave length lived in those seasons that now will always be my past.

 

I am home in my heart and at peace as I strive to see the energy in its more refined layers of My Material World! Accomplishing everything everywhere without exception!

FREE FOOD Saturday


How to change a neighborhood, a community , a town, city. county, state country and the globe? So many organizations really try to bring people together to get to know one another and form bonds that can actualize friendships and community caring. Our world is so segregated. How many of my neighbors do I know well enough so that when I am in need of a friendly hand or conversation can I call? People here are so isolated by fears and separations  I do not have cable or this or that digital whatever which is not real and imagined. So that people have trained themselves to be uncomfortable with their neighbors.
How can we as a society turn around the downward cycle if we are not standing together with those people who live in our proximity? Saturday around 6:30 two men, roommates, started with one pot of chille a few months ago. They did not even have a ladle. Their original sign was barely readable… Now there is a party and the neighbors bring out a covered dish which is now a gourmet feast. Love One Another! He IS creating friendships of caring through sharing food and breaking bread over conversation.
I was driving by after a strenuous day where I felt I had no power of input. I was a little marble in someone else’s game of life. It was physically and emotionally draining. Since I drive the local speed limit my peripheral vision caught the light orange sign: FREE FOOD.
It was on a nice corner across from a shop, that served as an external office, where I often got a coffee. I pulled around the corner and parked my car to take a look at what was going on and what was offered. There was a joyous group of smiling faces and a wow spread of soup to salad. I intend to cook up something delicious and bring it down next saturday so I can have a second conversation with this group of wonderful neighbors. One man brought his classical guitar!  I had the time of my life in such simplicity with such opened hearted grace in the true tradition of caring. No Baggage and nothing needed except to bring you actual real self to this great party of life.Feed those who cannot afford a whole meal by bringing what you can and together we become what we can never become alone.
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Tough Day


I have made a lot of mistakes in my years on this planet. I come from a first generation American dysfunctional family and married into a Mayflower dysfunctional family. The most painful part is that no matter how hard I tried to break the chain, I did not succeed. Today was a tough day. I can feel my heart breaking. The reality is that all my worries are pointless: If there’s a solution, I have no need to worry. If no solution exists, what’s the point in worrying? Yet because this is family, I feel laden?

My Unhappy story starts back several generations, all of whom are dead.  I am a human being and flawed. I never recognized that I was not using my time with my family wisely. I do not have all the juicy stories. I only have the stories that happened when I was present.

There is a thread from my Grandfather about the Bolsheviks and the Mensheviks.  All sides of my family were liberal and believed that the revolution by the Mugziks, the peasants, to upturn their slave status, was a good thing. The Mensheviks did not win

My parents fled the Bolsheviks and the Russian Revolution. The Revolutionaries came to my Grandfathers house and put a gun to his head. “You have three hours to get as far away from here or I am going to line you up and shoot you all. We want your house and land.” My mother was the oldest of eleven children. My Grandmother, my mother’s mother had the courage to take a few valuables and started walking through Russia, from whatever small town between St Petersburg and Kiev to the closest river. I guess it took a few years until the three surviving children arrived at Ellis Island. My Fathers family came via Vienna because of their mercantile history in the Kosher Foods Business and arrived in New York City in the same year.

The two were so glad to be alive. Their gratitude to America was deep and strong. My father joined the armed forces and they gave him a test and he got a perfect score. You can imagine that was magic for both my father and the country that both saved his life and gave him the possibility for a long and grand future. He became all clearance Intelligence with an office deep underground in a concrete fortress. He is not here to tell me exactly what exact part of what state but he did take me to his office. I have clear visual memory along the concrete halls. His desk was a government issue metal hunk painted a dark green with a rounded corner surface.

He flew the undercover government line just like a Hawk. He was a tough smart man. He was asked to work with the Navaho Nation to set up the Code Whispers.

I remember biting into my first big ripe red tomato on that reservation. The Army guy had a big beige cowboy hat, the tall kind with a widish turned brim bend down and handed it to me, then stood up and smiled. No words passed from him to me. Just his reaching toward me with a lovely Beefsteak. Were did that Jersey tomato come from? Were we in front of a gas station food store in the vast Arizona desert? I turned around in a 360 degree circle taking in the vast reddish dusty earth. My parents green panel truck stood out in the distance. We got back into the truck and drove off down the roadless expanse to the Chiefs small brick house complete with a pointed black tack tar roof. It was built right on the earth. I remember my looking down in surprise since this was the first house I had been in that did not have flooring.

