Rewiring the System


Something is tearing at my tender heart, it is a condition of life. I am reading a new book, Trauma, by the noted author Mark Epstein.IMG_20130827_210128


I warn you all that the font used is very small so you have to hold the book differently and really concentrate on reading. This book is helping me see as I struggle to move forward. I went to his book tour a few days ago. It was a real insight from a psychological view. His talk was very practical.  Mark spoke from his experiences of eating mindfully as a simple act of not putting more food into your mouth until you have completely finished chewing and swallowing the first bite. My taste buds are singing as they send the good impulses to my brain which then tells my mind/body that good food is fuel for delight.



Then there is the physical brain, amygdala, over active that is the touchy function of our body mind system. This is the sentnal communicator of stress. One step at a time to turn your attention to the impulses is to turn toward Kindness; Be Kind to yourself.

Ask yourself, what does being kind to myself look like at this intersection. Find what will let you feel you are being Kind To Yourself and Do That Action. Being Kind to yourself is a source of awakening. Kindness is a light on this place you and I are going through, today in the here and now

Our understanding that living with and through a Trauma is NOT Fun. This is a source of connection that allows us, you and I, to care about each other and send our caring support out to all our friends and family.

Last night I painted my toenails. I have not done this in months. I just want to tip toe today with a small caring sparkle.

Emotions are as real as a table, sometimes hard and heavy, “without the hurt the heart is hollow”.


It Must Be True

Is Depression on the rise? It ought to be, if we face the kind of self-world we have created unto ourselves without seeing the way out of it.

Yes, if we actually face the full extent of the horror of this reality we ought to be VERY depressed. It would be a sentient, sensible and reasonable response.

I am wondering about the ones who are not ‘depressed’ by it !!! With what excuses they pursue their karma dodging.

So, feeling depressed is a very good starting point, a honest, genuine one. Then we, you and I, need to realize that our depression won’t get us anywhere. It is helplessly reactive. Rather, we need to realize how we are completely account-able in Cosmic Tension for our ‘self-world’, and the creative potential that comes with this realization. It is time to say It Must Be True. It is time to get cracked and let some of the horrible slime slither out of cracked and exploded places in our skin. It is time to let in the light of life and wake up to who we have become to one another.

Then we need to discover and master the most potent human resource there is, that:

Thinking frames what ‘IS’  each one of us as a self-world. This means, we can also wipe the slate clean intelligently and within reason in order to beget the self-world that manifests the Highest Good of all humanity together as one. We can stop being mean to each other. We can stop hurting each other with harsh hurting words. We can start to care.

I have been fighting cancer for almost two years and in that time the people in my family circle, the ones I would expect to be caring and to care for me have not. I believe is it a societal dysfunction. I believe that all around the United States there are people suffering who do not have a loving arm around their shoulders to give strength and comfort. I send out this missive in the hopes that some people will extend a little effort toward the people in your world.


The Power of Kindness

Kindness Celebrates Life!

I remember Rocky and Bullwinkle stories. This classic cartoon always pointed in and out the underside of every situation. Like chewing gum sticking your shoe to the pavement Rocky and Bullwinkle stuck to the elbow greasy giggles, revealing the goodness in life, humorously, because all ‘fairy tales’ have a happy ending.

All the Kind People I know live with a lightness of being, constantly finding humor in their own lives. Style!

Kind people heal everyone they meet with the simple joy of a smile. There is Great Healing in true warm heart overflowing with Kindness.  First mark of magnetic attraction of kindness is real listening. I have met a few people who when they are with you make you feel as though they have nothing else in the world more important than every word you are saying. There is an authentic need to know everything, all the details of what is going on from the point of view as you see it.  Real listening is accompanied and accomplished with patience. I can feel the Kind listener as Being Totally Present in the moment of our conversation or activity.