My parents got along beautifully with the Chief and his wife.  My mother gave me the ring which the Chief had given to my father. I have worn it when I was traveling on to Navaho territory 10 years ago when I was crossing the country.  My father worked with the Chief in choosing the members of the tribe who would serve with the Marines and other military forces. Tonight I saw the movie about the service of the Navaho Nation in 1943 Saipan. The part my father played does not appear since he was completely invisible!

Naive Peace


Naive

It looks like I mistook Beef Stew for Prime Rib, yet again.  Am I the only woman that has this loop action and reaction to social life with people? I am struggling to see the boundaries between the Layers of thought.

What is the Undercurrent of ‘a thought’?

Who is this person who is trying to find a mind body space to slip into for clarity of consciousness? How can I turn on the inner light, direct my mind, and find in that space an insight or knowledge of Peace?  I want to know the meaning of peace as an integral part of all life. When will I start recognizing a pattern?  What is the texture and size of the meat in the beef stew? My teeth now the difference as they sink into a bite of rare prime rib.

How do I manage to starve the desire that allows me to settle for the Beef Stew rather than wait until I recognize the nice juicy steak?  Action is what is needed to starve the ‘seed’ thought at the root. I feel like I am on fire!  I must Stop, Drop, and Roll to change the programming information to my amygdalae. It is this emotional learning, with an aspect of fear conditioning, that resonates, causing stimulation of adverse memories that predict the long term signaling of this little almond shaped part of our human brain.

In Terms Of Value, This Almond Is Exceptional

In Terms Of Value, This Almond Is Exceptional

The present moment, the scene that is going on right now, is what must be realized, with an emphasis “on being here now”.

I am reaching toward the Gnostic rather than the dense personal identifier. So how realized can we be?

This moment could snap a complete realization in both the direction of particles and the music of Nature.  I am listening to the Music of the Spheres.

Be Here Now. Here is another practical aspect of Mindfulness or attention to the Gap moment between the seed or root of thought and the brain. The value is being able to  register that particular thought.

Like all of the steps you make when purchasing an airplane ticket.

Think about what you really want. Imagine that week after week as this dance with one another.

Any Minute Mindfulness


I am standing in the glistening azure water at the Lions Pool in a park in Oakland California. I have escaped from a family farces of verbal abuse that felt like a energy vampire had sucked all the joy out of my being.  Now I was standing in the water saying to my self over and over, ‘I Am Here Now.’ It felt like heavy lifting. Just saying the words of this mindful sentence was like dragging an entire building of historical emotions into the proper receptacle. That was then and this is now.  I was not going to get lost again. I had to tell myself that what had happened was not happening now. I struggled to take the time to look around at my surroundings and get my balance. I was working on being Mindful. At any minute now, I was mindful.

This is such a good thing!  That the word Mindfulness has entered the main stream vocabulary. It is a sign the masses have a notion that they have a brain service station.  At last I have some glimmer of understanding that my mind has some directing process in life.

Like driving in the evening, the headlights on a car serve to show us the path ahead. The actual understanding that our mind can function in this way to help us see where we are, and what is ahead, is a wonderful step. This is the first step for peacefulness. This works from the inside out for both the individual and global life.

This is True: Being A Good Person

This is True: Being A Good Person

Using the word, Mindfulness, in work places and in schools is a sign that populations are becoming aware of the existence of a mind. It shows there is an interest and hunger to become familiar with the concept of mind.  What is this aspect of my being and what does it actually do? The inner thoughts and tools are very ancient. You can search the concept and how it developed in India.

HHDL gave a teaching this year which you can take time to watch:

http://dalailama.com/webcasts/post/288-opening-the-eye-of-the-new-awareness

It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.
~ Audre Lorde

For this, (Mindfulness), we have to forget things like “I should be mindful of this or that”. If you are mindful, you are already creating a separation (“I – am – mindful – of – ….”). Don’t be mindful, please! When you walk, just walk. Let the walk walk. Let the talk talk. Let the eating eat, the sitting sit, the work work. Let sleep sleep

Hurry up, at any minute I will be mindful!