Its about Compassion since some people are difficult and therefore need more care and compassionate kindness.  I choose to serve especially when things are not ok. You can ask, ‘How are you doing?’ If things are not going well it is the time to let out a Hardy giggles
Its the joyful child in me and in each of us which bubbles up at the intersections of real caring and difficulties.

Kindness is such a blossoming possibility of more life yet to come in the face of mortality and ever constant change. The secret is to relish every possibility in every moment of our time together.

Today I choose to celebrate my human contacts. I want people to remember me for my Kind Listening and caring for them as they truly are at this very moment of our communication. Good listening uses no assumptions that get in the way and work against understanding. Assuming means you are thinking and not hearing that always clouds the truth. There are many things I might not want to do yet I do because I want real relationships.



“Once you have the View, although the delusory perceptions of every day generalized problems may arise in your mind, you will be like the sky; (Big Blue Pancake of shimmering clarity, then)   when a rainbow appears in front of it, it’s not particularly flattered, (boasted and) when the clouds appear it’s not particularly disappointed (or evil) either. There is a deep sense of contentment. You chuckle from inside as you see the facade of the struggle and the pleasure; the View will keep you constantly amused, with a little inner smile bubbling away all the time.”



SPACE: I make space for the Color of Life to get through.

Choice: I have easy choices today. I choose not to eat the verbal label chewed into a spit ball and tossed out of people or persons who have passed this and tossed out to me. Those who stand on their histories are hallow leaders.  Oh I know so and so and spent so many years studying he said! . The persons who tell me that my emotions are vomit!

I remember talking with a great person who as a young man was in the room when his father was shot then tossed out the second floor front window. Now as an adult he still has the tender emotion living in his cells. There is a time for speaking from your emotions and a time for speaking from the clarity of being in the present moment.

I have respect for balance. There is a time for looking at stories in the sunlight and a time for looking at life’s feelings  about the pictures and the respective stories under the lamp light. There is a time of community and a time for individual introspection. My communication about my struggle to maintain purpose in the face of radiation poisoning is hard work.

At times I feel so very sad because I am drained of the energy I was accustomed to having just four or five months ago. Today in the hall of my apartment building I met a woman who talked with me at the very beginning when I was first diagnosed before the surgery and ensuing treatments. Today Joan told me not to put myself down because I feel so weary and sad.

There are people who accuse me in the most stern manner. I have been told that speaking my struggle is neurotic! That may or may not be true. In either case the real truth is what I am feeling and talking with the readers of this space is both an exposure of my pain and a connection to all the hurt places in all of us. The good Quest is the path toward self knowledge and all the sweet , oily , sad , salty, and bitter aspects of living.

One person told me that I did not respect her because I spoke out of the sad injured exposed emotional effulgent that flows when life turns up the heat.  I may have lost a person who up until last week called herself my friend!

I have the wider view where I am part of the both the calm and discordant flow of time and action.

Today was so different than yesterday. Today a technology angel opened the door to understanding how to organize my project. He did this with great ease and grace. Every question and each problem was understood and answered in lightening time. I am so happy. I choose to spend time with in the human heart of kindness.

Today a brilliant woman came to my home and transcribed one of the hundreds of interesting stories about people, one or another person, who have in many ways on many levels, given me so much.

The man who called me to ask me if I would drive him on errands introduced me to several high placed people who have energised my heart toward understanding the broad swatch of information needed for a life of service.

My program is proceeding though I am struggling to make a well formed sentence. I tell my stories in the hopes that my climbing out of my pain be a light along the struggles of emotional vomit one or two have so labeled.  I see the comments as a clarity about spiritual fantasy that so many in organized religions profess as a leap of faith. It is this rigidly that gives the world the illusion that some people are royalty and others by fact of birth are less valuable to the human fabric of pulsing life.

Only by our own understanding of our own individual selves with all the warts and wobbles. I need to feel my moral integrity and grow to think with my emotions out of a thinking heart. I am a lover of the moral path. Function as individuals and work together as a group. Some day people I know and so many I have yet to meet will be ready to have the internal peace sufficiently to bring peace  as a plasma flow into all their thoughts, emotions, words and actions. Love is all there is.