R E S P E C T


It’s preposterous how I let things, important projects, important letters, forms, calls, just slide away and out of the window of opportunity. Then I create a personality issue like low self esteem or blame. Letting life flow recklessly along without adequate direction is causing me pain.

One step to mitigate this pain problem is to generate an inner sense of peacefulness.  To Love inside your heart for yourself and gratitude that you are here now investigating the possibility of inner peace changes thinking. Peace, which you can send out as a general cloud of positive thought feeling and a prayer extended to all the people you encounter and all beings around the globe is a great tool for understanding how to feel peace. What does Peace feel like inside your body and mind?

The ‘Gratitude Attitude’, I first encountered in a meaningful way at a TED slash BIL conference in Monterey, California, either in 2005 or 2006. A very productive and gentle man gave a talk about generating gratitude by using the simple act of the manner you use signing your written communication.

Instead of ending with Sincerely, Best Wishes, or Best, which have lost any meaning and have become an ‘off handed’ thing clunking at the end of the conversation, you can choose to place a thought from your heart.

He impressed me with his valor and the importance for using a communication mode which becomes an action, that both woke the writer up to how very lucky they are, and to wish a good heart attitude (emoticon Hearted), to the reader.

He instructed us to try the experiment of signing our letters and texting with a feeling of goodness; With Respect and Gratitude, or With Gratitude and Respect.
I have adopted this ending for my letters. I feel good that I take a moment to allow myself to rest in the idea of just how lucky I am. Gratitude, not only to be breathing but to be living in a time and place where I am truly grateful for being able to write letters.

Happy Now? There Is More To Living Than Being Alive: (Coding)


Alexithymia…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHG-9ohsv4Y

Time To Upgrade Your Emotional Operating System And Find Out That There Is More To Living Than The Digital On/Off Codes

Welcome

Find a comfortable position in your seat

and take a slow deep breath.

Look around you and see where you are in the room.

Look on either side of your seat. Say hello to your neighbors on both sides and in front and behind you.

Take a moment to realize that you are safe here.   You are with a trustworthy and knowledgeable person leading this group.

You have chosen to come here because you are interested in Upgrading Your Emotional Operating System with all the implications of this process.

Now let’s start:  Start with a few easy breaths Out and In.  Just listen to the air going in, then a moment of stasis, circulating with grace, then out in an easy release. Allow yourself to feel relaxation as the is air going out.  In with all the energy you need and out to relax. You can close your mouth and just breathe in and out through your nose. (Take a moment to clear your nasal passages if you need to).

As you breathe in feel the energy coming in from the surrounding air as the ‘Oxygen’, that active ingredient in air, brings you energy you need to function . As you breathe out send that oxygen to the places in your body that are in tension. Relax with your out breath, a little bit more with each breath. You are a living being which by your own power of thought, you send the air to go to the places where you are tight. Change the habit of holding tension in your diaphragm.

Find an easy natural rhythm. Find YOUR Natural relaxed Rhythm.  Each one of us here has our own individual drum beat, One Two, or One Two and Three, Or perhaps One Two Three Four.  Find the song in your heart, your rhythm and let out a slow sigh.

Now Breath in and find that you, yourself, are comfortable in your seat. Say Welcome Home and breath out and let yourself relax. Let us take a minute to Just Take in air and let it out and with the out release out a little more tension.

The action of ‘breathing out’ works to remove  the dark particles that are stuck on your insides. Breath out the not needed stuff. There is a science fact about this, but we can put that investigation on hold for the time being, and use this time to breathe in and out.

The next breath you take IN, feel the sense of lightness moving across your forehead and down your arms and legs.  As you breath OUT allow the action of your breath to move down your body and remove the tension in your limbs.

As you breath in and out, doing this easily, you are allowing the crashing of the air molecules within your body to break apart and to circulate the free electron ion into being, bringing you energy.

The next breath you direct your breath-thought to feeling your body on the seat. You are strong and safe and in-touch with your body getting the oxygen it needs to have energy and health in both body and mind.

Feel the Oxygen go to your eyes. Close your eyes and feel all the tension from the usual visual pointed focusing action slip away. As you breath in, allow the curtain of your eyelids to droop down.  Let your eye muscles stop the sizzling seeing pulse. Close your eyes. What do you see on the screen? Take a minute and look at what is projected on the screen of your closed eyelids.

Blink a few times. Now let’s do the clock with our eyeballs. First look as far UP as possible without moving your chin then look as far DOWN, then to Three O’clock and over to Nine O’clock. Then repeat Top, Bottom, Left, Right.  Now start at 12 O’clock and go around, now stopping at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and return to 12.  If you want repeat. Now go in reverse from 12 to 11 and so forth back to 12.

Check your breathing. Relax and find your rhythm return.  Close your eyes and feel your body comfortable in your seat.

What season is it today? When you close your eyes what color do you see?  What are the smells of this season? What do you smell now.

Close your eyes again and imagine you are in paradise. Where is your personal paradise? Is it out in nature or in a styling designer living room?

One way to understand what part tension has played in our everyday living is to see that our ability to speak from our inner self has been silenced. From the seat of our emotions we have lost the search engine to the dictionary that would be able to have a conversation, one to one, with ourselves. This is a tragic loss, this loss of diction! So many people are without words for our emotions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHG-9ohsv4Y

Everyone in this room has experienced “dehumanizing” in one way or another. Both from software or hardware that seems to diminish our ability to know how we feel about our place in the computer world. How can we communicate with others and function effectively in this on off fast paced world. More often than we would like to admit many have an actual deficiency in understanding, processing, and /or describing our emotions.

How do I feel?  Technology seems often to create new boundaries between people. Our industry was supposed to make communication easier and erase old boundaries

Consider this time we share here as a time to tune our individual inner harp at the intersection of Light and Sound. This is a symbol of the representation of the First Singularity as a Circle: Breathing In and Out.

The Meaning Of Life


Man Know Thyself! I have heard this my whole life in one way or another. Where should I start? It is such a Gordian Knot of a puzzle! I have tried looking in the mirror to try and see who I am. I mean as though looking in the mirror would let me see under the boundaries I have constructed to swim with the zillions of people, beings, animals, and such that flow along and cross my path. I was hoping that by looking in the mirror I could see beneath the surface, under my skin and deeper than my muscles, sinus, and cells. Man know thyself is asking me to know what part of my complicated structures of my current self in this my Ira Glass idiom, “This American Life”.

Yesterday during my morning meditation, after years of deep wondering, as I have tried to peel the onion of understanding, one layer at a time I had an Ahh Haa moment. I suddenly saw that all the years of study about Dependant Origination snapped to attention.

The Bhavacakra (Sanskrit; Pali: bhavacakka; Tibetan: srid pa’i ‘khor lo) is a symbolic representation of samsara (or cyclic existence) found on the outside walls of Tibetan Buddhist temples and monasteries in the Indo-Tibet region. In the Mahayana Buddhist tradition, it is believed that the drawing was designed by the Buddha himself in order to help ordinary people understand the Buddhist teachings.
The bhavacakra is popularly referred to as the wheel of life. This term is also translated as wheel of cyclic existence or wheel of becoming.  ~  Wikipedia
The center of the Wheel of Life holds three animals — the snake representing anger, the rooster, greed and the boar, ignorance – on a background of blue, which is as expansive as the vast open cloudless sky.  Blue has, since the end of the Mycenaean culture, been a way to express the vastness of the infinite spacious nature of the human mind. Mycenae was a small fringe settlement dating from around 1600 until 1100 BCE. Most known for the Minoan fine-wear pottery are made from well purified clay of a buff color. The Ancient Grecian Phoenician eyes had not evolved the cones and rods necessary to see Blue. They represented their sky as buff orange.

Surrounding the central animals spinning in a seemingly endless circle of blue are half circles of dark and light areas. On the light side are representations of those seeking to lessen the effects of the poisons and on the dark side are those figures suffering due to the presence and intensity of the three.

I suddenly saw that Man Know Thyself is seeing the actual way that I as an individual express in thought and action my relating out from my personal accumulation of Ignorance. Each person has their own desires and fears which they bounce on to communication with the world. Now again, I feel the vibrating truth of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

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