Posted in Uncategorized by rewiringangel on November 7, 2010
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The one big thing I am learning from my radiation poisoning is how important kindness is in the way we relate to one another.  I am much more sensitive to peoples feelings as they listen or respond to me and to people in my surroundings.

I have not been lucky in finding friendships. I got a not today from a digital ‘friend’ on a social network, Buzz, that finding friendships in the computer geek community is fraught with the nexus and sparks of people being more concerned with their own self and not able or interested in including an others’ self interests.  The conversation is a string about what people believe and not how are you. The beginning question was about Obama, is he a Christian or Muslim?  One person replied to my comments on the string asking what I believe. I replied: the ‘one god’ sentence applies only to whether obama is Christian or Muslim and not to any sort of deity belief in my mind and heart. I gave that up at age 8. the obama constant conversation needs to be unified as to how quote unquote godly people kill one another over my god and your god. It is a marbled mess. When my daughter was growing up for her birthday she would ask me if I believed in god and for a year we would explore the possibilities of this years query. you can ask her. One year we would NOT believe in any god and the next we would. In the end it is free electrons that are being put in mental prisons.

One Kind Hearted person changed the drift from external picture of cosmos to how I am handling the cosmos within my skin, by asking me how I am in my healing process.  This is very unusual. It feels good to be cared about genuinely asking how a person is and really listening to the answer is a potent Kindness seed, when rightly planted and watered will bring the right attitude toward our technological movement toward a global unity.

We are moving into an ear of blended borders, notionally and individually. I really believe in having this conversation to uncover what each one of us truly thinks and believes. This is important so that we are not thrown off balance and out of our minds which would bring anarchy and harm to our planet.

I do not want to get lost in the technology but want to focus on the variations of consciousness. I hope in this way to move out of my brain and think with my heart. It is a struggle to understand both for myself and my community, as I move in life and feel the sense of holding on to my origination. I am an original Ilsa and not that I am a white American copy.  I like what the Singularity is doing to pave the way along one axis of this possibility of understanding what is important in my/our humanity. There is an emerging psychology precursor of being Uploaded into the singularity that asks: what is the original and what is the copy. I am just wondering about this.  I feel in my bones that this is a good conversation. It is healthy to think about what is important to ones self. I do not want to be afraid of the future.

I see so many people who are afraid of the digital communication. They hold on to their Luddite persona. So many people do not have a computer and do not know the simplest aspects of email. They have not enjoyed Wikipedia as it opens the window to global scholarly communication. I love the global qualities of the internet, though I have little knowledge as to how the machine works and what the programs, codes, roads of the codes, algorithms, and bigger math basis of this toy, I non the less enjoy the expansion.

The patterns of  Nature and cycles of form building is interesting. I feel that looking at what we as individuals want out of our union with one another is important in creating the future. In the Star Trek TV show about this future, the singularity had an evil take over of every society it encountered. Perhaps people can only see this one side of a shared communication.

The point is that joining the conversation is very important!

I am including a few links and welcome your thoughts and ideas.  Also send your thoughts and comments to the people in these links.

AND: into this mix of hardware comes the prevailing winds of solar winds generating a lot of patterns within our current systems.  Check out this site:

Some years ago I attended a conference of the Center for the Study of Cycles. It was the year that Forbes Jr. took a chance to run for the Presidency. In a way it was like going to a high end auction because of the general excitement about what cycle was happening and what the historical record of this sort of movement back since the ancient time when the Chinese were recording the patterns of earthquakes in relation to planetary activity. Here is their web site:

They are so interesting, that if I did not have my own issues I would study this segmented patterning more devotedly. I believe that when we as a human race can see the movement of patterns in Mother Nature we will have the key to happiness and health. As long as I do not have to think all the time… Hugs and kisses are necessary and desired.  smile…. I really need more human kindness today.